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Original poster

Nanny at funeral... is this holiday?

149 replies

bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 20:39

Our nanny's great grandmother has passed away this week and the funeral will be held on Monday, which is a day we really need her to be here... so it's cost us £30 for afterschool for both kids...
I don't want to be totally heartless here, but should I mark this day as holiday? We are struggling as it is to fund her, and the extra cost of afterschool is something we only factored in during her holidays, which we agreed to get 4 weeks notice for.

Comments? Experiences? Anything appreciated.

A. x

OP posts:
banana87 · 23/09/2010 21:47

Compassionate leave.

I worked in the past for people like you who decided how "lucky" I had it to be working for them. Turned out it was a lot harder than they thought having to deal with them (the employer!).

If you have a heart pay her compassionate leave.

My ex-employer had no heart and took it off my pay when I had a mc and missed a week of work. I quit a week later. :(

giraffesCantDanceInBrokenHeels · 23/09/2010 21:47

Poor nanny.

nannynick · 23/09/2010 21:48

She hasn't been with you long - looks like you were recruiting back in July. So you may well still be in probationary period, thus nanny could leave with short notice if she decides she's better off in another job.

If it's a paid, it's not just £30. It's the nannies usual pay for that day (plus associated costs such as employers NI) plus the £30 for the after-school club. We can't quantify that as we don't know the financial details... but it could well be £100+ the OP will be paying out in total.

Discuss it with your nanny, come to an agreement. It's an unusual situation - not that likely to come up again.

Original poster
bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 22:03

Best bit of advice all night, NannyNick... Cheers!

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 23/09/2010 22:07

I have had to take time of work this week as my dd was rushed to hostpial - my employer will make me make up the hours or take up paid leave or take holdiay if I wish to do niether of the former. They will have to move people around to cover my work as it customer type work.

My handbook states that it is the managers dessions on whether he/she pays me or not - he never has, but the next department do regular

xoxcherylxox · 23/09/2010 22:47

nannynick Thu 23-Sep-10 21:48:52
She hasn't been with you long - looks like you were recruiting back in July. So you may well still be in probationary period, thus nanny could leave with short notice if she decides she's better off in another job.

If it's a paid, it's not just £30. It's the nannies usual pay for that day (plus associated costs such as employers NI) plus the £30 for the after-school club. We can't quantify that as we don't know the financial details... but it could well be £100+ the OP will be paying out in total.

Discuss it with your nanny, come to an agreement. It's an unusual situation - not that likely to come up again.

although all these other costs are involved they would have been paid anyway if the nanny had worked so if the nanny doesnt and she gets paid then it is just an extra £30 really

MrsSchadenfreude · 23/09/2010 23:20

Great grandmother? FFS, is she taking the piss? It should be taken as annual leave or unpaid leave. Show me an employer who will give compassionate leave for a distant relation like this and I'll eat my cat. If nannies want to be treated as real employees, then they abide by what everyone else does. Close relative - parent or sibling, and I'd give a week's compassionate leave on full pay. Great grandmother? No way.

I would give what I got - I got a week on full pay when my father died. When my Gran died, I took two days off to go to the funeral. Absolutely no question of it being compassionate.

everythingiseverything · 23/09/2010 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmc · 23/09/2010 23:42

F*ck no!

hmc · 23/09/2010 23:44

Wholly crap - are you two for real (last 2 posters). Sharp intake of breath and prepares to read rest of thread

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/09/2010 23:47

Great grandmother or not.

Your nannys loving relative died

sure she is worth £30ll

WilfShelf · 23/09/2010 23:48

Yup you could make all kinds of assumptions about how close or not she was to her GGM and be contractual about it...

...Or you could just be a nice human being to someone who is caring for your children, who will no doubt be absorbing the message you're giving about how carers should be treated.

And give her the fucking day off, for free, and go to your own grave with a good conscience.

This is a joke, right? People aren't really like this? Sure, if she develops 25 great grandmothers, you'd raise an eyebrow but it will cost you a lot more than 30 quid if she decides she doesn't want to work for you anymore...

hmc · 23/09/2010 23:49

WilfShelf - yes people really are like this Sad

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/09/2010 23:53

Great post, Wilf.

