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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Just been Lectured to by one of my mindees parents! Need to rant

215 replies

saltire · 23/01/2006 14:24

Sorry, this is a bit of rant but i need to get it out of my system. I have just had a lecture from one of my mindees parents about me using "loud and intimidating" voice tones whne talking to his dd!!!!!!

Apparently one of his wifes friends overheard me shouting at the mindee last week, and told the parents. Then later the same day, the mindees Gran had heard me shouting at her. Apparently they don't raise their voice to her because it s
"threatening" "Unco-opertive" "aggressive" etc etc.
Well i did shout at the child, twice, for the following reason

She is a child who goes around in a dream everything takes for ever with her, the 6 minute walk to school takes 20 minutes on the days i have her. Well, on the way to school, which is when the granny heard, we had crossed the road, and X had stopped, in the middle of the road, and was singing and dancing going lalalalalala. I got over the other side, and shouted "X, get off the road", no response, shes still going lalalalala.I had to adandon my 2 ds, double buggy and toddler on roadside and go back into middle of raod to get her.

On the way home from school, again with 2 ds, double buggy and toddler, the rain came on suddenly. We were all standing round in the rain like idiots whilst she's dancing round the trees in the playground, an still going lalalalala. I shouted at her to come on, she did eventually, but i had to aske her three times and then go and grab her hand. I told her that we had all got wet standing around waiting for her.

At this rate i'm the one whos going lala. The dad wasn't pepared to listen to what i had to say and told me that they left thier daughter with me and expected me to treat her the same as i would treat my own. Well if my two were standing in the middle of the road i would shout at them too.
I am really angry, but now i have written it all down i can calm down a bit now, and take deep breaths. Sorry for ranting, i just get so fed up with childminding sometimes

OP posts:

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ScummyMummy · 25/01/2006 11:06

Sounds like you don't like this kid very much at the moment. So you need to sort something out very fast as that's shite for all of you but especially the child. It's not her fault that her parents are undermining you. I think you need to be proactive, as this is the kind of thing that can fester and leave a nasty taste in everyone's mouth.

You are a good minder, no? So you should be able to rise to this challenge and have a good shot at rebuilding your relationship with this kid and her parents, I'd have thought. I think if you can work out a way to use your skills to mend the situation there could be a great outcome. I think you should use the next two weeks to attempt just that and then reassess the situation. Hopefully things will have improved but if there is no change then admit defeat and ask the parents to find another carer. Good luck!

Bozza · 25/01/2006 11:08

Saltire I would be seriously unimpressed with these parents. You really need to talk to them. My DS has been with a CM since September when he started reception aged 4 and a half. He understands perfectly that she has different rules to me. For instance, next to the school is a playing field and adventure playground area. Also fenced off, is a playground with slide/swings/roundabout. CM lets him play in the field and adventure area but not to go into the playground because it is very busy after school and she can't watch all the children in there (danger of being hit by swing etc). I let him go in there and take DD in with me because I only have the two of them.

She definitely needs to be holding on to the pushchair to cross the road.

hotmama · 25/01/2006 11:11

Just going to put my twopenneth in.

Have you spoken to the parents about the granny shouting?

As the parents are undermining you especially in front of the child I would call their bluff and say that you want them to find another childminder for child X. If they want you to look after child x then they support your view on holding hands etc. TBH I think this child seems to be a bit of a hassle - I actually feel sorry for her as her parents sound like muppets!

batters · 25/01/2006 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vickiyumyum · 25/01/2006 11:45

saltire - i used to be a childminder, but gave it up as i found that i was getting too stressed by other peoples childrens and that it was healthier for me and my child for me to go out to work and see him for a few quality hours a day when i wouldn't be so stressed.

i do agree with most of the posters on here, you don't sound as though you were being unreasonable when you shouted to get her attention, especially as she was stood in the middle of the road.it also sounds like the parents have quite a few issues with childcare. i would ask for a meeting with both of them and explain exactly your feelings on the matter, that you have tried to discipline X in a neutral manner but the conversations that are going on at home are undermining your authority when X is with you, and that unless an agreement is reached that X behaves in a certain way when she is with you, such as holding onto the buggy whenever you are out or holding your hand, then you will have to give them notice to quit as it is endangering the other children that you look after (e.g having to leave them at the side of the road while you go back to get X)

Original poster

saltire · 25/01/2006 12:04

I wasn't aware that i had to title any thread in this section with "Childminders Club". I have today given the parents written notice, and asked them to start trying to find other childcare. They aren't happy, as apparently I was recommended to them, and they are really pleased with the way i mind their child. Secondly, no childminder on here is saying that parents don't know their children, what we are saying that sometimes , when a parent is only seeing their child for a few hours a day (and I am not in any way critcising working mums) and not for the whole day, they can SOMETIMES see a different side to the child than what the childminder sees.
Perhaps to some people i do mind a lot of children, I'm not over my numbers - ever, and don't have all the children every day. One of my neighbours has 7 children, all under 10, and she walks with them to school every day.

