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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

215 replies

saltire · 23/01/2006 14:24

Sorry, this is a bit of rant but i need to get it out of my system. I have just had a lecture from one of my mindees parents about me using "loud and intimidating" voice tones whne talking to his dd!!!!!!

Apparently one of his wifes friends overheard me shouting at the mindee last week, and told the parents. Then later the same day, the mindees Gran had heard me shouting at her. Apparently they don't raise their voice to her because it s
"threatening" "Unco-opertive" "aggressive" etc etc.
Well i did shout at the child, twice, for the following reason

She is a child who goes around in a dream everything takes for ever with her, the 6 minute walk to school takes 20 minutes on the days i have her. Well, on the way to school, which is when the granny heard, we had crossed the road, and X had stopped, in the middle of the road, and was singing and dancing going lalalalalala. I got over the other side, and shouted "X, get off the road", no response, shes still going lalalalala.I had to adandon my 2 ds, double buggy and toddler on roadside and go back into middle of raod to get her.

On the way home from school, again with 2 ds, double buggy and toddler, the rain came on suddenly. We were all standing round in the rain like idiots whilst she's dancing round the trees in the playground, an still going lalalalala. I shouted at her to come on, she did eventually, but i had to aske her three times and then go and grab her hand. I told her that we had all got wet standing around waiting for her.

At this rate i'm the one whos going lala. The dad wasn't pepared to listen to what i had to say and told me that they left thier daughter with me and expected me to treat her the same as i would treat my own. Well if my two were standing in the middle of the road i would shout at them too.
I am really angry, but now i have written it all down i can calm down a bit now, and take deep breaths. Sorry for ranting, i just get so fed up with childminding sometimes

OP posts:

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crunchie · 25/01/2006 13:52

MOM it might be that your views are like others who perhaps are not on teh boards anymore.

Anyway Well Done Saltire for handing your parents notice. I am a parent and I was gobsmacked that they behaved like this.

On one of the other CM threads it meantioned that remember you are self emplyed and as a childminder you work for yourself, you are NOT an employee. Therefore you are offering a service and these parents are availaing themsleves of the service you offer. Some of the people here seem to be suggesting you should change your ways to suit this family. I disagree

I also think that when a CM has a number of children USUALLY it is fine and there is no problem with that many as we all agree our children behave differently away from home (it is not that we or they know our kids better). My SM doesn't have younger kids so this is not an issue, but sometimes she has about 6 kids aged 4 3/4 - 10.

HappyMumof2 · 25/01/2006 13:58

Message withdrawn

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 14:01

I don't think she should change her ways to suit that family. But changing them because they are not safe/not good practice is a different thing. I wasn't impressed at the idea of someone leaving two kids, a double buggy and a toddler on the side of the road to run out and retrieve a minded four year old. It sounds haphazard and unsafe to me, and I'm not surprised she ended up shouting.

I'm a bit bemused at the suggestion that my views are so like someone else's that another member is "wondering who I am". I don't think my views are particularly extreme or remarkable. I find it a bit unwelcoming and odd, actually. Should I think twice before disagreeing with the more established members then?

HappyMumof2 · 25/01/2006 14:02

Message withdrawn

LadySherlockofLGJ · 25/01/2006 14:03

Should I think twice about asking a perfectly reasonable question ?

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 14:07

No. Of course not. Sorry.

gomez · 25/01/2006 14:09

MoM - I thought I had missed a name change, nothing more, nothing less. I made no comments on your postings at all. Please don't read anything else into it as nothing else was intended.

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 14:12

It's OK, forget it, I'm just being oversensitive. Bad day.

Isyhan · 25/01/2006 14:16

Can I say that whilst on the whole I believe its much more sensible to have a reasoned talk to children without having to raise my voice and thats what I subscribe to with my daughter Im afraid I wouldnt think twice about shouting at the top of my voice if I thought she or any other child may be in danger. My daughter is a real dordler. Better to shout than to be dead I say. If any other parent chose to shout at my daughter to ensure her safety I would thank them.

foxinsocks · 25/01/2006 14:17

meanoldmummy, do you have just one child?

