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Original poster

Nanny at funeral... is this holiday?

149 replies

bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 20:39

Our nanny's great grandmother has passed away this week and the funeral will be held on Monday, which is a day we really need her to be here... so it's cost us £30 for afterschool for both kids...
I don't want to be totally heartless here, but should I mark this day as holiday? We are struggling as it is to fund her, and the extra cost of afterschool is something we only factored in during her holidays, which we agreed to get 4 weeks notice for.

Comments? Experiences? Anything appreciated.

A. x

OP posts:
pinkbasket · 23/09/2010 20:41

I have worked for a lot of families and not one of them would have expected me to take it as holiday. Actually, one would have but the family I shared them with would have put them straight.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/09/2010 20:42

hmm what does the contract say?

You might be kinder to offer it as Special Leave and not take it from holiday

I appreciate that it's costing you though

amberleaf · 23/09/2010 20:43

I dont think you should put it down as holiday.

Have a heart.

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/09/2010 20:43

It should be counted as compassionate leave, and therefore not taken out of her holiday allowance. I can't believe you would think otherwise.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 23/09/2010 20:44

Compassionate leave. That's what I would imagine it should be?

HRHPrincessReality · 23/09/2010 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeChatRouge · 23/09/2010 20:45

Sorry Bonita, I think you just need to give her the day off as 'compassionate leave' not holiday.

nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 20:46

I think you are being heartless. Its not Nanny's fault you are struggling to "fund" her.

Sukie1971 · 23/09/2010 20:47

Compassionate Leave. Though it sounds as if you have little compassion ....

Haliborange · 23/09/2010 20:48

Well, it's really a matter for you.
I think many employers would consider it compassionate leave and probably pay her, but I know some for whom it would be unpaid leave (i.e. if you wanted to be paid you'd take it as holiday). Others would not offer compassionate leave on the death of someone other than an immediate family member (so again she'd be taking holiday to get the time off).

There's a whole range out there, but of course you have to have a close working relationship with your nanny so the kindest approach is a good idea in this case.

Her biggest worry will be that you won't want her to go. If your worry is the cost, tell her of course she can go but that you can't afford to pay her the lot unless she takes it as holiday. Could you pay her half as a goodwill gesture?

PavlovtheCat · 23/09/2010 20:48

compassionate leave.

out of curiosity, what do you do for cover if she is sick?

LisaD1 · 23/09/2010 20:50

OMG! Are you serious Bonita? I appreciate how it may be a struggle to fund her but honestly, do you not think you can put her feelings first over £30!

I recently lost my nan and would have been furious if anyone had mentioned money to me at that point! (I'm not a nanny btw)

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/09/2010 20:51

You're kidding, Haliborange? The nanny should be able to go a funeral of someone in her family without worrying about whether her employer wants her to work or not!

bonita - you are an employer and therefore these are things that you should have agreed in your contract with your nanny.

It isn't your nanny's fault if you're struggling to pay her. If you can't afford to pay for the extra childcare costs for one day, then you/your partner will have to take the day off.

pinkbasket · 23/09/2010 20:51

TBH if you are struggling to find another £30 can you even afford a nanny?

HowsTheSerenity · 23/09/2010 20:52

Wow. Would your boss expect you to take unpaid or annual leave to attend a funeral?
I think a lot of people forget that nannies are regular employess like they are. Same entitlements, same treatment.

Original poster
bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 20:53

Our contract states nothing about compassionate leave. Our contract does state, though, that any days off sick are unpaid unless she preferred to take these as holidays until SSP kicked in... and we wrote the contract together sitting at my kitchen table. We do have a good relationship, so I will discuss it with her, but as this is our first nanny and her first nannying job, I was hoping to find out what the "norm" was...

Thanks for the fire up my backside...

OP posts:
pinkbasket · 23/09/2010 20:54

I am sure that most nannies and employers don't discuss what should happen in the case of a family death. This isn't about what is the "norm," it is about doing the decent thing by someone who is bereaved.

defyingravity · 23/09/2010 20:56

Wherever I have worked I would have been expected to take it as holiday or unpaid leave but I am not a nanny, I just work in an office.

HowsTheSerenity · 23/09/2010 20:56

Really? Most nannies do not have that in their contract? I do. I think I was a civil servant for too long then Blush

Original poster
bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 20:57

I don't work... I'm at uni on a course which requires 100% attendance... if we miss a lecture, we are expected to attend on a Saturday session...

DH is working in Germany... he can't really fly home to do school run...

And regarding our finances and being able to afford a nanny, I don't think this is for anyone else to decide but us... The only reason it's an issue now is b/c we are having a new boiler put in, which has cost us a considerable sum and we must budget appropriately, thankyouverymuch.

OP posts:
nearlytoolate · 23/09/2010 20:58

Actually yes, many employers (including my own, which is public sector so generally has good generous leave arrangements) restrict compassionate leave to immediate family - which wouldn't even count your partners parents for example. So you'd have to take annual leave to attend a funeral. And I suspect your leave request could be denied if necessary.
But in this case, where the relationship is much less formal, i think it much wiser to give this as compassionate paid leave.

fluffles · 23/09/2010 20:58

my employer (big public sector) would have me take it out of holiday or unpaid special leave, only parents and spouses and children's funerals are paid special leave. even when a colleague died i had to take flexi time to go to the funeral Sad

MoonUnitAlpha · 23/09/2010 20:58

Think you need to consider whether it's worth your nanny thinking you are not very nice people for the sake of £30.

Blu · 23/09/2010 21:00

Compassionate leave.

And her inexperience shows in her acceptance of a contract which allows no sick pay.

nearlytoolate · 23/09/2010 21:03

I think its actually quite usual for a nanny contract not to pay more than statutory sick pay.

And I think as others have said, many if not most or all employers in private/public sector would expect this funeral to be taken out of holiday. But I think its much more awkward to enforce that when you are making your own rules and can show discretion.