Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Non medical but worrying day off that I can't cover wwyd ?

487 replies

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:33

My CM has found a lump in her breast which obviously she's worried sick about and has booked herself an appointment at a private hospital for Tuesday, she's told me this, not asked if it's ok iyswim. Now I know i'd be worried to death about finding a lump but I really cannot take this time off and DH would be unpaid which we can't afford. I don't want to sound like a heartless cow but she had Friday off at short notice for an uncles funeral and now this, would it be completely awful to ask her to rebook for Wednesday ?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:05

Dh is on a project earning more in a day than I earn in 5 months, it just cannot be done. We can't afford to loose that money, it would be better for me to loose my job.

OP posts:
oops · 03/09/2006 12:07

Message withdrawn

Saturn74 · 03/09/2006 12:08

I've read this thread from start to finish and I'm stunned! AC, you refer to this as "all for the sake of changing a blooming appointment" . I think Nursery childcare would best suit your situation, then you are not reliant on one person. I hope everything goes well for your CM on Tuesday - she sounds like she's had a very stressful time lately.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:09

oops - it is getting too hard, maybe the appointment is just the icing on the cake, I really didn't except to be this tough.
Thanks for the support, I really do appreciate it.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 03/09/2006 12:09

Does dh not get sick pay, Angela? I've done a lot of temping in the past, the lack of sick/holiday pay was a real swine. No work = no eat, it's a very scary way to live.

I can see why you are worried, this is a really awful situation.

If he really can't have a day off, I think I would grit my teeth and go for finding an emergency childminder/agency nanny/drop in nursery, anyone who could have them at short notice for that day. I also see why you hate this idea, I never leave my children with anyone either - but you have got to do something, and it isn't going to be ideal.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:10

Humphrey Cushion - I've made all the right noises to the CM herself on the telephone, my concious is clear [GRIN]

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 03/09/2006 12:13

I don't think you should feel guilty - it's not ehartless or cruel to be airing your side of the problem here and trying to find a solution. Of course it's terrifying for the CM and she must have the lump checked out - but you have got to deal with the logistical nightmare. This is the right place to be saying the things you wouldn't say to her!

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:14

Greensleeves, I think I have to resign, or just bite the bullet and ask her to move the appointment.
DH is the (contract) lead project manager on huge project that if he has bloody dripping from his eyes he would still have be in that office at 8am to be seen to be there.
I can't get sacked, I'd never leave the house again so it's as simple as that.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 03/09/2006 12:15

Can you ask work for the day off as parental leave, but say that you're happy to tender your resignation if they're having trouble with you being "unreliable"? (I put that in quotes because you're not being unreliable, your childcare is - not that it's her fault, but a no-show at work is a no-show at work, to them - whatever the reason).

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:16

I'm going to resign - thanks for the reassurance, I as you said came on here to think out loud and see if there was anything else people could think of but I am stuffed as a turkey lol

I'll tell my boss the truth and I'll know straight away if it's a problem, if so I'll have my letter already so I get in first.

OP posts:
emmatom · 03/09/2006 12:17

CM's lump comes first. Health always does.

Where do you live Angela. I'll happily look after your little one for one day to help you out.
I'm retired Police Woman, sane as they come, child would be 110% safe. Really am happy to help (as I'm sure others here would be too). Genuine offer.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:33

Thank you. I'm near Liverpool, but honestly you could be Mary Poppins herself and I'd be worried sick all day, my LO is an utter nightmare and would howl like a banshee. I did attachment parenting thinking it would make her more independant and less clingy, it doesn't seem to have worked

OP posts:
dmo · 03/09/2006 12:59

if you dont need to work dont
let your c/m sort out her health and get another child or work in a supermarket
you dont need the stress or the money so why go through it all
as you have repeated you dont want just anybody to look after your dd so the best person who wont let you down is yourself

tissy · 03/09/2006 13:25

OK, I've been thinking about this a bit more...

what time is CM's appointment? Assuming that she receives good news- could she look after your child when she gets back? If so, how about leaving it till Tuesday, phone into work on Tuesday with the story that your childminder has had to go to hospital, and you'll be a "bit late". Offer to work late/ Weekend/ cover someone else's shift to make up for it. You could end up only needing an hour or two off.