I only wonder because crossing roads became much more of a danger point once I had more than one child and only 2 hands of my own to grab onto them with!

vickiyumyum · 25/01/2006 14:34

isyhan - my feelings entirley. i do not shout at my children on a day to day basis and would be angry if someone else thought that this was acceptable too, but in a situation where the child was in danger or placing other children indanger then imo shouting is then a reasonable action to get someones attention. i'm sure that this is the situation that saltire was in, and that on a general basis she is more than calm and understanding with all of her mindees.
anyway it will soon be someone elses problem to sort out, so i would forget about it and move on, hopefully your next mindee will be more able to fit in with your routines, expectations.

MarsOnLife · 25/01/2006 14:34

"I don't think she should change her ways to suit that family. But changing them because they are not safe/not good practice is a different thing. I wasn't impressed at the idea of someone leaving two kids, a double buggy and a toddler on the side of the road to run out and retrieve a minded four year old. It sounds haphazard and unsafe to me, and I'm not surprised she ended up shouting."

Sorry, had to copy that bit to make sure it said what I thought it said before posting. I'm unclear as to what you thought she should do about the 4 yo in the middle of the road. It sounds completely sensible that she would leave the double buggy and toddler on the side of the road to prevent the 4 yo from being in an accidently and possibly even killed. Also, I wasn't sure if that meant that because the 4 yo was a mindee it was shocking whereas had it been her own child it might not have been. Not sure if my mind is too sleep deprived for discussion today, but it seems a no brainer to me.

MarsOnLife · 25/01/2006 14:35

being in an accident

vickiyumyum · 25/01/2006 14:36

oh and yes i have done this with my own child, crossing the road with a 1 year old in abuggy and the 5 yr old loitering behind, stooping over to pick up a stone, i called him once and then shouted at him. left the buggy on the pavement while i went to get the 5 yr old from the road.

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 14:37

foxinsocks - no, I have a three year old and a 16mth old. Yes, it can be difficult. I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's child at the same time.

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 14:41

Marsonlife - my view is that it isn't practical to take a minded four year old to school with two other little girls, a double buggy and another toddler and expect to be able to cope safely. If I were paying a childminder I wouldn't want those to be her circumstances.

FairyMum · 25/01/2006 14:43

I agree with you MOM. Should we ban it?

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 14:46

OK Fairymum!! Add it to your list of things we want banned!!!

MarsOnLife · 25/01/2006 14:47

Ok, but presumably as a childminder, the childminder is capable of knowing how to control the children in her care safely.

I have 5 children, incl 2 in a double buggy. Sometimes the children bring friends home from school for tea. So should I not allow that any more?

If the children know to respect and listen to the parent/minder that they are with then it shouldn't become an issue really.

Have never had a problem getting the kids to walk home with me, mine or otherwise. Oh... and should a child refuse to come out of the road then yes, I would shout. Rather a quick shout from me than a car smacking them upside the head.

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 14:50

Clearly she doesn't know how to make this particular child behave properly! It's ridiculous to suggest that the four-year-old is at fault for not knowing how to behave. As a professional childminder she shouldn't have ended up in a situation in which the children's safety was conpromised. Which it was.

My mother had six children and took us all out safely too. It really isn't the issue.

MarsOnLife · 25/01/2006 14:52

The child's safety was compromised because the child stopped in the middle of the road and wouldn't come out. The child's safety was assured when saltire took her out of the road.

Your implication was that too many children caused the safety issue, not mine.

Easy · 25/01/2006 14:52

Just to say ...
I don't agree with smacking, and don't smack my own son .......... but.....

One day when he slipped my hand and ran across a busy carpark, nearly getting squished, I did smack him. Because it was a safety issue, because it was necessary to show him that this mattered (and also because I was terrified).

I don't think shouting at this child was OTT. I suspect however that you may have probs with her parents again in the future, if their attitude is as you describe.

I have a suspicion that she won't be with you for long.

carla · 25/01/2006 14:52

Message deleted

MarsOnLife · 25/01/2006 14:54

fret not carla.. about to do the school run.

I think you did the right thing saltire. Also, if the parents are going to undermine you then I think you should let the family go.

Easy · 25/01/2006 14:55

I don't suppose the parents would be happy about you using a wrist strap for her, just for a few days, until she gets the idea?

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