Is my aupair being cheeky? Says it is hard for her to walk 25 min each way for school run.

[blueshoes]

My first aupair (French) is starting in Aug. But I am already having doubts.

An important part of the aupair's duties is to do my dd's school run. The school is a 25 min walk away, with dd age 4 in a buggy. Now the aupair emails to says that a 25x4 walk every day is hard for her to do.

She was asking about taking a bus and having a bus pass.

I emailed her to explain that a bus would take longer (35 min+), she would still have to walk 20 mins each way (because the school is not near the bus stop), and the roads are congested in the mornings. Plus it will cost us £20 a week in bus fare. She does not seem to have taken that in (language problem?).

Is she angling for us to provide her with a bus pass or contribute to her travel costs? Or does she have a point about such a long walk? I personally have done it (old-ish and weak as I am, lol) and don't see why a young strapping 20 year old cannot.

We are paying her £65 a week allowance - which I feel is slightly above market for what is IMO quite an easy job(London).

Do any of you who are aupair employers pay/subsidise transport costs on top of allowance? Should I ditch her before she starts, as being lame?

[ProjectIcarus]

jeeez. I do this everyday. It is not a lot of walking.

Mind you my three year old mostly walks it and has done since she was 2.5 but sometimes she needs a rest so I have an e3.

Yes it can be a bit dreary sometimes and yes you sometimes get wet but it is also a nice moodlifter to get out and about.

Find another au pair.

[bookwormmum]

I must admit I wonder what I'd think if I had gone abroad at 20 as an AP and been asked to walk 25 minutes 4x a day in a strange city to do a school run . It's a good point.

[ProjectIcarus]

KM she gets a room in their house and all her meals as well, hardly under minimum wage when you consider lodgings and food is it?

[annh]

Minimum wage does not apply to live-in positions, nor does it apply to au pairs although the whole au pair thing confuses me as officially au pairs are only supposed to come from a very limited number of countries. I suppose someone coming from an EU country can call themselves whatever they like and ern whatever they can get. If they choose to accept au pair wages, that's their choice.

[southeastastra]

i don't know what to think really - on one hand if people are willing to work for that money. it's supply and demand. but it makes me uneasy

[gess]

au pair is different though isn't it? I worked for board and lodging (agreed although I ended up being given a small amount of money as well on top of the agreement) on a farm in NZ because I wanted to travel round NZ, which I did. I was in University holidays, not trying to support a family or whatever; it was cheap travel; as are most au pair positions. I worked 7/8 hour days as well.....

[StarryStarryNight]

Kerrymum, it is not a pittance. Being an AP is a cultural exchange. You go to a different country, learn the language and the culture, and have free accommodation, living expenses, and pocket money in exchange for 5 hours child/domestic related work. The going rate is £55 per week. That is a fixed sum set by AP agencies run under UK legislation. The idea is that you should be treated as one of the family, a little like being an exchange student, muck in with the housework like a grown up daughter would, come on family outings should you wish. Your host family is much like your "mentors" in this new country during the period of your stay. £55 is ample pocket money when all you have to spend it on is coffee shops, clothes, make up etc.

[southeastastra]

i think some employers do sometimes expect too much from an au pair. it's great if it is treated like a cultural exchange, then everyone benefits from the experience.

but i feel some mothers do use them as a cheap childcare service.

sorry blueshoes just a little rant

[oliveoil]

only on MN could there be a thread about a 25 min walk that reached 265 posts

[suedonim]

I can't comment on the financial aspect but is 25minsx4 really considered a long walk? No wonder we're a nation of lard-arses.

When I went to grammar school at 11yo I walked 20mins to the train station, then a 25min walk at the school end, which I did in reverse order in the evenings, come rain, come shine. When working I never had less than a 35min walk each way and walked everywhere with ds1 in a coach-built pram as I didn't drive in those days.

Ime, London rarely has such dreicht weather that walking is a non-starter - when did London last have a frost, fgs?? A drop of rain won't melt anyone and maybe if there is a day that's beyond the pale, a taxi would suffice.

