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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Non medical but worrying day off that I can't cover wwyd ?

487 replies

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:33

My CM has found a lump in her breast which obviously she's worried sick about and has booked herself an appointment at a private hospital for Tuesday, she's told me this, not asked if it's ok iyswim. Now I know i'd be worried to death about finding a lump but I really cannot take this time off and DH would be unpaid which we can't afford. I don't want to sound like a heartless cow but she had Friday off at short notice for an uncles funeral and now this, would it be completely awful to ask her to rebook for Wednesday ?

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noddyholder · 03/09/2006 10:59

If you think you will lose your job get your husband to call in sick.It is not the end of the world for one day.I agree you should have some back up childcare in future as your employers sound very rigid.I am sure the alternative childcare will be fine tbh esp as your cm recommends her.

HappyMumof2 · 03/09/2006 10:59

Message withdrawn

oops · 03/09/2006 11:00

Message withdrawn

tissy · 03/09/2006 11:00

Well, in which case you need to decide what is most important to you- the job, the money dh earns or your childminder.

What happens after your probabtionary period? oes your salary increase? Is there potential for promotion and further job satisfaction. What I mean is, maybe the loss of dh's earnings for a day would be worthwhile, if you can keep your job and improve your earning potential in the future?

I for one, am trying to be helpful, and think around this problem with you. If you didn't want to hear what other people think, why did you start this thread?

tissy · 03/09/2006 11:02

obviously the thread moved on a bit while I was typing!

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:11

tissy you are being helpful and i do appreciate it.

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Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:18

Oops I do see you're point, I guess what makes her such a lovely girl is the fact that she is so genuine and nice and she made the decission she can only work with children she loves and circumstances which are perfect. And on that basis she decided if she couldn't earn enough working for me a few days a week then she didn't want to work for anyone else. Of course that may have changed in the last 7 weeks I don't know.

What i think has become clear as a result of this thread, for which I am grateful is that this arrangement isn't working for me and is putting me under pressure and feeling shit when I have no reason to.
So I think I have give everyone notice asap.
Thanks for the advice.

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Judy1234 · 03/09/2006 11:32

I found a lump. I waited longer than on the NHS to get a private evening appointment because I couldn't afford to take time from work (I work for myself) and I know most lumps are not a problem (and it wasn't) but people differ. You have to keep her happy. Our nannies have often taken children to appointments with them, including when our nanny was pregnant.

NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:32

Not read whole post or comments but i cant believe this question has eevn been asked

yes it would be COMPLETELY unreasonable to ask her to reboom it...

how inconsiderate of her... what with relatives dieing then potential breast cancer to take a couple of days off at short notice...

YOUR children and YOUR children and YOUR responsibility and if YOU dont have cover then its YOUR problem...

Sorry but i cant believe you would even CONSIDER questioning it!

Thats just my opinion!

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:34

NannyL perhaps you should read the whole thread before commenting - just a thought.

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NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:36

*rebook

NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:38

have read the whole thread not and opion hasnt changed

they are YOU child(ren) and if childminder has a lump then she NEEDS to go to hopsital for her oen sanity...

full support to childminder here and yes it STILL sounds completley unreasonable... to even THINK about it

NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:38

*your (sorry dont seemt o be able to spell today!)

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:41

Well as I've said basically we'll both be unemployed on Wednesday if I don't think about it, so i'm rather caught between a rock and a hard place aren't i. Things aren't black and white.

OP posts:
soapbox · 03/09/2006 11:45

I have read this thread and think there is a lot of understanding of the CM's position, rightly so. However, there seems to be a lack of appreciation for AC's position. I think it is important to recognise the terrible stress that unreliable childcare places on parents. And whilst each one of the CM's absences individually are for valid reasons, 3 days of being let down at short notice out of 5 weeks in my mind is unreliable.

The stress of thinking you are about to lose your job over things that are out of your control must be terrible. And I think that AC was trying to articulate this.

FWIW, I would tell your employer that you need the day off, but that you appreciate the difficulties that your unreliable childcare is causing both you and them. Tell them that you are considering new childcare arrangements in order to prevent this problem occuring again. I'd switch to a nursery tbh, if your employer gets so edgy about unplanned absenses.

NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:45

well there you go then...

but as harsh as this may sound... if YOUR employers really wanted YOU then they wouldnt 'sack' you or make an excuse to make you leave because your child minder having potnetial breast cancer.... they would be accomodating...

BUT if they need an excuse to let you go and now they have an excuse then.... well enough said there really...

as for you both being unemployed... do you not have a contract? therefore you have to give her notice... and surely you need notice too?

seb1 · 03/09/2006 11:51

I believe an unforeseen breakdown in childcare comes under this direct gov so I don't think they can sack you. Hope your CM is ok.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:52

Well NannyL as I said the real world is not black and white and I think what my employers want is somebody that turns up regularly which I am not doing through no fault of my own. Yes we both would get a weeks notice but I don't need that money to put a roof over my head and buy food, the CM does and so I am trying not to put us both in that situation. All for the sake of changing a blooming appointment.

Soapbox - thanks for the support, this is very stressful, I'm writing out resignation letters now as I don't want to be sacked for my own self esteem, it took me 2.5 years to take the plunge and now I've realised why most mums i know need to work but don't.

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noddyholder · 03/09/2006 11:53

A blooming appointment???

seb1 · 03/09/2006 11:55

Also here dti

soapbox · 03/09/2006 11:56

seb1 - normally that would be the case, but AC is still on her probationary period - so they don't need to give her a reason why they are not keeping her on at the end of it.

seb1 · 03/09/2006 11:58

or here dti again

Greensleeves · 03/09/2006 12:03

I agree with soapbox. This is a very difficult situation for everybody.

I agree that it's unreasonable of your boss/company to be so difficult about parental leave - but surely it can't come as a surprise to anyone? The attitude of lots of employers towards family commitments is still appalling. And despite the law protecting parental leave, if you are still in your probationary period you do stand to lose your job if they think you are unreliable. I do sympathise with you there.

If I were in your situation I think I would ask dh to take the day off. It's not ideal but it would prevent you/the childminder from ending up unemployed.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:04

Seb1 - it really isn't that simple, if they have any intelligence what so ever they aren't going to say it's because your childcare arrangements have broken down are they ? And as I haven't been with them a year I don't have a leg to stand on anyway.
I'm not in the habit of getting my knickers in a twist but it really does seem that I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
What if I give her notice, quit my job and then she says, oh that appointment could have been moved ?

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oops · 03/09/2006 12:05

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