How do I ask my au pair to wash her hair???

[MiddleAgedMother]

That's it really. But it's seriously greasy, I thought it was wet!
She is very sweet, 19, but I have no idea how to approach it.
Older DC commenting on it too just not yet to her.
Thought she had yesterday but then it didn't dry so not..........

its just the kids had mentioned her hair was unwashed..take it from there smile just be kind and not rude about it smile

Blaming it on the children for noticing as though you're some poor innocent party who had absolutely no idea and didn't even notice is ridiculous!

OP what did you say to the kids when they mentioned her hair? I think I would've had strong words about making hurtful comments etc.

I personally wouldn't say anything.

It's just oil. It's not going to hurt your dd to braid it.

There's no issue here really except you don't like it. Which is understandable. But I still would not comment on another's adult's hair.

If she's young then I think all the hints are not going to work . (From experience with a 20 year old worker,i even bought her straighteners ,) we had to just be upfront in the end and the response was why haven't you mentioned it before . Speak to the agency do they have a dress code my neice has a job where dress code is make up on , nails manicured, no roots showing, looking presentable at all times. Have the conversation openly don't blame the kids it's you who employs her tell her your expectations and standards and then she can get into a routine and she is clear about what is expected of her. Say how smart she looked at interview and that's part of what your requirements are. Pussycat footing around the issue won't help.

Straight, direct and very very kind is the way to go.

Tricky one. Perhaps she is trying to train her hair out of being frequently washed, in which case would some dry shampoo help perhaps? You probably do need to speak to her. You also need to be direct about it (so that she understands that it's a problem she needs to do something about) but it will be difficult without coming across as condescending/bitchy/bossy/etc.

When I was a teen my then boyfriend's sister used to talk sometimes about a chap at work or a couple she knows who chose not to wear deodorant every day and everyone else noticed smells/sweaty patches and dropped hints to them about wearing deodorant. Little did I know (until some time later) she was actually telling me this to drop hints about my deodorant usage! I didn't realise at the time that it was sometimes insufficient and I was a bit smelly and I wish someone (her/boyfriend/parent) had just told me directly! But I understand it's not an easy thing to do.

I had to tell my husband to wash his hair more often as it was sometimes smelly. He showered every day but mostly just rinsed it and only washed it once a week (ish). Blurgh. He now washes it much more frequently and it never gets smelly/dirty any more. Hurray! It felt awkward bringing it up but he took it well and did something about it.

Good luck!

OP... You say, that your DD 'can't braid nanny's hair' - presumably because it's greasy? I wouldn't let your child near my hair for braiding or anything else. What sort of relationship does this woman have with your children? It sounds very informal - and it sounds as if your own lines are a bit blurry also. Surely you do things yourself that you don't want your children to do? By that token, being told to shower is something that children can expect to be told; adults not so much.

If she doesn't smell and washes her hands before food preparation then I don't think her hygiene is any of your business. My friend uses some kind of product on her hair, it's an oil, because she has frizzy hair. It always looks greasy/wet but it isn't, it's just full of product. If you are at the stage of having such a personal relationship with your nanny that you would braid her hair then a bit of grease or whatever it is, is not going to harm your daughter. If it bothers you then keep your daughter's fingers out of your nanny's hair!

I have really fond memories of brushing my grandmother's hair; it wasn't washed very often but she was my grandma and a bit of grease was nothing to me...

What about dry shampoo too? If she is washing her hair every day and it is greasy, this might be the ideal bridge?

Is she putting some sort of treatment on it? I am interesting in the other posters' comments about the Pill/PCOS.

The other thing I would add is are you sure that it's as greasy as you think? We had house guests from the States one summer. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought we had hygiene issues - they showered twice a day and it wasn't unusually hot nor were we doing anything strenuous. Family of four, eight showers a day, x7. TBH - I was close to asking them what sins they were trying to cleanse themselves of.

People do have different standards. Are you finding any wet towels? Does she have time in the mornings to get herself sorted?

I also wonder about the homesickness/feeling sad. What are her eating patterns like?

I don't agree, in principle, it's not any of your business though.

I am also grateful we've never had to contend with this ourselves with APs...

I would start with a general chat about how she's doing and take it from there.

My hair gets washed about once a fortnight. Kids bury themselves in it regularly. No casualties yet.

If she's not showering or washing then... I don't know, that's just weird. As in 'don't hire this person' weird.

In any other workplace she'd be taken aside, told to buck up or lose the job. Same should apply here really. If you want to be employed, you need to do at least a few basic things, like be clean.

I notice you say it took her a few days to shower on arrival
How di you know that, do you know how often she showers now?

I would say something, I do think it's a hygiene. I'm puzzled by the pp saying you wouldn't mention dry frizzy hair, of course not, that can be clean. But if you sre positive this is grease it can't be clean.

I am afraid it's true - if you want to have a job esp one with close contact with people, being clean is like a minimum requirement.

I will never forget going to visit a playgroup where the person who tried to welcome had long filthy fingernails and my 3 year old son just ran off... and quite honestly I didn't blame him.

Would she go into a "professional" work place with greasy hair?! Probably not. Therefore she shouldn't be so slack around the children. In ANY job you make an effort of your appearance. I don't think the suggestions are cringy at all. You certainly aren't being unreasonable. There's a standard to maintain especially when you live in someone's house too!
Good luck, I think a very "Blount and sweet" suggestion would be better. Just try and make it friendly so she's not uncomfortable

Blunt **

If you are worried about saying anything you could make her an appointment for a wash and blow dry.

I would be blunt.

Don't be so bloody rude. Nothing to do with you at all. Doesnt effect you or your life. Don't you dare make her feel bad about hers.

Goodomen, of course it affects OP! And her children too. Otherwise she wouldn't be posting about it
It's not pleasant being around people who have greasy hair. There's no need to look scruffy in a workplace.

She does my DDs hair - looks great - and taught her to do it by showing her how to do it on her hair. So it was her choice that DD did her hair. Not unusual with nannies in my experience

Have offered shampoo.
I know the shower works - tried that asking that one.
Will bite the bullet.

To the PP who said it will reduce play dates - yes it will - righty or wrongly, the school mothers will view it the same way.

I don't think you should say anything.it's so rude! She is not below you.she does not belong to you. Leave the poor girl alone.

She's an employee and her appearance will reflect badly on the OP if she looks unwashed.

If there's a medical reason for her greasy hair, that's one thing, but if she can't be bothered it's just laziness.

She doesn't even need to wash it more than once a week - she could use dry shampoo on the other days to keep it looking fresh if she really wanted.

I totally agree with YvaineStormhold.
Tell her or rather ask her and explain a little why. ( I'd be wondering if she washes her hands after using the loo too )

You have to bite the bullet. I've had to address appalling BO with staff before. Couldn't be sure there wasn't a medical reason so I led with that - you could do the same eg is there some medical reason you're not able to wash every day ... If not, please do so as I'd like my children to have a clear example to follow ....