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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Taking advantage of Live In Nanny

212 replies

ReasonablyIntelligent · 18/02/2016 17:45

Hi all,
I'm looking for some advise on how to deal with my Employer as I'm becoming increasingly unhappy in my position.

I am contracted to work 48 hours a week, Mon to Fri - I am aware that this is unusually low hours for a Nanny, a week typically being 60, so I am grateful for that.
However, since I started (4 months ago) I have yet to work a 48 hour week.
I live in a granny flat attached to the family home so obviously don't have a commute and am easily accessible.
It started off with Mum asking me if I minded staying an extra half an hour at the end of the day, always very apologetic. So instead of finishing at 5.30/6.00 I would finish at 6.30. Fine, don't mind staying late if she really needs it once in a while.
Now, however, 6.30 seem to be my default finish time, and I actually now consider it to be an early finish as 7.00/7.30 is more common.

This isn't so much "asked" nowadays as "told" and since Christmas there has only been 2 weekends that I've had the full two days off. Most of the Sundays had been booked in advanced - fair enough - but almost every weekend now I've been asked to work "just a few hours" so that the Mum can catch up on work. The problem with this is that we live extremely rurally and I don't have a car* which means I rely on public transport. By working even a few hours - my entire day is taken over, as I have to plan around the time and rarely can go out, in case it'd make me late. I also feel uncomfortable knowing I have to be back for a certain time so generally don't risk going out anyway.

I'm also feeling quite put upon because this extra work that my Boss is having to complete could easily be done in her working hours but she spends a lot of time during the day fussing over me or getting distracted by the baby. She must spend about an hour in 10 minute increments throughout the day just basically faffing with the baby.

*The job I applied for was offering a separate apartment away from the house and a separate car - neither of which actually happened. They had trouble with their first nanny and I think didn't want to make more financial commitment early on (fair enough) and said that it'd be something they look after I'd settled in.

Anyway, sorry for the essay! Am I being completely ungrateful and unreasonable? I feel so trapped (we're in a very rural area in a foreign country where I don't speak the language) as I just don't seem to ever be away from work.

OP posts:
ElleGrace · 30/03/2016 19:52

I'm glad you got on OK! No rush to mention the car, the mum in particular sounds like she needs baby steps at the moment and allowing the baby out is a big improvement.
Maybe you could suggest that now the weather is warmer it might be nice to go outside for tummy time e.g. to the park or the beach. (not sure where you are based so this may not be feasible). Make it clear you're thinking about the baby's best interests- crawling on and experiencing a range of textures rather than plain carpet/wood will be of great benefit to baby. Did you say baby is 9 months? Little trips out with the aid of a walker may be feasible very soon.
Also, mental stimulation is just as important as physical stimulation. Stress this to her if you can, even if its subtle comments such as 'X really enjoyed the park earlier, it was lovely to see her interacting with the birds and telling me what noise other animals make'.
If you think you have it good, then it's always worth working on a situation. As you say, if Mum does overcome her 'issues' this may be the perfect job!

Pico2 · 30/03/2016 20:09

It's a shame that they don't recognise being held as part of being active. Sitting up, being carried in different positions, standing with support on a lap all contribute to physical development.

Pico2 · 30/03/2016 20:13

Well done on having the meeting and getting somewhere with it.

Did you get anywhere with the hours you've been working and the weekend working?

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain · 30/03/2016 20:24

Just dashing to the plane but worth mentioning that Mum has had strict instructions from a baby physio that baby should not be sat up until she can physically pull herself into sitting position. Ditto standing up.
Walkers, bouncers etc are banned.

Pico2 · 30/03/2016 20:45

Blimey. We never used walkers or bouncers, on the advice of our HV team, but we supported them ourselves. DD2 could pretty much support her weight on her legs from birth.

LifeCrossRoad · 30/03/2016 23:39

Did you discuss the rediculous working hours and not having a day off and you need at least one protected day off when you can fuck off go out for the day to do whatever you want and have some breathing space?
Id also say that you're willing to stay long term if the original contract conditions are met, re car and seperate living quarters

cansu · 31/03/2016 06:54

They sound utterly bonkers tbh. surely you would be better with a more normal family in the UK? Babies all over the world go out in pushchairs and in car seats and are absolutely fine. The movement thing is just another example of a very uptight and controlling behaviour. Maybe this job is very well paid. It would have to be to be in such a dysfunctional environment.

Scarydinosaurs · 31/03/2016 07:25

The movement thing is NOT fair enough, surely as a childcare provider you know that? Why restrict time in a pushchair? It is absolutely fine and normal.

Do you often find yourself dealing with difficult families? I'm so shocked at how accepting you are about this situation.

