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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Non medical but worrying day off that I can't cover wwyd ?

487 replies

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:33

My CM has found a lump in her breast which obviously she's worried sick about and has booked herself an appointment at a private hospital for Tuesday, she's told me this, not asked if it's ok iyswim. Now I know i'd be worried to death about finding a lump but I really cannot take this time off and DH would be unpaid which we can't afford. I don't want to sound like a heartless cow but she had Friday off at short notice for an uncles funeral and now this, would it be completely awful to ask her to rebook for Wednesday ?

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Original poster

AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 13:59

I know you were trying to be helpful, it's just that I have been over and over this since Friday afternoon and was left with
a) Resign
b) She moves the appointment.

I have actually phoned a HR helpline who have suggested it is perfectly reasonable to ask her to move the appointment if it is in business hours.
If I had to take the appointment I couldn't do it during a company/client meeting for example.
Anyway going round and round in circles now.

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WideWebWitch · 03/09/2006 14:03

I think if you had to take the appt and your life potentially depended on it you would do so during company/client hours. And expect your employer to live with it, quite rightly. But I do appreciate that you're the employer and there's a knock on effect on you wrt this situation. Sometimes there are things more important that client meetings/work deadlines I guess is my point and I think if it were you you too might re prioritise.

noddyholder · 03/09/2006 14:08

But if your dh is earning £750 a day you don't really need to wotty!Having said that I think he could make the time up if he was really ill he would

batters · 03/09/2006 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossam · 03/09/2006 14:11

I probably shouldn't comment on this - bit too close to the bone. My mother has just had breast cancer, Angela, and if her work had told her to delay the appointment as it wasn't convinient I would have wanted to go down there and scream at them. The day my mum went to the clinic I was working, and so so very worried. FWIW they will not necessarily be able to tell your CM whether it is cancerous or not on that day.

You are so very flippant about the whole situation which is what has got peoples backs up - 'only a consultation' or words to that effect and '9/10 lumps are non cancerous'. Oh right, well then F8ck it she has a one in ten chance of being seriously ill so she should just wait untill you can fit it in your hectic schedule.

The fact is there are ways and means of you getting around this - people have made plenty of suggestions all of which you have phoo phooed. I feel you are being overly stubborn about this when you should be bending over backwards to try and accomodate your CM at this stressful time. This thread really has brought tears to my eyes that anyone could be so callous - and yes I have seen that you say your job is on the line - but no I don't buy it because you won't even consider any of the other options which are available to you.

batters · 03/09/2006 14:14

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossam · 03/09/2006 14:15

Exactly Batters. And to be very flippant - if earning 750 a day i would think DH could afford to run several CM's.

batters · 03/09/2006 14:17

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch · 03/09/2006 14:19

AngelaChill, is this the cm/nanny who is on a months notice with you? Or didn't you give her a months notice in the end? In which case isn't your child going to nursery soon anyway?

WigWamBam · 03/09/2006 14:19

"Perfectly reasonable" to demand she moves her appointment? Not in my book it's not. And for what it's worth, this may not be her only appointment - she may have to go for scans, biopsies, surgery ... are you going to demand she moves her appointments for those too, or are you going to look at a more reasonable approach to this? Regardless of what you say, if you had to make an appointment because of a breast lump you would reasonably expect to be able to take the time off, regardless of whether you had meetings, and I can't see why it would be different for your cm just because she happens not to work in an office.

I'm afraid that if I worked for you I'd tell you to take a running jump.

misdee · 03/09/2006 14:21

wish i hadnt read this.

AC, your MC health comes first always.

if your company sack you for taking a day for parental leave, then look into seeking some compo from them.

if a friend phoned me up today and asked if i could look after their child on tuesday then its not short notice IMO, would do it easily.
(dh and VAD permitting of course).

If your dh earns £750 a day, then can he make the hours up another day? work on his bookd day off?

Flossam · 03/09/2006 14:24

All seems to have gone V V quiet -

Flossam · 03/09/2006 14:49

Sorry my last rant - an attachment parent who sent her DD to the CM for a couple of days a week so she could do the housework? A contradiction in terms surely?

Sobernow · 03/09/2006 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angela2005 · 03/09/2006 14:53

Much sympathy, AngelaChill

My first reaction was: of course you shouldn't ask her to change appointment.

But after reading through, I think you should be honest with her. If she isn't hysterically worried, then let her make the choice - explain the probable end to your employment, but tell her that is a risk you are perfectly prepared to take especially cos it is stressful working for bosses who don't like childcare days off - if you're good friends as it sounds like, then she should believe that, and be able to take informed decision.

If I was CM, I think I'd rather be given the choice than have you try to be nice by saying nothing, but then give me notice!

Totally understand about work - you might be theoretically protected but there is no way to prove their motive especially on probabtionary period. So good luck!!

Original poster

AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 16:07

My final word and you can all carry on without me with tears in your eyes if you must, is that I will have to resign, end of.
Those who have tried to think of helpful solutions, I thank you and I do appreciate your efforts.
Clearly i shall have to think twice about what I post on this site in future i just wrongly thought if you can't be honest on here then where can you.

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noddyholder · 03/09/2006 16:10

resigning is so ott in this situation If you can resign this easy I don't think you ever really needed our suggestions as you had made up your mind.How you plan to get through day to day with this attitude is beyond me tbh I feel for you in all honesty as life is about give and take and compromise and you are not prepared to do any

Original poster

AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 16:11

WWW unfortunately I decided to try and make it all work rather than give her months notice a few weeks ago, I obviously really, really wish I had we'd be on our way to sorting out the nursery now. It's all going to be un necessarily upsetting for everyone because I delayed hoping for the best.

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Original poster

AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 16:12

Noddy I had been through the solutions - over and over and was down to two choices.
You have stated it's not right to ask her to move the appointment so then that's it. end of.

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Flossam · 03/09/2006 16:19

AC - I doubt many of us want to read posts like this from you again. Your attitiude has left many dumbfounded. I'm glad I so rarely meet people as heartless as you.

noddyholder · 03/09/2006 16:20

why can't your husband have the day off?Would he still go to work if you were ill?What is the differnce I am surprised he hasn't offered

hunkermunker · 03/09/2006 16:21

{{{Flossam}}}

Original poster

AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 16:28

Flossam - nobody is being heartless - your mum is a very different kettle of fish, for a start she is the right age to be at risk of Breast Cancer, my CM isn't, it will be extremely unlucky if that is what she has. I'm afraid on planet real world, people cannot drop everything and that would include me if I had the lump.

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noddyholder · 03/09/2006 16:30

I am beginnin gto think we have all been had!No one esp another woman is this heartless.

Original poster

AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 16:31

Noddy he just can't end of story, my mum isn't available, yes i could spend all of monday calling around my friends but tbh that won't go down too well with my boss either and Monday night is cutting it rather fine.

As I said a couple of hours I go, I shall be honest tell my boss how it is and if it looks like i'm going to be sacked jump in first with my resignation.

Then my next dilema will be , do I give her her notice on monday night or wait until Tuesday

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