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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Parents sending children to cm while they are on holiday themselves

663 replies

susiemumof · 17/05/2012 12:29

Not looking for a argument or aibu type thread.

Am new to cm and have a 6mo mindee 60 hours per week, mum has a day off next week (which she did not even need to tell me about) but has said she will still send said mindee as she would like a day to herself.

I actually offer a large discount on days when mindees are not with me so can't even put it down to wanting to get her monies worth.

Was just really wondering how common other childminders have found this?

It's obviously no problem for me to have the child and I am loving my new job, it just makes me a bit sad for the baby itswim.

OP posts:
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CailinDana · 17/05/2012 14:09

"The obligation on women to raise children is a shackle." The obligation is on parents to raise children. If people don't want to be parents then the obvious option is not to become parents. The idea that child rearing is somehow nothing more than a hurdle for feminism is really quite bizarre - there is an actual real child involved, it's not just theoretical concept. The child, naturally, wants their parents. To dismiss that in favour of having a day off to get a haircut shows a strange set of priorities IMO.

FunnysInLaJardin · 17/05/2012 14:09

Cailin that explains your attitude. Thankfully we are not all like your mother, so don't assume we are.

KatieMiddleton · 17/05/2012 14:09

It should be an obligation for parents Cailin. The reality is that the obligation falls on mothers. I would like it to be different.

DronesClub · 17/05/2012 14:09

So let's say she has to work to keep a roof over their heads, let's say she had an urgent appointment (medical, legal, job interview, funeral whatever) and she knew she need to deal with that and the aftermath, let's say the baby is a poor sleeper and she is exhausted
This is no more speculation than those suggesting she doesnt like spending time with them
It's no ones business and I can't believe how many are judging her with no knowledge of her life Angry

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 17/05/2012 14:10

Who goes to work for a break? Confused

Must get me one of those jobs.

YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 17/05/2012 14:11

60 hours a week is a lot of time to spend at a CM though, I mean I work ft have done since DCs were babies but I think if I worked that many hours I'd be inclined to keep them at home on a day off.

YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 17/05/2012 14:12

But it's none of my bloody business anyway

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 17/05/2012 14:12

Many FT jobs aren't 37hours a week anymore especially in a recession and she may have a commute on top of that.

AThingInYourLife · 17/05/2012 14:13

"The mother is working long hours plus caring for a small baby on her own, she deserves a day off."

The baby is doing very long hours in childcare and rarely sees her parents.

What does she deserve?

Or as a "shackle" is she even worth consideration?

I was delighted to get back to work after DD1, but once I had made the choice to spend that much time away from her I prioritised spending time with her when I wasn't at work.

Just like her Dad did from the time he went back to work.

Maybe this woman really does need a break more than anything, but it's still sad for the baby that the break means even more time in childcare.

KatieMiddleton · 17/05/2012 14:13

Unless we know differently I think we have to assume that this mother who is taking one day to herself needs that time and that she has weighed up the pros and cons of her personal situation.

One assumes she's a capable adult?

KatieMiddleton · 17/05/2012 14:14

AThingInYourLife can you reference correctly please? Nobody has called the child a shackle.

Thank you.

Yeahthatsnotgonnahappen · 17/05/2012 14:16

Aargh but it doesn't mean more time at the CM - its the same amount off time. And as someone else pointed may mean that she can get stuff done which would otherwise be done on the weekend. If she does it on her day off it might mean that she can have an entire weekend free with her dc.

