Help, my new nanny is a bit shouty, and I'm worried, and would like advice on how to handle it

[PrincessPeaHead]

My lovely calm, quiet, loving nanny of 5 years left last week, and a new nanny started. She is NNEB, worked in a nursery (baby room) most recently, nannied for 2 children before that. She's now been with us for just over a week.

I'm a little worried about how she interacts with the children. She has been playing quite well with DD1 (9), and has been givena very hard time by DD2 (16 months) who screams at strangers generally and hasn't settled with her yet (screamed constantly yesteerday morning when I went to the supermarket apparently). DS1 (6) has been OK with her, DS2 (3) had his tonsils and adenoids out last Tues and was feeling rotten until this weekend.

She is a bit of a sargeant major - issues orders and won't brook any discussion at all, even when it would be (I think) completely reasonable to listen to what they are saying. eg she was asking them to go upstairs for a bath - we have two staircases to go up, and DS2 wanted to go up the other one to the one she was asking him to go up - and she was raising her voice and saying "DS2, I have asked you to go up to your bath and you need to go up these stairs NOW". I don't see why he couldn't have gone up the other ones if he wanted to. There are lots of other examples - I don't think I heard my last nanny raise her voice more than about 2ce (usually in situations where I would have strangled them hours previously!), whereas raising her voice appears to be this nannies MO.
My 9 year old has asked me why she shouts so much
My housekeeper has told me she is concerned.

What do I do?

can't quite work out if it is you, the nanny, the car or the M4 that is black ha ha

snap

Jools - I haven't written it for such ages I don't know Where To Start

but you're so clever and have such a vivid imagination.

go on, you know you want to.

or was it just a fad?

ooooh Jools, flattery will get you EVERYWHERE

ahem, Jools, Minty appears to have posted on her blog....

here

who's minty? quite amusing. for a blog.

oi pph what an arse.

too too beastly of you.

magnificent!

I hope you noticed that I managed to cover cod with cowshit in that one

was rather proud of that

Ok everyone, my work tomorrow has been postponed to another day which leaves me free and clear to sack the nanny

so what do I say? This isn't working out, I can't get past you leaving DD in the garden near the paddling pool, I think you are a really nice person but you aren't the right nanny for us and we aren't the right family for you?

HELP please!

Say exactly that - you're not right for us and we're not right for you - because that's what the issue is, isn't it? (haven't posted here before but have read the thread).

Good luck!

('here' as in 'on the thread, not 'on MN' - gah)

thank you!
yes. will do. must be resolute.

of course I then have to drive her home as she can't keep the nanny car (double AURGH as she lives 20mins away)

ouch, don't envy you that bit (well, nor any of it really). Good luck anyway

good luck PPH.

you know you're doing the right thing for you and the kids, good luck finding a new one

thank you!

Can you say that it became clear last week that you/she have different style/approaches to things - which in itself might be workable. But, the safety issue is a deal breaker, and you feel too uneasy to continue. It may have been an 'honest' mistake, but it's one that could have had catastrophic consequences. It's a risk you can't take. You must have complete confidence in her ability to look after the dc, and sadly, you don't.

It might help you to have a chat with the agency too. They might be able to give you some useful guidance on what to say/how to handle it. Good luck.

oooh bloody hell that's good earlybird

I'm going to memorise that

thank you very much

brilliant

You could go down the passive aggressive route: print out this thread, add the words 'please post the car keys through the letter box', and sellotape it to your front door?
Seriously though, I hope it goes well - have skimmed the thread and it sounds like you are making the right decision for you all.

It does sound like you are making the right decision - a nursery to sole charge of 4 children is a huge jump - she is clearly used to other people being around to share the load.
you need to make it clear that there is no going back, she cannot rectify the mistake, you have no confidence in her to keep your children safe and that there will be no 2nd chances.
I would take guidance from the agency re pay and any request for a reference.
I would personally call her a cab rather than endure the drive home with her - utterly grim I imagine.
You are going through the mill atm, aren't you

haha
I did think about phoning her tonight and doing the deed over the phone, and asking her to return the car and pick up her cheque in the next couple of days... but bottled. Might not have been a bad idea, but it is too late now. Anyway I'm not a complete coward (I don't think?!)

hi milge!
yes but the waiting for the cab would be awful as well (they take years to find us).
I did think of asking the HK to drive her home...

I was going to give her 3.5 weeks pay (she has worked 8 days (9 inc tomorrow, and one of those a bank hol) and has notice of a week so that would give her an extra week on top.
Also it is a round grand.
Expensive for 9 days substandard childcare, but that'll teach me

think we cross posted!
what do you think?