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Original poster

How do I ask my au pair to wash her hair???

162 replies

MiddleAgedMother · 18/06/2016 07:58

That's it really. But it's seriously greasy, I thought it was wet!
She is very sweet, 19, but I have no idea how to approach it.
Older DC commenting on it too just not yet to her.
Thought she had yesterday but then it didn't dry so not..........

OP posts:
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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 20/06/2016 20:35

OP - how long has she been with you ?

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 20/06/2016 21:09

We once had a young Polish student stay with us and he wouldn't wash. I had to ask in the end. He didn't seem to notice the smell. I can't remember how I asked, but I had to as it was causing a smell in the house, he was fine about it and even said its not a problem or something so remember having to be quite blunt and explain it was a problem, it was uncomfortable for sure, but sometimes you have to say things.

Does she actually smell. If so I think it's fair to ask. If not then none of your business.

snowy508601 · 20/06/2016 22:02

If she doesn't smell then it is none of your business.

Perhaps she has psoriasis on her scalp, or another condition which is irritated by frequent washing

AgentPineapple · 20/06/2016 22:09

Buy her a 'thank you for doing such a great job' bath/shower gift set and then continually ask her if she liked it, was it ok for her skin/hair, y'know just so you would know whether to buy it again for Christmas/birthday? Hopefully avoiding the chat 'you're boggin'

JayElleGee · 21/06/2016 08:15

Does she have wavy/curly hair? I know lots of young woman use coconut oil (or similar) to help tame or sculpt curls which obviously makes hair look greasy.

Whilst I do understand where you are coming from, I do think that if you say anything you are going to damage your working relationship and she sounds like a very good nanny.

But if you do tackle the subject, start off with lots of compliments and positive statements first.

Good luck....

StealthPolarBear · 21/06/2016 09:14

Jay so do they do that to make their hair look better?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 21/06/2016 09:44

I would start by telling her that head lice is rife in British schools and under no circumstances should she use the children's hair brushes. Grin

JinkxMonsoon · 21/06/2016 09:56

Having greasy hair doesn't mean her hygiene is inadequate. You wouldn't say that someone with dry or frizzy hair had hygiene issues.

Nonsense. There's a massive difference between having greasy unwashed hair and frizzy hair! One can be helped and one can't (and don't mention straighteners - there's a difference between hygiene and grooming).

If hair is very greasy then it needs to be washed - daily. Failing to do that is a personal hygiene problem. Greasy hair doesn't just look horrible, it FEELS horrible.

I had very greasy hair and skin in my teens and 20s. It was a pain but I had no option other than to wash my hair every day. I used to try to skip a day and it just looked lank and awful.

2catsnowaiting · 21/06/2016 10:46

I'm with the handful that think it's none of your business and does not affect your children.

And I cannot believe somebody on here thinks it's acceptable to tell another adult they HAVE to shower every day simply because they work for you. That's insane.

Showering every day is unnecessary and wasteful in my opinion. It doesn't mean that I would tell someone living in my house they had to cut it down to a couple of times a week because "that's what we do in this house." That's the same as what you are suggesting.

PerspicaciaTick · 21/06/2016 10:53

Greasy hair doesn't just look horrible, it FEELS horrible.

Well stop stroking other people's greasy hair then.
Or do you mean that it feels horrible to the person whose hair it is? In which case it affects nobody but her.

iwuddarryl · 21/06/2016 11:20

I would start by telling her that head lice is rife in British schools and under no circumstances should she use the children's hair brushes.

Where does it say she isn't British?

BoboChic · 21/06/2016 11:26

I would be super matter of fact about it and buy her some good quality shampoo and conditioner and provide her with a hairdryer. Sit her down and tell her that you expect her to have clean hair at all times when in your home.

mama0nemo · 21/06/2016 12:18

Get the kids to do it! Nothing like the honesty of an innocent child possibly less harsh. Failing that run her a bath as a "thank you for all she does" and here try this new shampoo I found it and thought you deserve it 😚

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/06/2016 12:19

Yes and also look for a new nanny if you're as blunt as Bobo Grin

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 21/06/2016 13:18

Where does it say she isn't British?

It doesn't - au pair of your own nationality is rare though.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/06/2016 16:40

I wondering if she is doing the don't wash for 6 weeks and hair cleans its self?

Does she shower daily?

Could she be using hair products that look greasy/wet

Could you offer your hairdryer or say you couldn't rem if you had put one in her room ?

JoanneNewton · 21/06/2016 18:52

Quite annoyed by this, she might have personal issues that you don't know about. When i was that age my hair was greesy all the time and i had the spots to go with it, i was bullied badly by it and scarred for life. You have no idea the reasons why shes doing all this! Maybe get to know her first is what i would reccommend

Canadamum7 · 21/06/2016 18:54

PlaymobilPirate's solution is pretty spot on.

Babymamaroon · 21/06/2016 20:04

Yep my guess is most posters who are up in arms have never had a live-in help before.

I would find it absolutely revolting to have to deal with anyone with greasy hair, let alone someone living in my home and God forbid someone who is meant to be setting an example to the children.

The best advice is as above, be direct and firm. If she has a problem with it she knows where the door is.

TooMuchMNTime · 21/06/2016 20:20

I still remember avoiding the kids at school with greasy hair, I knew it wasn't their fault but it's still gross, I couldn't have it in my house. Unless she's ill but that's a long shot.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 21/06/2016 20:33

Yep my guess is most posters who are up in arms have never had a live-in help before.

True in my case. I have had a lodger before, though, and would never have dreamed of telling her how often to wash her hair.

Are you suggesting that the sense of entitlement over somebody else's personal grooming only comes when you're paying them?

Assuming there's no major smell issue, how exactly is this different to that woman at PwC sacked for not wearing high heels?

JayElleGee · 21/06/2016 20:42

I think coconut oil defines curls and tames frizz PolarBear....

If it is so greasy that it actually looks wet I'm pretty sure it's a hair product of some sort - naturally greasy hair (of which I have a lot of personal experience) doesn't look completely wet - it looks, well, greasy.

wiltingfast · 21/06/2016 21:00

I haven't had live in help but I've certainly lived with people. It's really a matter of personal boundaries. I would just never raise it.

Maybebabybee · 21/06/2016 21:07

*Yep my guess is most posters who are up in arms have never had a live-in help before.

I would find it absolutely revolting to have to deal with anyone with greasy hair, let alone someone living in my home and God forbid someone who is meant to be setting an example to the children.

The best advice is as above, be direct and firm. If she has a problem with it she knows where the door is.*

Pissing myself laughing Grin

Babymamaroon · 21/06/2016 21:20

I would find it disrespectful for someone to think it's ok to be unkempt and dirty, every day and in my home. I would simply have to speak about it as it would make me want to vomit.

Referencing it being a person I'm paying, I would have a choice as to whether I wanted them in my home and I really wouldn't want them there. Each to their own of course!