FunnysInLaJardin · 17/05/2012 14:18

oh dear. some people don't understand the basic tenats of feminism, and that the 'theories' are not just some academic mumbo jumbo. It's not the baby thats the 'shackle' dear it's the concept and widely accepted belief that women and only women do the childcare. That right there is the shackle

SilverMachine · 17/05/2012 14:19

I don't understand how anyone can make the assumption that the mother doesn't like being with her child just because she is taking a few hours to herself. She is a single parent working 60 hours a week, that must be absolutely exhausting. It seems more likely to me that she just needs a break. That hardly makes her a selfish or unfit mother Confused

surroundedbyblondes · 17/05/2012 14:20

We live in Sweden where we are lucky that nurseries are heavily subsidised by the state. However, this means that they make their own rules about attendence. We are not allowed to send our DCs to nursery if one or both parents has a day off. The principle makes sense, but if I want to eg. have quality one on one time with one of our DDs, or get stuck into a non-child-friendly activity at home (diy, big clean, whatever) I can't have the kids there and have to scrape around for other arrangements. I find it a bit unfair personally. I would rather give my kids my full attention for something fun than drag them round the supermarket or similar.

Original poster
susiemumof · 17/05/2012 14:20

Ok sorry for a total drip feed here, I did not feel it was relevant to the op as we had not gone onto the whole "woman's rights" things at that time.

But

Incase it makes any difference now the child is picked up by dad on a Friday night and dropped of by dad on a Monday morning (as in spends all weekend with him)

Apologies again for what is a total drip feed but in my op I was asking for feedback from childminders on how common it was for parents to do this while on a day off.

Now it's a argument about hair dressers/smear tests and shackles the above information may be relevant for whoever wants to carry on!

OP posts:
KatieMiddleton · 17/05/2012 14:21

Still not your business OP.

HTH Wink

FunnysInLaJardin · 17/05/2012 14:23

oh hello susie totally forgot it was your thread Grin and yes still none of your business, and still hope my CM doesn't judge me like that. I need her to be 100% behind me not doing this Hmm about my decisions

AThingInYourLife · 17/05/2012 14:24

Of course it means more time.

Presuming she is an employee, this woman has a set number of AL days per year. They are part of the (not enormous) amount of time she has to spend with her baby.

She's choosing to spend one of them without her baby, thereby reducing the amount of time they spend together and increasing the time at childcare.

Obviously.

People keep saying it's only 1 day. I consider one day out of 25 to be quite a high proportion of days to miss with your baby.

Man or woman.

LowFlyingBirds · 17/05/2012 14:25

" i need her to be 100% behind me"

Dont you just need her to be really good at her job?

FunnysInLaJardin · 17/05/2012 14:28

in order to feel comfortable with her and know that she is not undermining me to my children while she looks after them, I need her to support me 100%.

It would be very easy for the CM to belie the attitude that mummy really ought to be with you today, but she's having her hair done, poor you DC

Juule · 17/05/2012 14:28

Athing do you feel like this just for babies or do you think a parent should take a child out of school for the day if they have a day off work?

Yeahthatsnotgonnahappen · 17/05/2012 14:28

OK I'm going to try and back away from this thread (why did I start to read it in the first place??)

For the posters who have made horribly judgemental comments, can I just say that you've made one real person very upset (and desperately try not to cry). I've been on mumsnet for a long time and never taken a thread to heart but this?

My ds who I love very much is with the CM today and has been the whole week (a total of 50 hrs) because I need to revise. I'm at home though. It makes me so so sad to think my CM thinks badly of me for this.

startail · 17/05/2012 14:29

having absolutely no babysitting I can understand totally why someone might want a day with no work and no DC.

Even as a stay at home mum I used to send DD2 to nursery one day a week.

If you can't just ask Granny to babbysit for a few hours, dentists, doctors, hairdressers, decorating, sorting draws, getting the car serviced, having a quiet pub lunch with DH etc. etc. etc are a nightmare.

Especially with a non sleeping 6 month old because you cant do them in the evening and not all small DC are going to appreciate long weekend trips to DIY stores or the high street. DD1 was great. DD2 was horrid.

handbagCrab · 17/05/2012 14:29

Recently dh had to take a day off work to look after Ds so I could have a minor operation. I probably looked fine but what would I have done with Ds when I went into be operated on if I didn't have dh? This woman (who pays your wages) does not have a dh so...

Oh and currently Ds is at nursery this afternoon whilst I'm at home. I plan to clean the oven and mould kill in the bathroom if it's alright with some of the posters on here? :)