Nanny quit before starting because questions I asked her referee

[machinemum]

After weeks of searching, interviews etc I found a nanny I really liked and got great vibe. She came to the house twice and we talked very openly, as you do, and early last week got to an arrangement to start Monday morning, turning down some other really great girls. Friday afternoon via text message she says she cannot work for me. When I call frantically as starting work on Monday she says (via text no call) that the questions I asked her referee were completely inappropriate. I am shocked. I had great chat with her referee we spoke and laughed and shared. It was all positive and kind. Is this excuse? I know she did have a few reservations about the job, such as I may move in new year so wanted to be honest I could only commit to the end. Should I just move on trying to find someone else and forget it? Or should I find out what the questions were that were considered inappropriate? Racking my brains trying to retrace the conversation. Not like I asked her favourite position, just general things about responsibility, trust, did she socialise, strengths and weaknesses. I thought the protocol was that you do ask fairly probing questions about someone if they are going to have sole charge of your baby and be in your family, possibly staying over. Very confused. I feel let down that the referee 'warned' her against me.

Are you looking for nannies or trying to hunt peds?

There is a huge false sense of security around using an agency.

Let's just get one thing straight, I've been on several agencies books at any given time and can tell you this??, a half hour interview, a quick flick through my portfolio and a call to my last job was all they did. They don't even FIND you the nanny, we go to them. They do zero let work. And cost you a bomb. It's a joke.

All that aside, OP- you are bonkers and should not be an employer.

Definitely agree chasing. And to the PP who said 'That's how you know your nanny has been more thoroughly vetted' in regards to an agency, you obviously haven't been on the nanny side of this process or you'd know that isn't true!

Agencies are great for parents who don't feel confident in which checks they should be making of a potential nanny (like you OP), but otherwise a fairly experienced/sensible employer is more than capable of doing it themselves.

I once had a nanny who was Muslim, and a Lesbian. It was none of my business. It did not in any way influence the great job she did with my baby. Even if she was working while I was working from my home office (accounting). There were no overtures, no notions towards Mecca in the day, just a nanny doing a brilliant job.

It only became an issue when she moved in her stack of Lesbian porn into my friends bookshelf. (We had a nanny share - brief)
Her husband was most amused at my friends choice of reading material, even more bemused when my friend told him it was the nannys. "Cor, what do you girls get up to"

Disclaimer, this post is made tongue in cheek in disbelief at OP, nevertheless it is true.

On the agency point - it does depend on the agency. I've been registered with 5 at varying points and only 1 has been less than thorough. However, employers won't know which agencies are thorough and which not so it is always wise to do some of their own checks too.

Good lord! I too would have thought the employee was being massively over sensitive until I read the other posts.

You could have asked 'does x social life ever impinge on her working life?' but not just unrelated questions around her social life. And you just cannot ask about religion, the closest I can think of would be of part of the job was taking your children to church or equivalent, would she feel comfortable with that.

You massively overstepped and seem to not know the basics of the law, which you broke in asking those questions. I'd brush up on that ASAP if you're going to try and hire another nanny.