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Original poster

Nanny at funeral... is this holiday?

149 replies

bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 20:39

Our nanny's great grandmother has passed away this week and the funeral will be held on Monday, which is a day we really need her to be here... so it's cost us £30 for afterschool for both kids...
I don't want to be totally heartless here, but should I mark this day as holiday? We are struggling as it is to fund her, and the extra cost of afterschool is something we only factored in during her holidays, which we agreed to get 4 weeks notice for.

Comments? Experiences? Anything appreciated.

A. x

OP posts:
WillbeanChariot · 24/09/2010 08:10

I wouldn't expect this as compassionate leave. My boss would def make me take holiday. But i'm :-o at no sick pay.

Why not negotiate with her so she can go and still get paid, but make up the time on a saturday. That way you can miss uni and look after the children, and she will look after them while you go to the weekend catch up session. Saves you £30. Job done.

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 08:10

'The whole point of employing a nanny, for me, was to have pretty much bomb proof childcare when they were little. I don't think I'd have lasted five minutes if I had said "oooh, NATO bombing Serbia? Sorry, fraid I can't come in today. My nanny's gone to her great granny's funeral."

Good gracious-have you read 'Journey to Jo'burg' by Beverley Naidoo? I have read this to a class of DCs and almost cried and we have discussed the heartlessness of the employer! Children travel to Jo'burg to find their mother and tell her that their young sister is ill. The mother is a nanny to a white family. It is inconvenient for her to go so she has to stay until the employer can ,grudgingly, let her go with the words 'if you are not back in your job in a week you are fired'!!
If you have a nanny and they are bombing Serbia, you make a different child care arrangement!
Your nanny is a human being,if you are going to be a stickler and hold her to precise rules e.g. a sibling is close but a great granny isn't-then don't expect her to be flexible and considerate in your hour of need.
You can't quantify a person's relationship. I expect my fist husbands mother wouldn't be allowable, despite the fact that she is as close as a mother to me.
You are not a big company-this woman, as someone has already said, has crossed the boundries to family-treat her like one.
As an emplyer I will go the extra mile for the employer who treats me as a friend but the one who expects me to be machine like will get the bare minumum-is that what you want for your DCs? I wouldn't. It isn't just a job-she is mothering your DCs.

ginhag · 24/09/2010 08:11

No worries rockbird... :)

I would also say that in my own case there is no 'princess di' type thing going on. It's simply what we would do as a company, there would be no extreme emotional reaction on our part, we'd just give the day off for the funeral. No vicarious sobbing or huge bunches of flowers lining the streets....

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 08:12

Sorry-treats me as a human being-not a friend.

Tootlesmummy · 24/09/2010 08:21

We don't know if the nanny has a particularly close relationship with her great granny so I don't think it should be hard and fast rule that they have to be immediate family etc.

I think as it's a nanny I would expect a bit more compassion especially as she isn't paid for sick leave!

I work for a large company and they would give me a day off for a great granny, and have done for a friend, DH's auntie etc.

RamblingRosa · 24/09/2010 08:21

Does a relative's funeral sound like a holiday Hmm? It doesn't to me. It sounds like a very sad occasion for which any right minded person would give her a day's compassionate leave and make alternative childcare arrangements.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/09/2010 08:25

MrsS it seems a big jump from a week full pay for a sibling/parent and bugger all for a slightly more distant relative. Surely you could spare an afternoon for a funeral on compassionate leave? For £30? It's not as though the OP can't go to work that day, it's just a one off extra fee for an after-school club or whatever.

i TOTALLY agree with the above - and as i said in my earlier posts the op is DEF not happy and begrudges the fact her nanny is paid for 30hrs but only works 15 - but that is the op choice to give her time off

i suggest again that you give the day off,pay the £30 to after school care and then ask the nanny to bs/make the time up

the difference with a funeral is that it is planned and you know about it and can make other childcare arrangements

what would happen if your nanny had severe S&D, got run over (happened to my friend) and you had about an hour to find childcare

if your boiler hadnt gone wrong, would you be so mean about giving your nanny who looks after your most precious irreplaceable in the whole world children, the day off paid

MadameCastafiore · 24/09/2010 08:34

Bloody hell this is a bit more about compassion for another human being - her grandmother has died FGS!

trixymalixy · 24/09/2010 08:42

Compassionate leave definitely. My contract states comp leave only for immediate family, but my boss has allowed me compassionate leave for my dh's grandfather and a close family friend because he us a compassionate person and the type of boss who is flexible as long as you work hard.

Rockbird · 24/09/2010 08:43

Phew, thank goodness for this morning's posters, I was beginning to fear for the human race!

No we don't know what her relationship is. She might have met the woman once as a baby, but that's what you have to find out. You can't make assumptions based on your own experiences.

And as for 'bomb proof childcare' Hmm, you only get that with machines, sorry. While you are forced to employ mere human beings with all their annoying relatives and being hit by buses and unexpected illnesses and goodness knows what else, then I'm afraid you'll have to get by with hoping for the best like the rest of us.

LadyBiscuit · 24/09/2010 08:48

I'm don't understand what bombing Serbia has to do with anything. I thought the OP was a student? Or have things changed since I was at university?

pagwatch · 24/09/2010 08:51

In every job I ever had I would have given my staff a days compassionate leave. That includes my teams at work and my nannys.