[StarryStarryNight]

Southeastastra. I am sure that is also sometimes the case, and it is sad. My last AP had lots of other nanny and AP friends and told me some horror stories, but the girls had the sense to leave and find new AP or live-in nanny positions fairly easily. Mostly she told me positive happy stories, about AP receiving bonuses and gifts for jobs well done, being taken on holiday, and really beginning to care for the family, and going to visit later.

Most host families chose to pay the AP's language course (often in the region of £300-£600 depending on where and lenght of course) either from the beginning, or some time in when they see that the AP and the family is clicking and the arrangement works out well.

MY last AP chose a different course as her English was so good, which I paid for, and at the end of her stay, we let her work reduced hours while she was jobhunting and flat hunting, and it did not take her long to find a well paid job in her chosen career field. She is now extremely happy and grateful that we helped her settle in her new country, and we have a new friend, and a fab babysitter!

[southeastastra]

that's good to hear starry night

[pointydog]

5 hours a day childcare and housework. That's fine.

But 2 hours of the 2.5 hours childcare is walking about with a buggy. So she's only really minding the kids for half an hour a day.

Can that be right?

[StarryStarryNight]

But the AP knows, and she is not FORCED to take up this position. This is what the job entails, she can say no to the offer and look elsewhere, or she can say yes and deal with it.

FWIW, I think that Blueshoes should look for another AP as this one is hesitant. I am sure there are outdoor types who would love the idea of this.

Blueshoes, have you tried Aupair World? I got my last AP from there, it is really good. I was inundated with applications, got around 30 a day!

[blueshoes]

oo, I am overwhelmed with the response. this is my first post I started. really grateful!

starry/gess, you hit the aupair symbiosis on the head. What is in it for them is so much more than monetary or roof over head. For this ap, it is a chance to improve her English so she can be an air hostess. It is a stop gap for most aps - whether to travel the region, learn more about the country or improve the language, good English being a criteria in a lot of jobs.

southeast, I understand your exploitation concerns. I know aps are taken advantage of - some even have their passports confiscated. And totally get their vulnerable position. I do so want to make this young lady a part of my family. And if she clicks with us, there is just so much more we want to do with her - take her for meals with us, pay for her English classes, transport, let her family stay in our house when we are on holiday. Heck, the perfect au arrangement from my POV is if I see her as the big sister to my dcs.

But I heard au horror stories from the family's POV as well, so don't want to be too generous upfront until I see how she goes. So I pay market for the time being.

[princessbride]

ive been reading through this thread and there seems to be some pretty het up people about the wage au pairs recieve. I think no one is taking certain facts into account...to live in london is an expensive matter, which most foreign girls would not be able to afford with limited english. A retail job full time thats 40 hours a week only pays £13000 a year which means after tax they will clear about £800. Accomadation will cost them at least £350 a month, then they have to pay their share of bills, food travel so minus another £200 at least that leaves £250...which is what an au pair recieves £65 x 4 = £260 and they ONLY have to work 25 hours max...not 40 hours or more they would in a basic retail job...trust me its a good deal...so dont feel too sorry for the, it all levels itself out

[blueshoes]

pointy, yes, it could only be 30 min minding children because both of them are in fulltime school/nursery and I am home by 4 pm.

Actually, I intend to do one set of drop-off/pick up, but don't intend to do it everyday so I don't want to promise her or get her expectations up. This will free up more time for child minding (really just sheltering me from dcs while I cook etc) or just take the time out from cleaning.

[blueshoes]

starry, princessbride, you explain it better than I ever could. Thanks.

[blueshoes]

hear hear, sue.

ok, I'm off to bed now. Phew, quite exhausted .

Thank you again for your views.

[pointydog]

the wages thing is a bit of a red herring. You don't become an au pair to earn money. You do it to experience another country, be part of it, have accommodation and some security. You know about the money before you get into it.

The money issue is not an issue.