Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

[saltire]

Sorry, this is a bit of rant but i need to get it out of my system. I have just had a lecture from one of my mindees parents about me using "loud and intimidating" voice tones whne talking to his dd!!!!!!

Apparently one of his wifes friends overheard me shouting at the mindee last week, and told the parents. Then later the same day, the mindees Gran had heard me shouting at her. Apparently they don't raise their voice to her because it s
"threatening" "Unco-opertive" "aggressive" etc etc.
Well i did shout at the child, twice, for the following reason

She is a child who goes around in a dream everything takes for ever with her, the 6 minute walk to school takes 20 minutes on the days i have her. Well, on the way to school, which is when the granny heard, we had crossed the road, and X had stopped, in the middle of the road, and was singing and dancing going lalalalalala. I got over the other side, and shouted "X, get off the road", no response, shes still going lalalalala.I had to adandon my 2 ds, double buggy and toddler on roadside and go back into middle of raod to get her.

On the way home from school, again with 2 ds, double buggy and toddler, the rain came on suddenly. We were all standing round in the rain like idiots whilst she's dancing round the trees in the playground, an still going lalalalala. I shouted at her to come on, she did eventually, but i had to aske her three times and then go and grab her hand. I told her that we had all got wet standing around waiting for her.

At this rate i'm the one whos going lala. The dad wasn't pepared to listen to what i had to say and told me that they left thier daughter with me and expected me to treat her the same as i would treat my own. Well if my two were standing in the middle of the road i would shout at them too.
I am really angry, but now i have written it all down i can calm down a bit now, and take deep breaths. Sorry for ranting, i just get so fed up with childminding sometimes

Don't know but i'm registered for 6 under 16 years.

Thanks for your comments, yes ,even the ones telling me i was in the wrong.
It's interesting to see how other childminders look at the situation ( i am assuming that all replies aref rom minders!)
I have probably written it down to sound worse than it was, i didn't just leave the child in the middle of the road, she was holding onto the buggy, then let go "cos shes a big girl" and i could still see her beside me, then we got over the road, and there she was in the middle.
I may come across as a totally irresponsible childmidnder, but i'm not , honestly. I have a few children, most of whom come on a part time basis, i never go over my numbers. The four year old goes to school, so she doesn't count as an under five not sure about in England, but in scotland a child is classed as being "over five" from the day they leave nursery, even if they are still four. I enjoy my job, and for the most part have a good relationship with all my parents. I just felt that in this case the parents have chosen to focus on the fact that i called loudly (not screamed or hollered) to their child twice, not about the fact that she seems to do as she pleases, and because they tell her she's a big girl and doesn't have to hold their hand, then she feels she doesn't need to do it with me.

rummum - found this for you...nothing specific about differences for when outside though.

The maximum numbers of children for whom a childminder may care are as follows:
6 children under 8 years of age;
Of these 6, no more than 3 children may be under 5 years of age;
And of these 3, normally no more than 1 child may be under 1. However, a childminder may be registered to care for 2 children under 1 where they can demonstrate that they can meet and reconcile the varying needs of all the children being cared for.
Exceptions to these ratios can be made for siblings and to provide continuity of care in certain circumstances approved by Ofsted.
Any care provided for children aged 8?14 is not allowed to adversely affect the care provided for children under 8.

Proper arrangements are made so that children are escorted safely to local parks, playgrounds or the equivalent on a regular basis. The childminder ensures the safe control of children whilst out walking.

BTW and I'm really sorry to say this but I think if a childminder has to shout at a mindee she's got too many to look after and is stressed out with them all.

I should know, have packed in minding as it got me stressed and I felt I was starting to take it out on the kids (I don't normally shout either).

I think the OP has to be careful with holding X's hand if parents don't want her to as it seems the gran is a bit of a nosy moo and may report back to the parents if she spots it.

So saying while X is in my care she will hold my hand is fine in theory, if the parents still continue their "big girl" line and the OP is forced to hold X's hand, it could get nasty.

Just my 2 cents

What about a wrist strap for her and your wrist then she can't dordel when crossing the road

I've just found a site about ratio's... [not sure if its in date... do say if its wrong]

child ratio ? childminders are registered to care for up to 3 children of pre-school age and 3 children of school age. This low adult ? child ratio allows for children?s individual needs to be met.

How many children did you have...
6 yours going to school
8 "
2 twins
2 "
4 1/2 year old
3 year old

How is this possible.........

saltire, where were you registered? I'm in Scotland too and I was told 3 under age 5 is my limit and that only changes when the child turns 5, not when they leave nursery?

On the sure start website it says:

Children aged four attending ten early education sessions a week may be classed as children over five years for the purposes of the adult:child
ratio.

I have
my 2 ds aged 8 and 6.
I have twins aged 2 (part time)
i have a toddler age 3 (part time)
and child x, almost 5, goes to school every day.

I am registered in Scotland and was told by my Care Commission officer that for the purposes of registration, when a child leaves nursery/pre school and attends full time school it is classed in the over 5 group, even if said child is still 4.

FWIW saltire i don't think you did anything wrong in this situation.I think the parents were at fault for telling the child she doesn't have to hold hands anymore.As a childminder i know how hard it is to make parents understand that them having 1 child to run round after is very different to looking after 4/5 kids especially when one of them is not doing what they need to eg holding onto buggy and staying safe.

