Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

[susiemumof]

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

Yes, children don't really matter do they? As long as they don't get in the way then anything you do with them is acceptable

but my post wasn't about a mums working hours, the OP asked if any CMs had encountered parents putting children in childcare when they weren't at work, and my reply said that I had mindees for 10 1/2 hours a day while the dad didn't work at all.

Its just puzzling why some people have children then spend the whole time making arrangements for others to look after them

In one of my jobs (nanny, not childminder) the mum didn't work. I worked the weekend and 3 weekdays and the 2 weekdays I had off the children went to nursery 8am-6pm.

I really don't think the OP is judging. It is possible to feel sad for the baby and understanding of the mum at the same time.

This has got nothing at all to do with womans rights!

I have posted about the mum as she is a single parent, had she been part of a couple and the dad had a day off I would have posted exactly the same thing asking if other childminders had experienced this!!

My op was about a parent still sending her baby to me while she has a day off not about whether she should be working I'm the first place.

Funnily enough I actually NEED parents to be working to use my service (not many people could afford childcare that had no money coming in)

It has everything to do with womens rights and attitudes to women who work and tbh the attitudes on here stink. How dare you judge?

Was that to me cailin? I honestly can't be all doom and gloom about it as I've never seen the effect of something like this on the child (be it negative or positive), if that makes sense? So I can only comment on the effect on the parents.

Wouldn't do it myself though.

oh I'll join in with the bingo. 'Why have children if you don't look after them yourself' TICK

Actually, if she's a single parent I bet she really could do with the break.

I have the odd day off while ds has been in childcare (8-5.30, 5 days a week from 18 weeks if you need to know), and I pack those days with luxurious things like doctor, dentist, optician, haircut, etc etc. It usually starts with something I need to do on a specific day like hospital appointment, then filled with other stuff that had been put off.
No family help/support so all time outside work was/is spent as a family, but the odd day to do stuff saves my sanity

Cailin Some things will be acceptable and some things will seem outrageous to some people. We don't know why the mum in the op had a day off or why she chose to leave the baby with c/m so couldn't say one way or the other. I don't see how you could condemn her without knowing more details. And even then.....?

Maybe she spends a lot of time with the baby up through the night - who knows.
But presumably she is happy that the c/m is taking good care of her baby. So not irresponsible.

FFS it's one day. A well rested, happy parent has got to be a good thing for a baby.

Would it be ok if mum spent the day having her smear test, eyes tested and having a well woman check? Or can we judge if she's getting her roots done, having a new hair cut and shopping for some post-baby body clothes?

Anyone who comes out with shit like "I don't understand why some people have children and then don't want to spend time with them" needs a course in empathy.

No, not directed at you Agnes.

well if she has a 6mth old baby is working 12hr days and probably getting up with the baby at night then she probably needs the day off?! Maybe OP she will drop baby of later or pick her up slightly early, or maybe she will rest or maybe she actually has something important to do but its private and she doesnt want to share the details?

anyway its very kind of you op to be offering reduced rates for when children arent there, but do make sure you arent going to leave youself short, IF you think you can still make enough money then fine but dont put yourself in financial difficulties just to be nice, parents dont expect it, they will probabl see it as a nice bonus but tbh when choosing a childminder i would choose one that i liked and feel comfortable with that kind of thing is a bit of a bonus but wouldnt be why i chose a childminder if that makes sense?

also you say the baby is a new mindee? maybe the mum thinks its best if she sticks to the routine of coming to you and doesnt want to rock the boat etc? just another thought.

but ultimately it doesnt matter, the baby is being cared for and presumably the mum is happy and the baby is too :)

"It has everything to do with womens rights and attitudes to women who work "
No it hasn't Funny. Not this thread.

"god, after 90 years of womens rights, are we seriously still only here?"

I don't remember the bit of feminism that said it was important for parents to send their children to childcare when they are not working

It must have been after the chapter on how boarding schools are liberating for mothers.

A 6 month old baby sees neither parent for pretty much every waking hour 5 days a week.

That's not ideal, but I can see why someone would need to make that choice.

But having made that choice, it seems pretty fucking weird not to take advantage of the few chances you get to spend time with your baby.

Even putting her in for half a day would give you a break to do other stuff.

I know how busy life is working full time with babies/small children. I've been doing it for 4 years.

But "me time" isn't really something I think you should prioritise if your baby never sees you.

That goes for Dads too. Obviously.

Katie we can judge if she's doing something nice for herself. If she's having a smear it's a grey area, but prob safe for a judge too. You can also judge a bit if she's actually working. But you can't judge if shes actually looking after her children herself, after all why have them otherwise?

I remember the bit where feminists tried to liberate women from the shackles of child-rearing. But perhaps I'm just that bit better read?

You can judge Funny. I say good for her!

you can't judge if shes actually looking after her children herself, after all why have them otherwise? < Bull shit.

Do you know not all of us actually enjoy them as babies. With the long hours the lack of sleep ( due to on call and baby) I actually derived no pleasure from DD until she was around 3 years old. Those occasional days I took to myself maintained my mental health I have even more sympathy with this mum now it has been explained that she is a single mum. We all do the best we can at the time and passing judgement before we have walked a mile in someones shoes stinks.

"A 6 month old baby sees neither parent for pretty much every waking hour 5 days a week."

As I said in another post - maybe the baby sees the mother every waking hour during the night. Speculation (as it all is) but they will see plenty of each other if the 6mo is anything like some of mine have been.

Katie the mother basically doesn't see her child from Monday to Friday - I think she's pretty much liberated from the "shackles of child-rearing." But perhaps it's not too much to expect that she would actually want to spend time with her baby?

It's ONE fucking day Cailin

Lizcat - the odd day away from your children is essential, of course. But the mother mentioned spends 60 hours a week away from her child. There's a point a which the child should really start to have some priority.

"the mother basically doesn't see her child from Monday to Friday "

So between picking up and dropping off the next morning where does this mother send her child?