Leaving a young baby for 10+ hours a day

[kcj748]

I am about to have my first baby in November and plan to return to work full time four or five months later. I am incredibly nervous about leaving my baby at this age for such a long amount of time. I don't have the option of working part time so this will be five days a week for at least ten hours a day. My husband works even longer hours. A family member could possibly help out one day a week but we would mostly have to do childcare. My salary will only just cover a full time nanny but I love my job and really wouldn't want to have to let it go. Ideally we would be leaving our baby with a childminder but I have no idea at what age this is realistic and am terribly nervous about leaving my baby at someone else's house and with someone won't be able to give him exclusive attention.

Is it completely insane to think any of this will be possible? Does anyone have any advice about childminders/nurseries and other possible options?

Amyboo, why did you have him?

Thermos, your audacity appears to know no bounds. What a fucking rude thing to say to amyboo.

Now, since you are still hammering on with your drivel, could you at least put forward some scientific evidence which supports your claim that childcare damages children?

Thermos, do you really really think that staying at home makes you a better mum than us? Because that's how you come across with your nasty patronising (and shockingly ill-informed) views.

"why have kids, then?" - you really are dragging your knuckles on the ground with that one.

So, how do you rate your parenting skills, out of 10? Because I reckon you must have serious issues of your own to be so vitriolic. Or are you mummy perfect? Do tell us.

thermos you are bang out of order.

thermos - you have the audacity to feel sorry for the children of working mothers yet.......

What do you (thermos) do with your children all day? How could you even consider sending them to school?

Of course it isn't cruel to take the children away from the nannies/CMs with whom they've bonded - children are capable of forming bonds with more than two people, you know. Ask any grandparent and they'll confirm that to you.

In the 2 hours that I'm up with the boys before our nanny arrives I cuddle them, teach them how to do chores (DS1 loves to throw clothes into the washing machine and press the flashing button to start it; DS2 loves to come into the garden with me to hang up the washing to dry), change DS2's nappy, get them dressed, read them books, umpire their squabbles (DS2 is too little to understand why DS2 gets cross when toys are snatched away), give them breakfast, have more cuddles, talk to them, sometimes even bake with them if I'm making fresh bread that day.

To be entirely honest, I would sometimes prefer it if they would sleep in a little later than 6. But they don't, and overall I'd much rather have the time with them in the morning than an extra hour in bed.

thermos surely a strong bond between a child and a primary carer is a good thing, not a bad thing! Cruel to take them away at the weekend? Do you henestly think a child is only capable of loving and bonding with one person at a time? What about homes with a grandparent or older sibling who looks after the child as well as the parents- is the child incapable of loving them too, or just the parent?

That's 31 hours without your DCs, do you worry they'll bond better with their teachers than you?
Also if DH pays bills you are not financially independent are you?

Because I wanted a family ffs! Why does anyone have children? I am the main earner (by a long, long way) in our house - I work 90% time and DH stays home one day a week. DS (now 16 months) is a very happy, friendly little boy - most mornings when I drop him at creche he runs off to play with his friends. As I said, statutory maternity leave in Belgium is only 18 weeks, so it's eiter go back to work or give up work when they're 5 months old. I don't have the luxury of being able to afford to give up work and besides, I like my job. If I felt that being in creche was harming my DS we'd of course find another solution, but he's happy, I'm happy and DH is happy. When we have another child I will most likely drop one day a week as well, as DS will also be starting school.

What makes you think you're such a perfect mother anyway, just because you cose to give up your job?

I'm willing to answer Thermo's question to Amyboo.

I had my children to bring new people into the world who will eventually become productive, kind, thoughful adults. Not to fulfil some yearning need in me, and not to have babies.

Is it OK to leave a baby with GPs? Or fathers? Or aunties? Or is it only a mother that will do?

amyboo,fortunately most people arent so rude as thermos.but encountering the why have them if leave them with strangers and precious moments mamas are a bit of a rite of passage. you meet them from time to time,smile sweetly and they are best ignored

Yes, to be totally blunt, I do think a mother who stays at home whist her children are very young is a better mother by definition. The mother who's at work all day is not actually being a mother for 50 hours a week. So how can she be a good mother if she's not even there?

You lot all strike me more as incubators rather than mothers.

And on that note I shall leave this crazy thread where it is deemed acceptable for a mother to abandon her 12 week old baby for 50 hours a week.

Another ridiculous statement. I don't stop being a mother while I'm at work. On any level.

Do you think fathers stop being fathers while they're at work?

Ha! Oh yes , I'm very experienced with the smile and nod tactic.... I don't care what anyone else thinks anyway. My boy is happy and I'm happy. My Mum gave up work when we were kids and suffered really badly with depression. She often says that she wold have liked some more balance in her life and had the chance to go back to work when we were younger, as she found it quite suffocating being at home all day with three small kids...

I wouldn't leave my baby to go to work 10+ hours a day, I always knew that when I had babies my so called career would go on the back burner till they were old enough. When they were born I wanted to be there for them 24/7 and luckily for me I was able to be.
BUT that's just me and my situation. I wouldn't judge anyone who wants or has to return to work full time. Motherhood is enough of a guilt trip FFS without us all making each other feel bad for working and trying to support our dc financially.
I would say though OP, wait until the baby is born. You might be surprised at how much it changes your opinion on things.

i have met a few like you with your strident views thermos,and you will have convinced yourself of the efficacy of your views and no doubt found some research with poor methodology to substantiate your beliefs too

you and your family undoubtedly benefit from the women that do work. they work in service industries, serve you your coffee, return to publc sector to maintain service and skills level, and teach your children.

next time you get a gp appt it might be a working mum gp, or the call centre at the bank, the retail trip.you see working women make a valuable contribution

if you have daughter will you encourage her to not work also. to live as you have done?what will you do if she works

rainbow in the sky: think I know where you're going with your comment.

I really think it's time people stopped engaging with this person.

'You lot'? Have you read any of my posts? I'm a nanny, not a parent, I came in from a childcarer's point of view and am certainly no incubator, I find that incredibly offensive even though its not aimed at me!

Are you no longer a parent when indulging in your 'hobbies'? Is your DH no longer a father when at work? What if you go out for a meal together and use a babysitter, do your children cease to exist for a few hours? Apparently earning money to pay rent etc and secure your child's future means you revoke the right to call yourself a parent... what terrible parenting, daring to provide a roof over your child's head and pay for their food and clothing.

I guess by that definition the children of single parents who have to work must be doomed! And the children of extended families who are cared for and have to bond with many different family members must be emotional wrecks, time bombs waiting to go off at some undefined point in the future.

What about fathers? Why do they have children if many of them go back just days after having a child?

Oh thermos you are ridiculous! At least our children won't be brought up by a narrow minded judgemental excuse for a mother.

thermos is your partner absent distant dad as he works too?
is he the interloper who shows up at weekend to startle the children?presumably he works hard to maintain you, and family and the broadband

"startle the children" lol

Funnily enough, I've done both the returning to work when Ds was 17 weeks old and SAHM to him at 8.4yrs and Dd from when she was born as I took a career break. I'm now being pushed back to work by a man no less. His name? David. David Cameron.