How do I ask my au pair to wash her hair???

[MiddleAgedMother]

That's it really. But it's seriously greasy, I thought it was wet!
She is very sweet, 19, but I have no idea how to approach it.
Older DC commenting on it too just not yet to her.
Thought she had yesterday but then it didn't dry so not..........

Are you sure it isn't gel or similar? Does it smell?

I don't think you can mention it really. Unless is smells or has some big negative impact on your life (apart from you not like looking at it).

I would be absaloutly reading the riot act to my children if they said anything to her about it.

Buy her a nice bottle of shampoo and conditioner and say,

"You need to wash your hair sweetheart. It will look better and you'll feel better. Go do it now and I'll watch the kids."

Smiley, bright, breezy, friendly...blunt.

I don't get why you need to TBH I don't think it's any of your business! Unless it's affecting her work? You do realise she's not your property right?

YvaineStormhold please do not say that! Terrible

How long has she been with you? Perhaps she is shy about using your hot water or uncertain how the shower works. Maybe she didn't bring stuff with her so you could do a shopping trip to introduce her to Boots, Superdrug etc where she might recognise brands,

It took days for her to shower after arrival - kept saying she'd do it later.
Eventually I said DC and I are going to do this which will give you time to shower then we will all go out and do X.

I did offer her a choice of shampoos etc and she said no, she had her own.

On none of my business - personal hygiene is important to us as a family. I now have youngest saying why do I have to wash my hair.

She uses DCs brushes when playing at doing up hair which makes me cringe.

I need her to set a good example for DC.

I call her an au pair as she's young but she's employed as a live in nanny on nanny wages.

Rogan josh - def not gel.

I think what you did would be what I'd of recommended. Was she clean at the interview? I understand why you'd like it dealt with but really not sure how

I would tell her that she can't use your DCs hardibrushes for a start. And if she's a nanny refer to her as a nanny.

If it's not affecting her job I don't think there's much you can do about it.

Sorry, but I look back to some of the stuff I did when I was 19 and I wish I'd had a blunt, well-meaning adult to take me to one side and put me on the straight and narrow.

If it's unacceptable to you in terms of employment you need to phrase it as such.

'We do expect a certain level of hygiene and that means daily showers and depending on your hair type a few washes a week.'

Referring to her as an au pair because she's young is strange. If she's a nanny, call her one.

'Personal hygiene is important to us as a family'...seriously? It's her head, not your kids'.

YANBU.

If your youngest is being difficult that gives you an in - 'sorry to ask this, but X is being difficult about personal hygiene so would you make a big deal of showering/washing your hair and how important it is? It will set a good example for her.'

"Dd is going through a funny phase of not wanting her hair washed - can back me up and encourage her too please? I'm going to tell her that I wash my hair xx times a week because that's how often it needs to look and feel nice. What about you?"

Cringing at some of the suggested responses here.

I don't see the problem is just asking her, honestly I'm lazy but part of her job is setting an example to the children thus it is impacting her work and needs to be mentioned. I'm hardly a clean freak but this just isn't ok.

Thanks for those ideas.
Will try again.

It is having an impact on her job as I expect her to set a good example for youngest and be a role model for older and it was clear in interviews. (Rightly or wrongly, if she'd had greasy hair in all interviews I wouldn't have hired her!)

Will also offer again to buy shampoo again too though we have a cupboard full of it.

I call her an au pair as reality is that is more what it feels like. Especially at the moment!

The agency I used call them young nannies as they have some experience, anglo phone and salaries much higher....

In situations like these, I've learned to be honest.

Beating about the bush gets you nowhere.

Just be kind about it.

I think some of the suggestions are cringe'y too.

I think I'd try and be as straight as possible - I'm not sure how appropriate it is to say something but I suppose there are lots of jobs where personal appearance is important and where it would not be ok to have greasy hair.

Tricky situation.

What about if you all go swimming? She might feel the need to wash it after?

How about just telling her straightforwardly what you've said here?
"Please don't share the children's hairbrushes when your hair isn't clean, and try to keep it neat when it isn't washed as DC are now asking to not wash their hair as they see that you don't."
That way you're not telling her what to do, but letting her know the impact she's having.

If she is a nanny then call her your nanny

Does she have her own an suite?

If not and shares a bathroom then suggest a time she can shower and have a bath etc

Will offer again to buy shampoo and make sure the DC do theirs.

Yes - she does have her own bathroom so can't use that one.

Failing which tomorrow I will just say something.

If that doesn't work then youngest still at stage of regular nit letters from school - one of those might do the trick