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Non medical but worrying day off that I can't cover wwyd ?

487 replies

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:33

My CM has found a lump in her breast which obviously she's worried sick about and has booked herself an appointment at a private hospital for Tuesday, she's told me this, not asked if it's ok iyswim. Now I know i'd be worried to death about finding a lump but I really cannot take this time off and DH would be unpaid which we can't afford. I don't want to sound like a heartless cow but she had Friday off at short notice for an uncles funeral and now this, would it be completely awful to ask her to rebook for Wednesday ?

OP posts:
mancmum · 02/09/2006 22:39

yes it would be she must be out of her mind with worry put yourself in her shoes... would you and DH not book in for the first day you could, no matter what impact at work if you had something like this?

This is the horrible rub of being dependant on a single point for child care.. is there no way you can put kids with some one else -- surely it is not all day appointment? No way she can have an appt at a time to minimise impact to you?

mancmum · 02/09/2006 22:40

.. on the Tuesday... sorry meant to add that!

shimmy21 · 02/09/2006 22:42

are you mad?

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:48

We're completely dependant on her, I may even loose my job if I have another day off, leaving us both out of a job. She has been to the GP and she would be waiting 6 weeks for an appointment if she wasn't going private so another day is better than 6 weeks.

I thought I'd run it by you see what people thought first though.

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dmo · 02/09/2006 22:50

your poor c/m
this is the thing about working for yourself by yourself when a medical emergancy comes up you have to close shop
would you she rather have it checked out now early on or be dead in 6 mths?
if you ask her she may know another c/m who would have your child for the day i know i do (a friend c/m had my 2 mindees while i went to a funural)

FeelingOld · 02/09/2006 22:51

I am a childminder and I state in my portfolio that 'wherever possible I will give 4 weeks notice for days needed off except in an emergency concerning myself or my family or for a bereavement in my close family'.
I would consider this an emergency, you can never be seen too soon in these circumstances. Surely you must have realised that situations like this can/may arise when you use a childminder instead of a nursery. What would you do if your child was ill on tuesday, would you just go to work regardless or would you take the day off?
I don't mean to sound harsh but surely you would not ask her to change her app however hard it is for you.

noddyholder · 02/09/2006 22:52

Bloody hell are you joking Breast cancer or a days lost pay?How can you even ask?

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:52

What I meant was that the GP has given the lump a check over already and in her words didn't exactly seem in a hurry to pull out all the stop to get her an urgent appointment (although maybe 6 weeks is an urgent appointment ???).
Of course we would want the first appointment and we want her to have the first appointment but it does cause a major problem, as I said just thinking out loud.

OP posts:
Jasnem · 02/09/2006 22:53

If the choice is you lose your job, dp takes an unpaid day, or ask her to change appt, I'd manage with dp taking an unpaid day.(And seriously look for some kind of "back up" child care for future use)

Katymac · 02/09/2006 22:53

If I found a lump - I honestly don't think I could wrok until I had some info - I'm sorry Angela - but I'm surprised she is working the rest of the weeknever mind Monday or Tuesday

Some people can deal with stuff like this and carry on (my mum is like that)

I would completely go to pieces and be a gibbering wreak - completely unable to look after my own children never mind anyone elses

phatcat · 02/09/2006 22:53

I do sympathise but think that her app should take priority. Is switching to a nursery an option in the long run if things are so marginal with your jobs?

FeelingOld · 02/09/2006 22:54

I agree with dmo, ask her if she knows another cm. I meet up regularly with other cm in my area and our mindees know all of us/each other very well and have covered for each other on the odd occasion eg funerals, illness.

FeelingOld · 02/09/2006 22:54

I agree with dmo, ask her if she knows another cm. I meet up regularly with other cm in my area and our mindees know all of us/each other very well and have covered for each other on the odd occasion eg funerals, illness.

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:57

I think we need a plan B then or maybe a nursery, I just didn't expect so many things to crop up on top of the normal illness (which of course we did expect).
Thanks for stopping me putting my foot in it.

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dmo · 02/09/2006 23:00

get your child tomo to make a card for c/m
it will make her feel happy and valued and dont mention a word to her about how unconvinet her app is to you it will just add to her list of things to worry about

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 23:08

DMO - she's found a lump not been given 6 weeks to live
TBH I don't want to over react and make her think she should be worrying iyswim.

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fireflyfairy2 · 02/09/2006 23:17

Jeez, I love my c/minder like a sister... I would offer to drive her there on Tuesday, I would ask her if she needed any help looking after her own kinds during the appointment on Tuesday.. I would make it as easy as possible for her. Your post makes you come across as very selfish, which I am sure you are not by the way

CountessDracula · 02/09/2006 23:19

I thought that lumps had to be seen within 2 weeks on the nhs. That's what I was told when I had one.

Anyway, I think you would be heartless to ask her to change the appt. Can't you get someone from an agency for the day if it is so imperative that you are at work? Or take a sickie yourself?

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 23:24

I'm sure I do sound selfish and maybe I am putting my job, our finances, my children over her health, so I'll keep quiet. From what i've read though 9/10 lumps aren't cancer but of course she needs checking out.

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Bibliophile · 02/09/2006 23:25

ask your cm if any friends can help out, then you either get a friend to help, call an agency or your dh takes the day off. It's only one day. You'll manage. Good luck.

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 23:26

There is nobody else I would leave my children with so it's her or a sickie for me (DH doesn't earn £30 a day, it's too much for us to loose out on), hopefully i can pull it off or else we'll oth be looking for another job

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Bibliophile · 02/09/2006 23:31

Why not another child minder? You are legally entitled to parental leave, you know. You can't legally be fired for taking it either.

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 23:37

I've only been with the company 7 weeks and in that time i've had two weeks off for her holiday, booked a long time ago so no complaints from me there, a day off for her being sick, a day I had to take as holiday for her uncle's funeral and I just know if I call up and tell the truth i'll be sacked, they won't say you're being sacked because of needing to take parental leave but they'll think of something it's already been hinted at. Now I actually only took the job to keep the CM in a job and so DD could keep going there as she does love going but I'm just worried, if she is ill then she'll need treatment and my boss won't put up with any more time off so then I'll have find alternative childcare and then look like even more of a cow for giving notice just when she doesn't need to be jobless. Just worrying too much in advance

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AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 23:38

I just don't like leaving the children with people I don't know and they don't know, it took me 2.5 years to find/get to know/trust this one

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batters · 02/09/2006 23:57

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