JellyTipisthebest · 31/03/2016 08:03

I worked for a family like that that wouldn't allow baby to be propped up or anything. I left just before she turned 2 she still wasn't anywhere near walking. Think she walked about 2.5 year but it was a very strange walk she was very tall so that may have been some of it.

nannyafrica · 31/03/2016 08:42

So
{Mum is also afraid of the "hazardous" (her words) illnesses that go around (eg. Measles, Mumps etc etc) so doesn't want her integrating with other children excessively though says she recognises the importance of socialisation and outside stimulation. (Thus why we are allowed the 3 trips a week). Baby cannot have her MMR vaccine until June. }
But going on long haul flights is ok !!!!! there are more germs and bugs on a plane!!!

Scarydinosaurs · 31/03/2016 14:00

^^ Nanny makes an excellent point.

sephineee · 01/04/2016 09:29

Wow, they sound crackers.

LittleNelle · 01/04/2016 17:11

Are they German? That is very standard advice there - not sitting/propping up or walking them, lots of time on the floor to wriggle around.

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain · 02/04/2016 08:33

Yes, they're German.

Thanks again for the replies, I'll write a better response soon but I'm back in the UK at the moment and am pretending I don't have to go back, ignorance is bliss and all that.

Although I know that babies don't need free movement all day everyday, Mum Boss is a very very very difficult person to argue with and I felt I needed to pick my battles; presently we can go out for a walk every day and "activities" (ie. Something where baby can fully move when we get there) 3 times a week. This can only ever increase.

Mrscog · 02/04/2016 12:47

Have they got a garden? You could put picnic blankets down and do the rolling around etc outside. Although I'm a physio (well I trained as one, haven't workedas one for a few years) and I find the advice not to help them sit very strange! In fact with babies struggling to sit we used to support them to help develop their core tone etc!

LittleNelle · 02/04/2016 13:19

Interesting how so much pregnancy and baby care advice differs from country to country, even within Europe. Makes you wonder how much is actually evidence based!

rookiemere · 03/04/2016 12:36

I hope you're still back in the UK OP.

If you read your OP again it doesn't look as if any of your original valid concerns have been addressed. Instead a concession has been made on something that wasn't actually one of your core issues.

I worked abroad for a bit on a secondment in my early 30s. I didn't enjoy it and thought they didn't like me, but weirdly ended up accepting a permanent position when they offered it to me as I think I'd detached from reality and forgotten that I had a perfectly good job to return to back home and I wasn't particularly enjoying what I was doing. It took a friend to talk some sense into me to make me realise it.

OP I'm not sure why you're staying on with this, you're clearly not enjoying it and as you say the longer you leave it to quit, the shorter length of time it gives them to find a nanny for NY. Can you use your time in the UK to look for another job?

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain · 04/04/2016 13:59

Came back to work today.

I had quit by midday.

I'm not working my notice period and leaving immediately.

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain · 04/04/2016 14:01

Also: she said I was a liar and said that I am "psychologically unstable"

dinkystinky · 04/04/2016 14:02

Sounds like the best move OP. I hope your next job is with some much nicer parents!

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain · 04/04/2016 14:34

If I can get another job.
I've obviously got no reference now!

I worked out that my average working week was in excess of 12 hours over my contracted hours (on AVERAGE, so thats been lowered by January being normal hours and every other month being mental hours). So if they try and punish me for not working my notice period then I've got that in reserve. I also have had a severe decline in my mental health - which has been medically documented.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/04/2016 16:44

I think that as unpleasant as it is to be leaving on bad terms, you can probably see now that the mother had no intention of upholding her end of the agreement.

You really are better off being out of there. As a short term gig you don't even have to put it on your CV. Apply some fake tan and claim a nice long holiday. Smile

Best of luck getting home and finding a new role. Update when you are at the airport feeling much lighter!

rookiemere · 04/04/2016 17:35

I'm so glad you're leaving OP, you could tell from your posts that you were in a bad way, and it was totally down to them and not you.

Presumably you have good references from previous jobs so once you've had a bit of recovery time I'm sure you'll find yourself a much better position.

EnglishFern · 04/04/2016 18:05

Crumbs OP they sound utterly bonkers!

Thank god you're out of there, I think you'll find it nothing but a huge relief.

What prompted you to finally walk out?

GertrudeBadger · 04/04/2016 19:53

Yes you sound much better off out of there, nothing's worth getting poorly over - it's hilarious that the mum accused you of being unstable :) Good nannies are hard to come by and most people understand that there are at least one or two people employing nannies who are quite barking. Hopefully one day it'll be merely a funny story you tell when you meet other nannies of 'the worst boss you ever had' type.