How do I ask my au pair to wash her hair???

[MiddleAgedMother]

That's it really. But it's seriously greasy, I thought it was wet!
She is very sweet, 19, but I have no idea how to approach it.
Older DC commenting on it too just not yet to her.
Thought she had yesterday but then it didn't dry so not..........

You seriously need to get a grip if seeing someone with greasy hair would make you want to vomit

No grip needed thanks. Just find it awful. Not everyone can like/dislike the same things.

There's a big difference between thinking someone's hair looks a bit manky but recognising it's their hair and they can do whatever the fuck they want with it and said hair making you want to throw up.

Some posters seem to think that they are perfectly entitled to blurt out whatever pops into their heads, obviously. It's their right as they have staff in their homes!

Utterly ridiculous and if you even entertain the thought of your children getting away with making personal comments about a person in your home and actually validating those comments then you're not doing your job.

I would start by telling her that head lice is rife in British schools and under no circumstances should she use the children's hair brushes.

Head lice live on a host, not an inanimate object like a hairbrush, ffs.

A few years ago we had a work placement girl. She lives in my street and I've known her family for yonks.
Mom and Dad are on DLA, I argue their eligibility but that's another story.
She was/is very smart in terms of intellect . However she is attractive yet her hair was filthy; her skin had a film of grease on it and she had globs of goodness knows what between her teeth.
I did try to discuss the importance of hygiene in the workplace; it all fell on deaf ears.
I was saddened that at 22 she had never had a proper job.
Fast forward 5 years and I bumped into her in town.
She told me she had got a new job in an office and was loving it.
Gone was the greasy hair, ancient coat and manky teeth.
She looked amazing.
I am sure someone had had a word with her about her appearance.
I reckon she was normalised to being unwashed ( as her parents are)
I think the au pair needs to told to address her hygiene issues as I suspect she comes from a family who are strangers to soap and water.

What on earth is the connection between being on DLA and being unwashed, why on earth is that relevant let alone wether you think they are entitled to it?

suburb lice can be transferred through brushes and soft furnishings, they can live 'off head' for quite some time

The personal appearance of someone in your employ in your home very much is your business.

I pay, I set the standard...

No, Bobo, you don't. That's so arrogant. You're paying for a job not a person and you don't get to dictate beyond acceptable personal hygiene.

OP has been asked repeatedly whether this woman smells and hasn't answered so the assumption is that she doesn't. OP doesn't like her hair condition, which is none of her business.

If you're a clean family then you will want a clean person working for you.

If you don't care much about personal hygiene then it won't be important whether the nanny has clean, grease-free hair.

The OP obviously rates cleanliness, so she really needs to have a chat with the nanny.

You can be a 'clean family', (whatever the hell that is?) and not seek to apply your own strictures on other people. People have different standards of cleanliness and, what I think is merely clean, others might think is sterile.

We don't know if this woman smells only that her hair is wet-look/greasy. OP has so far been unfussed about it to the extent of allowing her daughter to play with it. I wouldn't want OP's child's dirty fingers in my hair (kids always have dirty fingers!). If the nanny smells then it would be a kindness to tell her but over and above that, NO!

Upshot is that you don't get to put your 'stamp' on other people, try as you might, and if this nanny isn't a good fit then they aren't. Find somebody else.

Exactly.
People have different standards of cleanliness, for all we know the OP could be obsessive about cleanliness, to the point of the living environment being too clinical.
I would imagine that if you are like that, then it's very difficult to have someone living there who doesn't have the same standards.
Neither is right or wrong.
But there is a mismatch.

I'm suprised the OP didn't pick up on things at the interview

Could she have put ointment in it for eccema or allopecia or any type or hair complaint?

It really isn't arrogance to set standards for your employees, you know ;)

What the fuck is a "clean" family???

Weird thread. I'm guessing she is cheap labour from another country and you feel immensely grand about having a live in skivvy.

If the OP allows her children to gossip about the nanny without checking them then that says an awful lot about her parenting of them, that's disgraceful.

When you actually have employees, you don't treat them this way. Some posters here would find themselves on the wrong side of a tribunal. That is, a) if they actually would dare to confront a nanny in this way (which is highly doubtful given how confrontation-averse MN posters are) and b) if there were proper conditions of employment which again, I doubt.

People just like the idea of having 'staff' when they don't...

Oh for goodness sake! An adult should be clean (barring illness). There is no two ways about it. Nanny seems to have a perfectly adequate bathroom - no excuses for not using it. It's not difficult to stay clean

Unless she smells I don't think there's anything you can do about it.
Anyway have you had the convo? How did it go? I'm cringing just thinking about it.

There's some grim entitlement on this thread though

OP we need an update - hope it went okay.

She's not cheap labour from a foreign land!
Rather a well paid anglophone.

Ok so I have been so horribly English about it so far - sorry all! - made sure everyone else's hair clean. Shooed DCs off to wash hair pointedly and repeatedly.
Nanny v supportive of getting youngest in the shower regularly but interestingly not so hair washing.

It has got less greasy (still v greasy!) then more greasy again. Possibly she is using the wrong shampoo. High moisturising one? Or not using enough for our hard water.

It needs a serious shampoo - one shampoo and rinse wouldn't clean it!

Offered to get her her preferred shampoo & shower gel as she said she wouldn't use ours when she arrived - I did offer as only fair to stock up shower for arrival - but she doesn't like the ones we use and is very particular!!

But no, she doesn't want any - thank you.

She doesn't smell.

Need to bite the bullet. Keep hoping an opening will come up but the longer it goes on the worse it will be.

Our old nanny got offered baby sitting jobs from other mums at school - she won't looking like this which is a shame.

OP - how long has she been with you?

Buy her a groupon voucher or similar for a local salon and give it to her in a oh I have this voucher I'm not using or we could go together if you like kind of a way. That might give her a kick up the bum and encourage her to keep it nice and clean