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Original poster

Nanny at funeral... is this holiday?

149 replies

bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 20:39

Our nanny's great grandmother has passed away this week and the funeral will be held on Monday, which is a day we really need her to be here... so it's cost us £30 for afterschool for both kids...
I don't want to be totally heartless here, but should I mark this day as holiday? We are struggling as it is to fund her, and the extra cost of afterschool is something we only factored in during her holidays, which we agreed to get 4 weeks notice for.

Comments? Experiences? Anything appreciated.

A. x

OP posts:
blueberrysmoothie · 23/09/2010 21:04

In my workplace I would be expected to take holiday for a funeral of someone outside of immediate family. However, I would give my nanny compassionate leave on full pay. It is different from an office job; she looks after our children and provides them with love and stability while we work. Yes, it is expensive, but surely you can cut back on a few things to make up the £30. I think your support in a situation like this would mean a lot to her.

ZeroZeroOne · 23/09/2010 21:05

It depends on what kind of employer you want to be. Yes it will cost you and yes strictly you could make her take it as leave or as unpaid. However, there might come a day when you just need a little bit of goodwill coming in your direction and she might think back to how you reacted when she told you she was off to a family funeral....

I am afraid I think you seem a little mean spirited and tight fisted over this. It is inconvenient to you but for her it's an important and upsetting occasion. Show the poor woman a little kindness is my view.

rubyslippers · 23/09/2010 21:05

Am slightly agog about her contract and the compassionate leave

I employ a nanny and wouldn't dream of marking it as holiday

Or expecting her to take sick days as "holiday"

I think a rule of thumb for being a nanny employer is to treat her, as you would like to be treated

saltyseadog · 23/09/2010 21:06

Compassionate leave - without a doubt.

Longtalljosie · 23/09/2010 21:08

I was given compassionate leave for my great-uncle's funeral last year.

If she's worth hanging on to, you'll pay the £30. The moment she thinks you're arseholes, she'll start scanning the job ads.

MollieO · 23/09/2010 21:10

Close relative = compassionate leave.

OP if you are struggling with the decision why don't you base it on what your dh's employer would permit for the death of a close relative. I would be amazed if he was required to take half or whole unpaid leave.

LadyintheRadiator · 23/09/2010 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everythingiseverything · 23/09/2010 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 21:15

Its not Nanny's fault you need a new boiler. Cor blimey.

nearlytoolate · 23/09/2010 21:20

MollieO, Ladyintheradiotor - have you not read the other posts? MOST EMPLOYERS WOULD NOT GIVE YOU THIS AS ADDITIONAL LEAVE. So there is no need for incredulity at the suggestion that it might be taken as annual leave - that would be well within the bounds of normal employment practice.

But, I agree that a nanny's situation is different and relies more on goodwill on both sides - so it would be wise to use discretion here.

Original poster
bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 21:22

Here's how well she's got it...
She does four days a week before and afterschool care and gets paid a minimum of 30 hours per week, even though she actually does less than half of that. My husband and I agreed to do this b/c we may need her more often when I'm on placement and working shifts, maybe requiring her to start a little earlier or finish a little later, never both. She cooks the kid's tea and does no other nanny duties...
IMO that's quite compassionate...

OP posts:
MollieO · 23/09/2010 21:24

Ok then I have been lucky with all the employers I've had where this was offered as standard.

MaudOHara · 23/09/2010 21:24

All the employers that I have worked for I would have had to use annual leave for something like this - (paid) compassionate leave is for the death / serious illness of a partner / spouse / child / parent.

But nannies do seem to be treated differently to other employees as the relationship is more personal

pinksancerre · 23/09/2010 21:26

Agree with nearlytoolate, IMVHO this would not be given as compassionate leave. I work for the NHS and I would be expected to take AL or unpaid.

