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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Leaving a young baby for 10+ hours a day

449 replies

kcj748 · 25/07/2011 12:00

I am about to have my first baby in November and plan to return to work full time four or five months later. I am incredibly nervous about leaving my baby at this age for such a long amount of time. I don't have the option of working part time so this will be five days a week for at least ten hours a day. My husband works even longer hours. A family member could possibly help out one day a week but we would mostly have to do childcare. My salary will only just cover a full time nanny but I love my job and really wouldn't want to have to let it go. Ideally we would be leaving our baby with a childminder but I have no idea at what age this is realistic and am terribly nervous about leaving my baby at someone else's house and with someone won't be able to give him exclusive attention.

Is it completely insane to think any of this will be possible? Does anyone have any advice about childminders/nurseries and other possible options?

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anewyear · 25/07/2011 13:44

Hi Im a childminder, my very 1st mindee was 7mths, when came to me.
He had 1 to 1 most of the day until after school, when another mindee and my own 2 boys came home.
My 2 boys, loved him like a brother, when his family were relocated we were all heartbroken.
I know several minders in the village who have minded much younger.

Do what you think is right for you, dont let what others think, push you into anything else.
Just my opinion.

anewyear · 25/07/2011 13:47

Oh and I had himfrom 9 - 5.
Monday - Friday.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 25/07/2011 13:47

Grin @ SGB

thermosflask · 25/07/2011 13:49

If all your babies could talk at 5 months, do you think they would all say "Mummy, I want you to go away all day, every day, and leave me with a complete stranger for all that time"?

You can all criticise me as much as you want but I bet if your babies could talk they would ALL agree with me.

harrietthespook · 25/07/2011 13:50

Springchicken. Do you have examples of this in mind? Not querying you but I would be fascinated to hear more about this theory.

harrietthespook · 25/07/2011 13:53

"Mummy I like it when you're stressed about whether you can pay the rent/mortgage and buy us food. It's so much fun to be around you then. I feel really relaxed and happy too."

teacherwith2kids · 25/07/2011 13:53

Thermos,

You are being silly now. A loved and familiar caregiver, such as a childminder or known key worker at nursery or nanny, is not 'a complete stranger'.

In fact, in the case of the family I know who does have a 13 hour a day nanny, it is the parents who are complete strangers and therein lies the problem, not with the childcare - the nanny herself is loved, stable (been with the family 5 years) and an extremely positive influence.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 25/07/2011 13:54

times like this that we need the roll-eyes emoticon Wink

eurochick · 25/07/2011 13:55

10hrs a day is a fairly standard time to be in childcare of some form if both parents work full time. Plenty of my friends have put their kids in full time childcare from the ages of between 5 months and a year and all are turning out perfectly well-adjusted so far. Ignore Ms judgeypants up there and do what is right for you and your family.

rainbowinthesky · 25/07/2011 13:55

thermos - dd and ds woudl both like to watch tv all day and eat only chocolate. Shoudl I let them??

FourThousandHoles · 25/07/2011 13:57

left with a complete stranger?

yes thermosflask that's right, I just drag the first reasonably clean person I see in from the street and get them to look after my pfb, a different one every day.

my daughter was loved by those that cared for her whilst I was at work

thinking that someone other than a parent caring for a child is inherently damaging just because Sue Whatserface said so in a book is just as bonkers as only feeding a newborn every four hours because said so in a book

thermosflask · 25/07/2011 13:59

Over time the nanny becomes less of a stranger to the baby, but not during the initial time of being left with her. And it is during that time that the damage is done to the baby. A baby needs and wants to be with his/her mother the majority of the time. There is way anyone could persuade me otherwise.

rainbowinthesky · 25/07/2011 13:59

Can I ask what this "damage" is.

StillSquiffy · 25/07/2011 14:00

When are we allowed to get really patronising, do you think? Does it take 10 ridiculous statements from SHE WHO KNOWS BEST, or should we be generous, and allow 20?

rainbowinthesky · 25/07/2011 14:00

So you've read a book that has convinced you of this arguement. Surely you could simply read another book and it could convince you a different way.

thermosflask · 25/07/2011 14:02

As I have already said the damage done will only show itself once the child is a lot older.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/07/2011 14:02

Please don't blame the book because someone has misunderstood it!

fraktious · 25/07/2011 14:02

I've also read said book and the interpretati

rainbowinthesky · 25/07/2011 14:03

What damage is this and at what age?

fraktious · 25/07/2011 14:05

I've also read said book and the interpretation here is rather skewed IMO.

A good handover with a carer will ease the transition - happily the familiarisation process in small children is relatively rapid.

sophe29 · 25/07/2011 14:07

OP - I would wait until you get through the first few weeks and see how you feel (although act as though you ARE going back to work - its never good to fine last minute child care)
Thermo - You have a very black and white view here. I can see your point but I don't think it is a easy as you suggest to just not leave the baby. There are other factors that come into play that make up the family unit as a whole.

harrietthespook · 25/07/2011 14:08

"The damage will only be shown later" she says ominously. At which time it will be really easy to conclude when a child has problem that the ONE THING that made the difference was that four wk settling in period with the nanny.

There is no greater evil, I tell you.

My motehr was at home until I was 12 and guess what? Bless her - her money fears caused lasting damage for me to the extent that it kind of rules my life now. She should have gone back to work long before then if she was this upset about it.

StillSquiffy · 25/07/2011 14:14

We're all doomed, I tell ya. One minute all those happy adjusted and content kids of ours are going to turn into Midwitch Cuckoos and destroy the Earth....

And all we'll be able to do, as we are beaten to death by our ferral urchins, is to despair that we never listened to SHE WHO KNOWS BEST.

KatieMiddleton · 25/07/2011 14:15

Why not split the leave with your husband now the rules have changed? With a bit of clever planning using your annual leave entitlements you may be able to take off longer than you think.

Btw I was desperate to go back to work when DS was 3mo. I was bored witless. But he got more interesting at about 5/6mo and as it happens I didn't go back to work at all (redundancy).

If we had another I'd seriously consider going back at 3 months and leaving baby with dh or a nanny. But I might feel completely different then so who knows?

Do what's right for your family. It's all we can do.

Henrythehappyhelicopter · 25/07/2011 14:18

My DDs had a nanny when they were 2 and four years old. I think of all the childcare options a nanny is the best choice.

The nanny was part of our family and they came to love her as much as their parents. If you are jealous this is not a good thing.

As far as we were concerned this was a three parent household and 25 years later they are still in touch with her.

When my DS was born I became a SAHM, although I gave up a very well paid up job it was the best option, sadly not one that was possible when my DDs were young. I had planned to go back to work but just could not do it when it came to it.