You then need to consider what will happen if your CM does have cancer- she will need LOADS of time off for treatment, appointments, surgery etc, so clearly the arrangement cannot continue. You can then decide at that point, whether to go for alternative childcare or to quit and go back to being a SAHM. Obviously, if your boss isn't happy about the time off, and suggests that you won't pass your probation, then resign anyway. If your CM does need to take more time off on Tuesday than a few hours, offer your resignation if it makes you feel better.

Don't think you say how old your dd is, but I wouldn't get stressed over your dd howling when left. It happens. They usually cheer up as soon as you're out of sight. My dd did, and she's a reasonably well-adjusted 4 year old now.

batters · 03/09/2006 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 13:37

You see i will feel 100 times worse if she finds out she does have cancer and I then have to say well, that's awful but here's 4 weeks notice on top of that.

I don't love my job I took it to get out out of the house and test the water really and was worried if I didn't go back soon I never would and there is the opportunity for promtion but I doubt I would want more responsibility.
I'm just going to resign on Monday I think and get it all over with.
Thanks for all the words of wisdom.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 03/09/2006 13:47

I'm with Batters on this. AngelaChill, just because someone's a lead project manager doesn't mean they can't take a day off and it would, in any circles I've ever moved in (stuffed with lead PMs in large organisations), be HIGHLY unlikely to lead to sacking/end of contract. Could your dh take a portion of the day off? Start later/go in earlier or something? Presumably he'd still get his daily rate then. Or could he dial in from home?

It sounds as if a) a nursery wpuld probably suit your circumstances better and b) your employers aren't terribly nice to work for. It is possible to be 2 parents who work ftoth but a nursery or nanny with backup probably works best ime.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 13:50

It wouldn't lead to DH being sacked he runs the organisation, but he wouldn't get paid for that day and we need the money, can you really not understand that ? I have said it would be better for me to not work for 5 months than for him to miss 1 day.
I'm going for a lie down in a dark room !

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 03/09/2006 13:50

Because really the question you're asking here, it seems to me, is how you you manage when you both work and various unforeseen circumstances crop up. And there isn't one answer to that question, we all do the best we can for our circumstances. In your position I wouldn't throw in the towel with the job yet, I'd consider

a) a friend you trust
b) a family member you trust
c) dh doing as I suggest below
d) sharing the day off 50/50
e) telling your employer the truth and offering to make up the time/effort some other way. I don't know what you do but could you dial in/go in early/leave early/do a late evening one day?
f) Getting dh to take the day and take the cost
g) Getting a nursery pdq, although they do need settling in so you'd need to book some time to cover that.

batters · 03/09/2006 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 13:54

a) a friend you trust - Would love to be Tuesday is too short notice I think for most.
b) a family member you trust - nope non of those.
c) dh doing as I suggest below - non starter
d) sharing the day off 50/50 - non starter
e) telling your employer the truth and offering to make up the time/effort some other way. I don't know what you do but could you dial in/go in early/leave early/do a late evening one day? - Again out of the question.
f) Getting dh to take the day and take the cost - £750 - we need the money.
g) Getting a nursery pdq, although they do need settling in so you'd need to book some time to cover that - great for next time but now is the problem.

I give up !

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 03/09/2006 13:54

Ok, so what about the solutions I've suggested then? If he's in charge surely he can re arrange stuff/dial in from home/work later and come in later/something? It just sounds extreme, chucking in your job just because of this, which is a problem with several possible solutions, it seems to me. But if you hate it and don't need th emoney then I'd resign anyway!

batters · 03/09/2006 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch · 03/09/2006 13:55

x posted. OK, resign then! I was actually trying to be helpful.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 13:56

I don't hate the job otherwise I wouldn't have taken it but it does seem to be more trouble than it's worth. As per usual I'm trying to do things with the right intentions but am going to end up upsetting the Cm more than if I hadn't bothered at all.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread