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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny at funeral... is this holiday?

149 replies

bonitagbchica · 23/09/2010 20:39

Our nanny's great grandmother has passed away this week and the funeral will be held on Monday, which is a day we really need her to be here... so it's cost us £30 for afterschool for both kids...
I don't want to be totally heartless here, but should I mark this day as holiday? We are struggling as it is to fund her, and the extra cost of afterschool is something we only factored in during her holidays, which we agreed to get 4 weeks notice for.

Comments? Experiences? Anything appreciated.

A. x

OP posts:

LadyBiscuit · 24/09/2010 09:51

I got 10 days holiday a year when I lived in the US.

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 09:51

I think that a nanny-from the very position she is in with your family -is different from any other job. If you are saying that 'it is just a job like any other' then expect her to treat your DCs in the same way. If she had sole charge of my DCs I wouldn't want her to feel-'it is just a job' I would want a bit of emotional involvement.

warthog · 24/09/2010 09:53

not holiday. compassionate leave.

this is one of the costs of employing people. sorry - appreciate that it's hard.

dinkystinky · 24/09/2010 09:58

If it were my nanny, I'd give her the day off as compassionate leave (paid) as I know she wouldnt ask for the time off unless she really wanted to go to the funeral for whatever reason. But then we've had our nanny for 4 years and have a good working relationship with flex and compassion on both sides of the employer/employee relationship.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 24/09/2010 10:13

Public sector here. Whether or not to grant ompassionate leave would be decided by a manager. The rules don't state for whom one could take compassionate leave because family (and friendship) relationships are so diverse.

A colleague was given compassionate leave to attend a friend's mother's funeral because she was so close to her. Whereas the funeral of an aunt she hadn't spoken to for 30 years wouldn't warrant that (and she wouldn't have asked).

fwiw I was granted two days compassionate leave when my mum died. The rest of the week (!) was taken as annual leave. And I was her next-of-kin - arranging all her affairs and so on.

In this circumstance however I would give compassionate leave. In fact it wouldn't occur to me not to.

frakkinnakkered · 24/09/2010 10:14

The contract has sick pay - SSP - but that doesn't kick in immediately. It's not that unusual to only have SSP surely?

HarrietTheSpy · 24/09/2010 10:19

While I would be giving this nanny the time off (perhaps I have the luxury to be able to do that because my job can be flexible) I don't agree that a nanny job 'is different from every other job.' Not when families are not treated differently in any respect from any other employer. I wouldn't expect special treatment from my nanny either - when we give ours extra time off over the school holidays, for example, this is our choice we dont' expect 'payback' one way or another.Having professional boundaries is nothing to be embarrassed about.

FallingWithStyle · 24/09/2010 10:35

If you really cant afford it then why not have the day off uni and attend the saturday lecture instead - your nanny could provide childcare on this day. That would work, wouldn't it? Course she may prefer just to take unpaid or holiday.

I'm another one who doesn't get MrsS's 'bomb-proof childcare'.
Basically what that means is had the nanny needed time off for a funeral on a day when it was super important for the employer to be at work, then nanny would have to have missed the funeral, but surely that's not waht was meant?
Perhaps MrsS could clarify? I'm dying to know...

piscesmoon · 24/09/2010 11:03

I would expect my DCs to get special treatment, Harriet-I wouldn't employ a nanny to whom it was 'just a job'-she is after all being mother when you are not there and being a mother means special treatment-it works 2 ways.

PosieParker · 24/09/2010 11:10

Someone I was employing to care for my children I would hope to show kindness to, afterall this must be one of her moist redeeming features. To send the message that money is more important could shatter a good relationship for yourself, your children and the Nanny.

I'm sure your course can accept childcare is a good enough excuse to miss a lecture and you can make up the time.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 24/09/2010 11:50

sorry PP agree with you but :o at "one of her moist redeeming features"

PosieParker · 24/09/2010 13:56

rofl! I love those types of typos!! A lady had curtain Popes on another thread and then the MN classic of semen in the hair!!

Made my day!!

45nanny · 24/09/2010 14:45

my employers were amzing when my best friends husband died , she needed me there at the funeral and so i went and i was paid , then when they had a major situation in their family i was there to help them at no extra cost . It all about working together .
Having been a nanny for over 30years , these sort of things make the difference to a nanny .Its called compassion, helping each other out , being there and knowing that because you were kind to her , she in turn will be kind to you and your children , isnt this what employers look for when they employe us nannies .
I know its about money , but maybe if you just talked to her first she might have said , i'll make it up in another way . How things have changed over the years , never would any of my employers ask total strangers what was best for their nanny. !

RWhitesLemonade · 24/09/2010 15:41

I think most employers would only cover immediate family in compassionate leave, which does not include Grandparents, never mind Great Grandparents.

I am a teacher and would have to take anything else as unpaid, since all annual leave is specified.

However, if this was me, I would find it a very difficult thing to tell an employee they couldn't go to a funeral while being paid, so would probably offer compassionate leave on a goodwill basis.

SanctiMoanyArse · 24/09/2010 15:49

Wiyth a nanny I would go for good relationship over £30 tbh. maybe if it were £300 but £30? nah.

yes some employers limit to close family but that has negatives too- DH's old colleague had to clear up a mighty mess after his FIL died (FIL was carer for MIL and BIL who both had demntia, SSD said they coudn't cvome out for a week house full of perts to rehome etc....)- employers tried to say no we need you, then we won;t pay you, so colleague went elsewhere.

Not worth the hassle, triple so when it comes to relationships with kids.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/09/2010 16:34

CASSEROLE i will also share the cost of the £30 with you - i like to support hard working nannies

LADY BISCUIT nursery isn't bomb proof childcare as they wont take your child if they have S&D so what would op do then - where a nanny would?

i really cant believe an employer human being can be so heartless and so stingy over £30

i could understand slightly more if the op had young children and needed to find childcare all day so 11/12hrs but she has got cover at an after school club and has to pay £30 for it

saying that i have taken a day off for my gran in law's funeral - mb gave me the day off,didnt dock my wages and even paid my friend over £100 to have her children 11hrs as mb had to work - but she was happy to give me the day off and pay double wages as it was a one off thing

pinkbasket · 24/09/2010 17:06

Maybe ask the nanny to pay the £30 if you are really struggling..

MrsSchadenfreude · 24/09/2010 18:51

Look, for those of you who have been having a go at me, you clearly haven't read my posts. I would give the nanny the day off - of course I would. But she could either take this as annual leave or unpaid leave.

Re the cast iron/bomb proof childcare, in my last job, I did need this. A week was easier to deal with than a day - someone had to sign and say they would do your job for a week or more, the odd day, you had to rely on someone's goodwill. That was what made it awkward. I would have had to have worked, but we would have sorted out something - friend or someone else's nanny (whom we would have paid) or DH would have had the day off, if it had been possible.

LadyBiscuit · 24/09/2010 19:37

Blondes - I agree. There is no such thing as bomb-proof childcare. As I know more than most, being a single parent!

I'm still very intrigued by your job Mrs S. Are you Hillary C?

frakkinnakkered · 24/09/2010 20:12

DH's job is the same re: flexibility or lack thereof. His boss was summoned while his wife was in labour with their third child and he had to go - missed the birth, didn't come home for 4 days. Often military/NGOs concerned with crises/disaster management jobs require ultimate flexibility.

That's when you need the solidest childcare you can get. Plus there are temps who can cover a week! A day is definitely trickier.

MrsSchadenfreude · 24/09/2010 21:50

Exactly, Frakkin.

LadyBiscuit, no, not Hillary C! LOL. I was working on crisis management in a large international organisation that dealt with, errr, crises! Interestingly, when I left that job, I was ill for about three weeks. I think I had been running on adrenalin and gin, and when it stopped, my system didn't know what had hit it.

Appletrees · 25/09/2010 17:03

heartless and stingy, my foot

drinkyourmilk · 25/09/2010 21:39

ok - I haven't read all the posts, got to page 4, but I'd like to add my view.

I work very hard (as a nanny) to be seen as a professional. I don't dress like a slob, I take my duties seriously - raise children the way the parents ask me to, provide a stimulating, safe and fun day, take note of child related law, and stay abridge of new developments in childcare philosophy. I know many of the nannies on this board feel the same way.

If we want professional recognition and respect then we need to accept that standard business contract terms are going to be put into effect - we can't have it both ways.

Therefore I think that as harsh as the OP sounds - it's just the way life is - for MOST people. If you can't afford to pay your nanny OP then give her your sympathy and ask if she wants to have unpaid leave or take it as holiday. I do think that you need to look at your attitude towards her in general though - you do seem quite resentful and it will show even if you don't mean it to.

nannyl · 26/09/2010 19:57

i have atteneded 2 funerals in 10 years of nannying

I have always been paid in full, and it was not part of my holiday.
I know that none of my bosses would have even thought about not paying me for it

(on the other side, when i was nannying for a family 4 days a week, and my bosses dad (the childrens grandad) died, i worked the extra day that week, (day of funeral), and refused to let them pay me... swings and roundabouts etc, but i didnt want to make them "pay" to attend their dads funeral when there was no else avaliable to look after their toddler (as all other family were AT the funeral too)... (oh and they could have afforded the extra £100 of my wages!)

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