Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

[susiemumof]

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

When my son was this small, I worked full time and because of where I worked, he was at cm 12 hours a day 5 days a week. As he got older, many days I would pick him up from hers and he would fall asleep for the night in the car on the way home (45 min journey) and I would cry for the rest of the way because I missed him so much and I felt so bad that I didn't see him more. I'd get him up stupidly early just to spend half an hour before work being with him.

Every possible minute I had I spent with him. But after 12 months of this I had a breakdown of sorts because it was totally unsustainable. I was going properly mad through sleep deprivation/guilt/worry/stress. When I finally did have a day off to myself I cried when I left the cms house to go back home because I felt so guilty about leaving my precious boy there whilst I did something for me. (Shock horror I did exactly what other posters have suggested, I got my hair cut ran some errands in town then went home to do just enough housework to stop my house being condemned before collapsing in a heap for a nap before I turned round and collected him again)

But I know now that if I don't take time like this for myself every so often I am going to be a poor excuse of a person. And whilst he is undeniably the most important thing in my life, and always will be, this doesn't mean that I am not important at all. It doesn't mean that the other responsibilities I have need to be totally ignored. One day off is not going to kill anyone, but it might just help save the mums' sanity (and I mean actual sanity, not "oh blimey I feel a bit crazy today" sanity)

Women need to be a bit nicer to each other- if we don't stick together and support each other, who the fuck else will?

Funny no it's because she works three days a week from about 8am to 6pm. Her H works FT and equally long days. Her baby is at the childminder from 7.30am to 6.30 pm for those three days.

She has told me before that her job is so knackering that she needs the two other days of the week to 'chill'. Therefore she also takes the baby to the cm for the same hours on the two other days.

Yes I'm being judgey but I think it's really sad that her baby is spending such a huge amount of time away from it's parents.

Pregnant, working and MNing in between and using a nursery. Because I don't even care enough about ds to provide him with one-to-one care.

I used to be not pregnant, not working and using a nanny!

PS her H sometimes works over the weekend so takes days off during the week instead. On those days he also takes their DD to the cm. And I judge him for it just as much.

Some of you must have really high boredom thresholds to want to spend so much time with babies...

Have any of you judgy types considered that maybe sending the baby to childminder or nursery as normal is best for the child? Many children like their routine and get terribly unsettled if it's disrupted.

Totally agree with EvacuationWarden

"I remember the bit where feminists tried to liberate women from the shackles of child-rearing. But perhaps I'm just that bit better read?"

I doubt it.

But I guess if you buy into the idea that raising children is a "shackle", rather than something worthwhile, then you're a different kind of feminist than I.

60 hours a week of being freed from the shackles of spending time with your children would be more than enough for most parents. And babies.

Havent read the full thread so sorry if I am repeating what others have said, but maybe she needs a break and some time to herself I do

Thank you evacuation for also standing up an saying you were that Mum too though with slightly different feelings. I am now off to book a couple more me days so I continue to exist.

The obligation on women to raise children is a shackle. Of course it is.

The choice to elect to raise our children ourselves, share it with partner or family or use childcare is definitely a feminist issue. Where there is no choice there exists a metaphorical shackle and I stand by that statement.

but badtaste you didn't answer my question. Would it be OK if she was working for all that time and not seeing her DC?

Oh Katie that is pure evil. That poor poor child

I send ds to nursery when I'm off sometimes, he is older and sometimes I give him choice. He wants to go instead of shopping.

I have also either kept quiet or said I have had a day off when in fact I have had an appointment/had to go to court (as a witness not a defendant) and other things.

well said Katie

Women need to be a bit nicer to each other- if we don't stick together and support each other, who the fuck else will? Quite. Most people choose to do what's best for their child and their family. Different choices are just that - different. Not criticisms or comments on others who made different choices.

and I am that we are still having to have this argument

It's like we've slipped back to 1972...

I work FT and occasionally manage to get a day off in the week. It's always spent in a manic catching up session of housework/paying bills/food shopping so that come the weekend I can have two full days with DD without having to break off to do other chores. I think that is a better deal for her (and me).

