Is my aupair being cheeky? Says it is hard for her to walk 25 min each way for school run.

[blueshoes]

My first aupair (French) is starting in Aug. But I am already having doubts.

An important part of the aupair's duties is to do my dd's school run. The school is a 25 min walk away, with dd age 4 in a buggy. Now the aupair emails to says that a 25x4 walk every day is hard for her to do.

She was asking about taking a bus and having a bus pass.

I emailed her to explain that a bus would take longer (35 min+), she would still have to walk 20 mins each way (because the school is not near the bus stop), and the roads are congested in the mornings. Plus it will cost us £20 a week in bus fare. She does not seem to have taken that in (language problem?).

Is she angling for us to provide her with a bus pass or contribute to her travel costs? Or does she have a point about such a long walk? I personally have done it (old-ish and weak as I am, lol) and don't see why a young strapping 20 year old cannot.

We are paying her £65 a week allowance - which I feel is slightly above market for what is IMO quite an easy job(London).

Do any of you who are aupair employers pay/subsidise transport costs on top of allowance? Should I ditch her before she starts, as being lame?

[hana]

she sounds like a wimp - I walk that far to school 4 times a day as well, and if it's cold, I wear more clothes, if it's hot, I stick my sunglasses on and take the jacket off

she's going to be trobule I think

[pointydog]

www.maion.com/photography/_photos/neyo0557.jpg

woood'n it be luvverly

[blueshoes]

pointy/TnOgu, yes, I will do that walk myself. I have done it many times recently, even longer because I walked there (25 mins) and then to ds' nursery (40 mins).

I can see that it will be unpleasant in winter, rain, windy. But then again, I would just pull my rain/coat tighter around me and keep going. Dd will be sheltered in her buggy under the raincover, in fact, I know she will quite enjoy it.

Glad elloit, filly, HuwEd, coppertop agree that the walk is reasonable. But I accept the other posts who won't do it for love or money. And if you don't want to be my ap for £65 a week, I say "lucky escape"!

Expat, the ap says she will find the walk hard (fair enough) but then she asks for a bus pass, even though I explained she will still end up walking 20 minutes to take a bus and not save any time at all. So is she saying she is prepared to do it if I pay for/subsidise her transport costs - as I am sure her pass will come in handy for trips to bars/clubs in London, not just the school run.

Bibi3, paying half the cost is one option, but it will add up to £10-20 a week more. I am prepared to consider it if she proves herself a work, but not before.

RnB, was it you who said I should stick to my guns. And let her vote with her feet [haha, pun]. pajama, I am distinctly considering looking for someone else.

Even if she agrees by my terms, I can't be held to ransom on the (dealbreaking) schoolrun.

Have I ended up with a lillylivered one? Oh where are the scandanavians (RnB) and dutch (MrsR), lol.

[eleusis]

The 2 year old is in the pram. And sometimes she organises two 4 year olds, on e2 year old and one 18 month oldon the bus. (2 year old and 18 month old share a phil and ted)

[Bibis]

She is making a fuss about nothing.

If I were you I would say that it is part of the job, take it or leave it. She will soon make up her mind and if she decides not to come to you you will have had a lucky escape.

If she is making a fuss about this what about if you actually ask her to do some hardwork like cleaning or ironing

[hana]

is there no one who does a similar school run in the am?
forgot to say I'm pushing a double buggy as well!

[pointydog]

Fine. DEcision made. If you would do it day in, day out, rain or shine, get an aupair who will.

[cylonbabe]

four is Not too young to walk for 25 minutes. unless the child has disability issues.
it is healthy to get lots of excercise, and a four year old who walks to and from school will be healthier and fitter for it. she' he will be tired certaily, but will sleep better for it, and be stronger for it.
perhaps 4 times 25 minutes is a bit much, butthat depends on yourexpectations of your child and yourself.

[hana]

there's a big difference between walking that distance and jumping in the car to do the same, it often takes me LONGER to drive as I have to leave at the same time - find a parking spot - get 3 kids out of car seats and into the buggy - and then walk to school

so much easier to walk

plus green issues if you're so inclined

[meandmyflyingmachine]

I do a similar school run. With a 5 year old and a 3 year old. No pushchair. Bikes for the children most of the time. Or leave a good ten minutes earlier .

[docket]

Walking nearly two hours a day might seem an awful lot to someone who doesn't walk much. I do walk a lot but even then I'm not sure I'd fancy having to do that every day, rain or shine.

