Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

[saltire]

Sorry, this is a bit of rant but i need to get it out of my system. I have just had a lecture from one of my mindees parents about me using "loud and intimidating" voice tones whne talking to his dd!!!!!!

Apparently one of his wifes friends overheard me shouting at the mindee last week, and told the parents. Then later the same day, the mindees Gran had heard me shouting at her. Apparently they don't raise their voice to her because it s
"threatening" "Unco-opertive" "aggressive" etc etc.
Well i did shout at the child, twice, for the following reason

She is a child who goes around in a dream everything takes for ever with her, the 6 minute walk to school takes 20 minutes on the days i have her. Well, on the way to school, which is when the granny heard, we had crossed the road, and X had stopped, in the middle of the road, and was singing and dancing going lalalalalala. I got over the other side, and shouted "X, get off the road", no response, shes still going lalalalala.I had to adandon my 2 ds, double buggy and toddler on roadside and go back into middle of raod to get her.

On the way home from school, again with 2 ds, double buggy and toddler, the rain came on suddenly. We were all standing round in the rain like idiots whilst she's dancing round the trees in the playground, an still going lalalalala. I shouted at her to come on, she did eventually, but i had to aske her three times and then go and grab her hand. I told her that we had all got wet standing around waiting for her.

At this rate i'm the one whos going lala. The dad wasn't pepared to listen to what i had to say and told me that they left thier daughter with me and expected me to treat her the same as i would treat my own. Well if my two were standing in the middle of the road i would shout at them too.
I am really angry, but now i have written it all down i can calm down a bit now, and take deep breaths. Sorry for ranting, i just get so fed up with childminding sometimes

I am Shouting Mummy, hear me roar!

And if that's the most violence they come across, I think that's pretty good going.

Mean Old Mummy - perhaps you could make some friends local to you through Mumsnet?

Nice quiet ones.

No, I'm far too mean

Seriously - I'd love to. But I live in Exeter and there aren't that many!!

That's a real shame. But nice place to live though.

I haven't posted on this yet as it all seemed to get a bit overheated. I come onto the childminder threads to help other minders, take advice for myself, pick up a few tips etc. It amazes me that this one has developed into such a frenzy, and I really hope that it doesn't put parents off using a childminder.

saltire - I also think that the parents undermined you big time. If this had been me posting this, I'd be absolutely gutted at some of these comments. We are encouraged to "work in partnership" with parents - I think most of us probably do, but it has to be a two-way thing. If you have totally differing views about something and no compromise is available, then the relationship is doomed.

I pride myself in being a professional childminder. I often do have lots of children in my care but I am not, as has been stated elsewhere, one of those who takes on as many children as I can just to make money. Most of my school mindees started with me as babies, and it has been a natural progression to be able to continue our relationship through nursery and into school. And then their parents have another baby, and the cycle continues. I'm not going to give notice to some of them just because, every now and again, all of them end up coming on an occasional afternoon after school.

The children know my rules (re. safety, behaviour etc.) and the parents know the rules. The parents have trusted me with their children. They expect me to keep them safe. The parents also expect me to deal with inappropriate behaviour in an acceptable way. It is preferable that we shouldn't "raise our voice" to discipline the children but, my God, if one of my mindees ended up in the road (or any other child from the school for that matter), no matter whose fault it was that they were there, you'd hear me shouting. None of this namby-pamby, "let's-not-be-negative-in-case-child-suffers-psychological-scarring" discussion with the child.

Very well put TP!!

Don't know if its bean mention but I would be more worried about the fact a 4.5 yr old was allowed to dawdle and stand in the middle of a road, and is allowed to do what she wants because she says her mum lets her. Shouting is all fair and well in the right context though. Sorry I don't want to agrivate this but wonder how this happened.

Actually, Helly, I loved your first post here too!! You said what I was thinking (basically saltire was perfectly OK until parents changed their rules, so trashing saltire's safety rules).

Also loved Crunchie's post which reaffirmed that childminders are self-employed, and offer a service which parents can either choose or not choose. If you don't like a particular minder, for whatever reason, don't choose them!

Mutual Admiration Society membership forms available at a later date ...

I was just about to call the Prisoner. But, she is here. Thank goodness.

And eating chocolate as I type.

ssd comments are uncalled for. many nursery nurses may be qualified but we've all seen the tv documentarys havn't we. i know loads of cms who are nvq trained, they have to have insurance, they are inspected the same as schools and nurseries and have to be first aid trained. they can also undergo special needs training, etc etc etc. the training lists are endless and many i know have done lots of training. you can't generalise. you get bad pennies in all walks of life. my comment about working mums meant what it sounded like. NOT all mums have to work and if you really don't have to, DON'T. i know of parents who send kids to cms or nursery just for a break.....for goodness sake!

p.s. i would far rather the occasional shout at my children than smacking them,which I have never had to do. I say shout, not scream

fatcow, are you a namechanger?

not at all. only came on here for first time yesterday.

OMG not again!!!!!!!!!!! Why shouldnt mums work if they want? Last time I checked it took TWO people to make a child. Why should one (merely cos he has a penis) get off scottfree on the childcre front.
And if people choose to send their kids to childcare cos they need a break then thats surely their business and not a problem. Better an unstressed and loving parent most of the tiem than a stressed parent ALL the time.