It never fails to amaze me how people who employ nannies never think about what their nannies might need - as opposed to their own, selfish demands.

And how can people assume that if it's a great grand parent that it's not a close relative?

These people will be the first to say that they want their nannies to treat their children as if they were family. It obviously doesn't work the other way round.

piscesmoon · 23/09/2010 23:53

Compassionate leave-I am surprised that you are not automatically compassionate. (She is a person-not a human resource.)

MrsSchadenfreude · 23/09/2010 23:54

Absolutely I would be like this. She is an employee. Same as I am. Why should she get preferential treatment because she looks after my children? It's a job. Tax and NI, same as everyone else.

And as I said, a week on full pay if it's a close relative. If not, she sucks it up like the rest of us and takes leave.

I am not a bad employer. I gave my last nanny 6 weeks paid leave to visit her sister that she hadn't seen for 10 years in Vancouver. (This was 2 weeks more leave than her contract, and she had already had leave for Easter and Christmas.) I also paid for her ticket too. It was a bonus for her excellent work throughout the year.

piscesmoon · 23/09/2010 23:55

I would think that a great-grandparent is a very cherished relative!

MrsSchadenfreude · 23/09/2010 23:57

And I don't see any other employer saying, ooh great gran? Take compassionate leave. Why should we have to be "special" employers because we employ nannies? ie softer and with cuddlier terms and conditions than anyone else.

BecauseImWorthIt · 23/09/2010 23:58

I'm in agreement with everything you say/have done, MrsSchadenfreude (goodness, that's hard to type!) except for the bit about being a close relative. I think that's an assumption that you can't make.

It also sounds like you have always had in place a contract/approach that treats your nanny very well. I'm not sure that the OP has this.

It is a job, and it often amazes me how many people who employ a nanny fail to realise this - they seem to think that they are some how just extended family.

But I still think that the OP is lacking in compassion.

MrsSchadenfreude · 24/09/2010 00:01

I would put my cards on the table if I was OP and tell her that she can either take the leave as paid, out of her holiday entitlement, or unpaid. My sympathies would be with her, I would be kind, but I am not a charity.

WilfShelf · 24/09/2010 00:01

"Why should she get preferential treatment because she looks after my children?"

...Because she looks after you children?

I don't have a nanny; I've only ever had ad hoc au pair arrangements and use a nursery. So perhaps you all have to be hard hearted. But given those women (and the odd man, Nick...) do an amazing job on some of the lowest pay, don't you think, actually, they deserve a bit of special treatment?

It isn't a workplace like any other: you've invited them into your family. The boundaries are already crossed. It ought to be their prerogative to maintain professional distance, but I know I want everyone looking after my kids to care about them, and about me. How could they look after them properly without understand their, and my needs? In return, I would expect to care about them.

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 00:02

I would have thought that if you are employing a person in such a responsible job as looking after your DCs you would want to be on very good terms and a little TLC when necessary will reap benefits in the long run. (how thoughtless of great gran to die at an inconvenient time!!)

MrsSchadenfreude · 24/09/2010 00:05

The lowest pay?? Sbow me a nanny who is on minimum wage...

I would care - I have said, I would give them a week on full pay for a close relation (which my employer defines as parent or sibling). But not a great grandparent.

I am in contact still with two out of my three nannies. So I can't be that awful.

WilfShelf · 24/09/2010 00:07

Considerably lower pay than the women who employ them...

I didn't say you were awful, and I think we agree on compassion: but how can you judge the relevance of her relationships?

plantsitter · 24/09/2010 00:08

If you don't do it to be compassionate, it's worth remembering that if you are flexible and thoughtful to your nanny she is more likely to be flexible and thoughtful towards you if you need it some time. Or more to the point, thoughtful towards your KIDS.

And suggesting you can decide how close somebody else is to a particular relative is ridiculous, patronising and controlling - and yes, I'm sure big companies are all those things towards employees but surely the nanny/employer relationship is an opportunity to NOT be like that.

That wasn't really directed at you OP but at others - in your case I would suck up the £30 as an investment but it's yours and the nanny's call.

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