I tend to operate from the position that you should try and treat staff as you would expect to be treated. And if I lost a member of my imediate family and needed to go to the funeral , either because of my own emotional connection or to support my imediate family with that imediate family loss, then I would think any employer who acted otherwise was incredibly self absorbed.

When DH and I hired a nanny we did so with the full knowledge that there is no such thing as bomb proof childcare. To suggest there is is phenomenally dense. To be bloody obvious about it what if the nanny had died, or both her parents, or she got hit by a car on the way to work - instead of ancient granny type dying. It does happen.

The bombing can go on as long as it needs to but if nanny has snuffed it you are still going to have to figure something out. It is the way of children.

And to cope with those scanrios you need a team of people who care about you and want to help. You don't get that by questioning compassionate leave.

RamblingRosa · 24/09/2010 08:51

Precisely Rockbird. And even if she did only meet the woman once as a child it may well be that her mother or father or grandparents are absolutely devastated by the greatgrandmother's death and she might well want to be there to support them. I've been to plenty of funerals where I wasn't particularly close to the person but I went to support my mum or dad.

I think that any employer, whether we're talking about a big company like Asda or an individual employing a nanny, needs to factor in to their budgets for unexpected leave/illness/preganancy etc. You're less likely to feel irritated or aggrieved by it if it's something you budgeted for in the first place and you just accept that these things happen.

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 08:54

I agree-anyone who thinks they have bomb proof childcare is deluded. All it takes to derail it is a sickness bug! Anyone has to have alternative, emergency cover to call on. NATO may be bombing Serbia but it is quite possible that the nanny is rushed to hospital with appendicitis.
I was typing at such speed earlier that it was full of mistakes-obviously I meant as an employee I would go the extra mile for a considerate employer-if they treat me like a machine then I will act like a machine!

nannynick · 24/09/2010 08:54

Would it be different if the OP was in the USA? Just wondering as the OP is American, so will have been brought up in US culture. Does that make any difference to this kind of thing?

Casserole · 24/09/2010 08:55

Am Shock at this thread and some of the responses.

It's going to cost you £30.
It's a funeral.
It's really not her fault or problem that you need a new boiler.
It's also not her fault that you seem to be unhappy with the contract you wrote.

FWIW, I've worked in various public and private sector companies and not ONCE have I ever been required to use annual or unpaid leave for a funeral.

If you begrudge it so much get her to make up the hours another day.

FFS I'm tempted to send you the £30 myself so the poor cow can go without a fuss.

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 09:00

Bombing Serbia comes from MrsSchadenfreude,LadyBiscuit. Her job is important and trivialities such as the feelings and circumstances of the nanny cannot be allowed to impinge. She has a nanny so that she is certain of childcare-unfortunately nannys are human and can upset the best laid plans with the inconvenience of illness, family dying etc (how dare she!!)

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 09:01

Sorry-how dare the nanny be inconvenient-it isn't what she is paid for!

RamblingRosa · 24/09/2010 09:02

Good point Casserole. I'll go halves with you. Where shall we send the cheque?

LadyBiscuit · 24/09/2010 09:18

Thank you pisces - was very confused there :o

Bomb-proof childcare is a nursery surely? If you rely on a nanny then that's one person and is therefore less reliable than a whole load of them who can cover if one of them is ill or has the temerity to have a relative who pops her clogs.

Having said that, my CM hasn't had a day off sick in the 2 1/2 years my DS has been going to her.

frakkinnakkered · 24/09/2010 09:20

FWIW in France she would be legally entitled to a paid day off but there's no legislation for that in the UK.

Those with compassionate employers, you are lucky. There is no right to paid time off for funerals at all (only emergencies are specified for dependants) and the vast majority of employers have a policy which says the employee can take unpaid leave.

That said if if means that much to you and you really can't afford to day (which is possible but I'd be really sorry for your nanny) you can't be faulted for the contract, as unhappy as it will make your nanny, so I'd strongly advise you to do as I said earlier and suggest a compromise.

If she volunteers to take it as holiday then it's different. I would have volunteered to take my grandfather's funeral as holiday or unpaid leave but my employer beat me to it by saying I'd be paid anyway.

Lauriefairycake · 24/09/2010 09:26

Most employers would expect the day to be taken unpaid surely - dh is a teacher and unless me, parents or siblings died he would be unpaid. As everyone else is not a close enough relative. This is normal in the county councils terms and conditions. It isn't a case of individual cases saying "oh my great granny was like a mum to me" - the 'close relative' part is actually defined as parents, sibblings, spouse and children.

Actually his particular employer would tell him he isn't allowed to take the day off Hmm

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/09/2010 09:38

I would have got the day off for this at my last employer, and if I had a nanny I would give her this time off as compassionate leave.

OP - it sounds an odd contract, with no sick pay and her only working half the hours she is contracted to. Surely you would be better off getting a CM to do school drop-offs and pick up?

lancaster · 24/09/2010 09:40

IN response to what others have said, I work for the NHS and have been granted compassionate leave in a similar situation. It may not be in my contract, but most managers would act with discretion and kindness.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/09/2010 09:41

pagwatch - you are, as ever, a voice of sanity in the madness Grin

The fact that the OP is American does shed some light, aren't most people in their first job in the States only entitled to public holidays off or something dreadful like that? I know American friends of ours were amazed when I had 4 weeks plus bank holidays straight out of university.