MollieO · 23/09/2010 21:26

bonita you sound pretty resentful of the contract you have negotiated. Maybe you should be rethinking your childcare arrangements. Hmm

rubyslippers · 23/09/2010 21:27

But stuff like this does happen ... And yes, it will no doubt be at a time when you need her most

And that is the downside of having a nanny

You sound a bit ticked off ... Why doesn't she do any other nanny duties?

nannynick · 23/09/2010 21:33

Legally she can request the day as holiday and you can decide to approve that request or not.

However as others have already mentioned, you may wish to take into account the overall working relationship with your nanny.

What has your nanny said about it? Have they asked to take the day off as holiday?

nannynick · 23/09/2010 21:37

I've had this situation occur in the past (me being the nanny) and I didn't really want to go to the funeral but my boss said that she would sort the childcare and that I should go, even if I was feeling at that time that I didn't want to go - as I may regret not going later on. Wasn't a Great Grandparent though... was a Grandparent.

You have asked for peoples views and you have got those views. If you agree with them or not is entirely up to you. End of the day it's between you and your nanny to come up with a solution that suits you both.

Appletrees · 23/09/2010 21:39

Great grandmother, no, not compassionate leave. She is getting the day off, for a start. You would have said no to this if it was just "a day off". I would do it as unpaid leave. ie she gets the day off but it's not out of her holiday allowance but she doesn't get paid for it. Or she could choose, holiday or unpaid leave.

Just to get straight. If you don't offer it to her as a paid free day off, you are not being heartless. If you do offer it to her as a paid free day off, you are being nice, not just doing what's required.

You being the employer and her the nanny does NOT mean that you are mean horrible rich exploiting Gradgrinds and she is poor thin waif matchstick girl.

The only thing it means,

Appletrees · 23/09/2010 21:41

eh?

Definitely agree with nearlytoolate and nannynick. ie it's only because it's this type of relationship that you might feel obliged to do compassionate leave. If you think you might lose her, and you don't want to, and she'll hold it against you, you're a bit kippered really.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/09/2010 21:41

as others have said, it should be on grounds of compassionate leave and for the sake of £30 and not losing your nanny over this, you should give her the time off and paid

its s FUNERALnot a day at the beach Hmm

it is NOT her problem you are struggling to pay her

you obv are not happy about her not working all the 30hrs you pay her for - so why dont you make her work the hours you pay her for

nannys need to have a minimum to live on, hence why many jobs will pay for extra hours but maybe be flexible about using them

it sounds to me that you begrudge paying your nanny 30hrs but her not working all of the hours but that is YOUR CHOICE that she works less than half of this

maybe she can make the time up and babysit one night?

gotkidz · 23/09/2010 21:45

Hi, I recently lost mt dad and had to shut as a cm for 2 weeks, I did not expect to be paid as it was on my side of the contract and I couldnt work, but on my contract if it is the childs family that misses a day and i'm still working they still pay me a full day.
Quite truthfully no body plans to have someone die whether it be the employer or the employee and I think that as an employer, you need to think how you would feel if your job employer for example would not allow you to have the time off or if they did how would you feel not to get paid for this day.
Me personally would give her compassionate leave and pay her half a days wage rather than a full days pay, that way your even, unless otherwise stated on your contract.
I would also really advise you not to divolge to much information on here, as your personal circumstances when it comes to Nannies or CM's should just stay between yourselves, then you may not feel so attacked by the other users
Hope this gives you some ideas. hmm

ginhag · 23/09/2010 21:45

As an employer, I would give any of the staff in my office a day to attend a family funeral as compassionate leave...if that is any help.

Appletrees · 23/09/2010 21:45

it's NOT the OP's fault the girl needs a day off Hmm

and yet she's morally obliged to pay for it, though she's already paying for hours not worked?

Why?

CrispyTheCrisp · 23/09/2010 21:46

My old employer (very large company) and my DSis's employer (large insurance company) only give compassionate leave for immediate family - parent, sibling, child so i do not think YABU

However, i think in the circumstances i would perhaps ask her to work some time in lieu, perhaps some babysitting in the evening?

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