Message withdrawn

In my care, I have to say that the parents I mind for happily accept my rules. We use a buggy, reins, wrist straps ... you name it, I use it. The younger schoolchildren (I have two only-just 5 year olds) will hold the buggy or my hands. It has never occurred to me that I should ask the parents if this is OK. Parents trust me with their children, and their safety is paramount.

saltire - I think you are in a difficult position. If parents decided that their dd no longer needed to hold hands/buggy, then they should have told you straight after Christmas. And then you could have explained that it wouldn't be safe for you to do it that way.

I think that most parents will accept that, sometimes, a childminder may need to do something a little different to the way the parents would do it. I bet that every single one of us childminders who've posted on here will have different rules for different circumstances (not just out walking and crossing roads). I try to ensure that the parents know how I operate, but I am sure that I still surprise them from time to time.

alot of working parents don't have to deal with these everyday problems so how they would react in the same position they can't say.

alot of working parents don't have to deal with these everyday problems so how they would react in the same position they can't say.

She held my hand this morning, after telling me
"my mummy and daddy say that if you talk to me in a threatning way again, they shall find another childminder".
Someone said on this thread that they think the childwinds me up, and i think you've hit the nail on the head, she does, for the simple fact that she doesn't listen. To anything.
Things like "Ok X, we are getting ready to go out in five minutes, here is your coat, can you put it on for me please", and then when every one else is ready, she is still dancing round the living romm singing. I don't allow the older children to play in my son's bedroom, but she goes up stairs and is always touching things, she was in our room plastering make up on her face, she runs water in the bath and puts the bpoys toys in it, If i go out the back garden to the bin she's out the door like arocket, on the swings, and i have to say 5 or 6 times "X the swings are wet, or it's cold or whatever" the whole time she's sititng there singing, and not taking in a word i say,before having to carry her in the house.
I know many of you on here think I'm an irresponsible childminder, who has lost control. That's fine, we are all entitled to our opinion, however we all do things differently, and its different for a parent who only sees their child for an hours or so before tea, and a childminder who has the child during the day.
And before any one comments, I DO have a stairgate on the top and bottom of the stairs, but she just opens it. Telling her not to doesn't work, she still does.

Saltire, I really sympathise with you and think you are in an impossible position. If my child refused to hold his childminders hand & then lingered in the middle of the road, I would be damn glad that he had been shouted at to get out of the road.
At the end of the day, the child's safety is uppermost. I think you should seriously consider whether you want to mind this child anymore because I don't think the parents are supporting you or listening to your concerns. If you decide to keep her, then I think you should put your concerns in writing as soon as possible with suggestions of how you can both work out methods for dealing with this child's behaviour.

If they are stupid enough to say to their child they they will find another minder if you talk in a threatning manner again then imo you deffo need to get rid of the mindee.They will be picking you up on everything now and the mindee will realise all she has to do is tell mummy and daddy and they will get onto you.I really feel for you in this situation and i would be looking for someone to replace her asap!!

The parents undermine your authority by talking to her about you. This is why she doesn't think she needs to listen to you. It's ridiculous.
I do think it sounds like you have a lot of children to look after though. This is why I personally don't use childminders, but that's a different discussion.

hiya hun

sorry you are having a rough time with this little girl.

maybe it is time to call it a day with her. you deserve to be treated better too.

you hit the nail on the head when you said different for a parent who only sees their child for an hours or so before tea, and a childminder who has the child during the day.
I used to work full time and new nothing realy about my kids- but thankfully i had my wake up call nd changed my hours to accomodate my kids too

Saltire

You are really working hard for your money, is it worth it ??

FWIW, I would be delighted if you shouted at my child if he was in the middle of the road.

I always supported my childminder in front of my child, once I disagreed with her but I waited until DS was in bed, rang and arranged to pop down for a chat and it was resolved.

It is that old adage never in front of the children.

And these people obviously have no respect for you, it is only going to get worse.

Hmmm...pretty strange attitude to think that it's normal that working parents know nothing about their children. Is this what childminders think?

SAltire, I completely agree that this girls parents are behaving outrageously.

I am not CM, I am a parent, and I would be very keen to know what safety arrangements any carer of my child put in place, and i would then emphatically ensure that my child co-operated.

CMs do have to deal with more children at any one time than m,ost parents, and I agree that parents need to co-operate with systems in place for that.

But to be honest, I wouldn't be happy with a CM who needed to cross roads with the number you do on your busiest days.

I hope Jillijay, and your comments about 'it's different for parents who only see their children for a few hours...' are specifically referring to an understanding that things need to be done a CM's way if it is to do with safety.

This thread isn't headed 'Childminders Club', and I am a bit askance that you seem to think that parents shouldn't have a view on how you get a gaggle of small kids over the road.

I'd be more annoyed if my childminder didn't yell at DD (4) to get her from the middle of the road!! You did nothing wrong.

Am a parent and agree with lady Sherlock.

The parents imho, are the real problem here.

If you minded my child and you wanted her to hold the buggy on a walk, then she would, and I would support you in that.

If on the other hand I had a problem with you, I would discuss it privately with you - to discuss with the child, or even in front of the child, totally undermines any authority you should have.