There was an occasion when I had spent all day washing floors and deep cleaning the bathroom and when I went to pick DD up from nursery (wearing jeans) one of the staff remarked to everyone how she didn't think it was right that children should be kept at nursery when the parents had a day off. I got home and burst into tears at the criticism which I felt was particularly unfair when I was just trying to do the best thing for DD

I have a full time nanny as i work full time. However I do sometimes take a half day off specifically so i can do some of the fun things that she gets to do with my kids! then either I do something with all of them (and nanny) or I do something with one or two of them so I can have special time with them and she has the other one or two.

I have very rarely used maybe a couple of hours of that to get things done for myself that I would find very difficult to do with 3 children under 5 in tow. Once it was to go to a funeral, another time to see a very sick relative. Once to get my hair done (for the first time in 9 months)

It does not mean that I am lazing around sleeping but to be honest if, on a very rare occassion I was very feeling exhausted, ill, run down, having been up 5 times a night with ill children and trying to do a full time job, and were starting to get ratty with everyone, then having a few hours to myself child free would probably be a very good use of time to turn me back into a happy, less tired mummy!

You don't know this mummy's reasons for doing this.

I think I would be more worried if this were a regular occurrence. And some people don't necessarily have quite the same close bond as others do...

"Have any of you judgy types considered that maybe sending the baby to childminder or nursery as normal is best for the child? Many children like their routine and get terribly unsettled if it's disrupted."

That's a load of bollocks.

By that argument she should take the baby to the CM at weekends too and never take her out for holidays.

I find this thread utterly bizarre.

I have used FT childcare since my first child was 3.5 months old.

But apparently I'm some kind of throwback for thinking that it's not ideal for babies to spend 60 hours a week in childcare, and that the first priority on a rare day off should be spending time with the baby, not "me time" for the mother.

I'm also pregnant and at work while my two children are at the CM.

That doesn't mean I think spending time with them is shit and comes after cutting the grass and going to the hairdresser.

My mother used to talk a lot about how she looked forward to going back to work for a break from looking after my sister and I, and how she "doesn't get on with babies" etc. I thought she was unusual but from reading MN I know she isn't and it makes me sad that so many parents see their children as such a chore that getting away from them is a big priority, even to the the extent that it's considered ok for a parent who works 60 hours a week to still send a very young baby to childcare on their day off. It was always patently obvious to me that my mother didn't enjoy being a mum and that her free time was always a priority. We have practically no relationship now. IMO she can't just turn around now that I'm an adult and can look after myself and decide she wants a relationship after all. I needed a mother when I was young, and she wasn't there for me, so I don't consider her a mother at all.

I actually like being with my DS and while the odd afternoon away from him is great I do really miss him. I don't consider him a chore, I consider him a little person who depends on me, who is great fun and who I have the privilege of seeing growing up day by day.

The mother is working long hours plus caring for a small baby on her own, she deserves a day off.

AThing stop being so obtuse. Sometimes us FT working mothers like to have some time to ourselves. It doesn't mean that we think spending time with our DC is 'shit'

AThing you seem quite keen on my posts but I think you are reading things into them that aren't there. Where have I said spending time with my child is "shit" and comes after other stuff? And since when does routine equal doing the same things 7 days a week?

Being a good parent means making sure the child is looked after, happy and loved. If taking some time to oneself to have a rest or a little "me-time" (hate that phrase but it sums it up enough) means the time spent with the child is quality time where's the harm in that?

cailin really? She's not dossing about for those 60 hrs - she's working. Then goes home to look after her child, being woken who knows how many times, then wakes to repeat the whole cycle again. Alone. I cannot believe the judgemental attitude you have - you'd swear the woman abandoned her child at the local homeless shelter to go on the piss and endulge her coke habit.

And yes, before you ask, my ds is at the cm today whilst I'm at home. I have exams to revise for and I can't do it while he's here. I also don't see him during the day for days at a time because I'm at work. So nice to know that there are people like you out there judging me for it.