OP posts:

Bozza · 25/01/2006 12:08

saltire I see your point about children behaving differently in different circumstances. I know that my two behave differently at their grandparents, for instance. But I don't think it is to do with how many hours a day they see the child.

Hope you feel better now that you have given notice. The parents are obviously very inconsistent in their opinions - sounds like they go in for "act/speak now, think later" !

LadySherlockofLGJ · 25/01/2006 12:10

You gave them notice.

Way to go, well done, you are either in charge or you are not and in this situation you are clearly not as you are being undermined in the home.

Perhaps they will consider the role of CM in a more serious light next time.

ScummyMummy · 25/01/2006 12:11

I think earlier posts were merely pointing out that this is a parenting site and as such is fairly likely to attract the views of parents, saltire. Sorry things have come to giving the child notice.

Blu · 25/01/2006 12:13

The Childminders Club comment was in response to your comment:

jambuttie · 25/01/2006 12:27

well done hun for giving them notice

I too am a parent not a minder and i would also expect my kids to abide by your rules whilst in your care

Bugsy2 · 25/01/2006 12:48

Good for you Saltire. Sounds like the right decision to me. Finding good childcare is hard, so they will probably regret undermining you - but that is their problem - not yours.

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 13:02

I'm afraid I have more sympathy with the parents too. I would be livid if a paid carer shouted at my child, and concerned that it was necessary for them to shout in order to avoid an accident in the road. You describe having to leave two children of your own, a double buggy and a toddler on the side of the road to go and retrieve her. That sound like a recipe for disaster to me and not what I would want for my daughter at all. I think giving them notice was definitely the right course of action. It sounds like a personality clash to me anyway. You described the parents as "not the brightest bulbs" - I found that rather off-putting in a professsional childminder taking care of their child. If I ever left my children with a childminder I would want a rather different attitude and approach. I have a difficult three year old who needs a firm hand, but shouting isn't a feature of his upbringing and I'm very pleased about it.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 25/01/2006 13:10

I am not a childminder, but a parent who wants her son to know the boundaries.

If that means shouting at him in the middle of the road, well so be it.

Saltires minddee was a child who used to hold on until Satire was undermined by the parents without any consultation. If they fail to grasp the fact that childminding and parenting is teamwork then perhaps they are not the sharpest knives in the box.

vickiyumyum · 25/01/2006 13:28

totally agree with you ladysherlock! i feel saltire did her best in teh circumstances, and as an ex childminder and a mum, i personally would not feel aggreived (sorry spelling) in that situation, that my child was shouted at. if she had been shouted at just for dawdling then i probably would have said, i would prefer it dealt with in a different way, but if she stopped in the middle of the road then i too would have called and then shouted if no answer, as any second a car could have come from nowhere and then who knows what else we may be talking about.

if as a parent you send your child to a minder, or indeed any other form of childcare, i think it is important that clear boundaries are met between the two of you as to waht is and isn't acceptable care of your child, this includes methods of discipline and punishment that you do/do not agree with. as saltire said things had been fine until recently when the parents had begun to undermine her authority in fornt of the child.

and fwiw if a child is seen as a big clever girl of almost five i would expect her to be able to cross the road without holding hands and without stopping int eh middle of the road, because she was aware of the dangers of what could happen if she did!

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 13:30

I understand the point. But shouting at a child is not necessary, unless you are in a situation in which it is impractical for you to be supervising a dreamy child crossing a road, as was the case here. I would want better quality care than that for my child, whether I was paying for it or not. Interesting that you mention boundaries. In my house one of the boundaries is that we do not raise our voices in anger. It is a form of violence and is innecessary.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 25/01/2006 13:31

Mean old Mummy are you a newbie or a namechange as a matter of interest ?

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 13:32

No, I've been posting every day since November. Why should my disagreeing with you indicate that I am new/a troll? Strange.

carla · 25/01/2006 13:38

Message deleted

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 13:41

I've just checked, LadySherlock - I first started posting/lurking in December, but have been posting pretty solidly since Christmas. I have posted 1377 messages. So I suppose I am quite new. I don't think it's relevant. My view may differ from others' here but it wasn't offensively expressed.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 25/01/2006 13:43

No that wasn't my point your posts have a style of someone else and I just wondered that is all.

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 13:44

Oh, sorry, I was being defensive!

No, not a long-term member/namechanger. I was called WhenAChildIsBored over Christmas though

gomez · 25/01/2006 13:44

Me too Lady Sherlock - I have been trying to work out for ages now who MoM was/is.

Meanoldmummy · 25/01/2006 13:45

Why??? You're making me paranoid now!

gomez · 25/01/2006 13:46

No don't be be MoM -I thought I had missed a name change somewhere along the lines as you sound familar in some of your postings.

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