[MrsWobble]

my nannies have done similar journeys (in fact given that we live in Blackheath it might be pretty close to an identical journey).

we've always insured them for the car, explained our preference for the journey to be walked, cycled or scootered with the car as a bad weather option. In practice out of 4 nannies 2 usually drove and 2 usually walked and the weather didn't seem to make a lot of difference. We weren't prepared to make a fuss about the (in our view) unnecessary driving as it would have caused bad feelings and wasn't a dealbreaker for us.

If dh or I are doing the school run we walk it (unless the weather is truly awful).

The consensus view seems to be that if it matters to you that she walks then you probably need to find a different au pair. I would agree with this based on my experience.

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

LOL at the general horror of walking 25 minutes in London in winter. The au-pair is not being asked to emulate Shackleton in the Antarctic, she's being asked to walk in London, England, known for its temperate climate, for a couple of hours a day. Instead of ironing. I'd choose walking every time, except in snow.

I'm a bit depressed that people are so horrified about the idea of walking in bad weather tbh. What did people do before car ownership was the norm and they HAD to walk? Although I take people's points about the resistance training and the safety angle. (I wouldn't like to walk across Blackheath in the dark tbh)

Apropos of not having heaths in scotland, where did macbeth meet the witches?

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

But also, hasn't the OP mentioned that if it were really bad weather, then she'd use the car?

So the bad weather shouldn't be such an issue, should it?

Unless ideas of "bad weather" vary greatly. (Which they might do)

[MrsWobble]

even in the depths of winter it's not really dark at 3.15 when school finishes so the safety angle is a bit of a red herring I think.

[NAB3]

Just read the OP. As an employer you are expected to pay any travel costs related to child care. If she was to get a pass which she could use in her spare time I would expect her to contribute. I don't think a 25 minute walk is that unreasonable. Maybe have another talk. If she isn't happy about that is there anything else she isn't clear on/happy about?

[blueshoes]

hana, you are a lady after my own heart! I am also of the walking/environmental brigade. A mother down the road from me does this exact school run in a buggy - her reception-age child walks. So we are not alone

I know it sounds tedious and sometimes unpleasant. But a lot of times, the walk will be pleasant, and she can get chatting to dd. And how many of us enjoy what we do (school run, whether in car, bus, walk), but we still do it. In fact, if it was a job, I am prepared to put up with more discomfort/go outside my comfort zone than for my personal life.

Just yesterday, it suddenly started spitting whilst I was out pushing the double buggy. I got absolutely soaked, sans raincoat. This happens about 7 days a year? But once soaked, you might as well just get on with it. Is this my protestant work ethic?

Granted she can pick and choose her job. I am going around in circles, just ranting now, I guess.

[pointydog]

think we'd talk about the moor in Scotland. Don't use the word 'heath' is all

[blueshoes]

bozza, it is 50-50 school run/childcare - housework. Housework is cleaning. Bibi, so the other half of her job is also not particularly pleasant. Actually, I recall she also asked how much housework there is to do. Said her friends who were au pairs had to do a lot of housework, day and night.

This is looking worse.

[NAB3]

I had been in my au pair job for about 2 weeks when the mum asked me to clean the house. I hadn't known that was part of the job and it was a huuuuuge house.

[pointydog]

I think a distinction should be made between what you are prepared to put up with for your own kids or a proper job and what a young au pair should do for a small amount of money as mainly she wants to enjoy an experience in another country.

Some of these comments are very much My Point Of View. The au pair is entitled to Her Point Of View.

If you don;t match up, get someone else. But fair enough if she doesn't fancy it.

[blueshoes]

MrsW, do you know offhand how much it would cost to put 20 ap on my car insurance?

[pointydog]

Some au pairs are worked too much so she maybe has some fears. Au pairs are often young and still want and need the family security that the job can give.

Let's not pick on the au pair about this.

[blueshoes]

ViciousSS, lol. I am the least outdoorsy person ever. But I can do it - not fun all the time, but nice a lot of the times, with the right attitude.

This part of London is so beautiful IMO. I just wish she could see it. The location is lovely. The heath is lovely - mostly. To be able to walk to school is like golddust. For a few months in the year, not so great, for others, fab.

[blueshoes]

pointy, agree. That is why I thought it was a valid question about the housework - I know some aps in abusive situations.

But then she comes up with 25 mins walk being hard. At first I though she was concerned for my dd. Then I realised it was actually about herself.

I know, I know - this is the wrong fit if it is an issue for her. I know what I have to do.