What are the three things you wish you had known before going into labour?

[BigGLittleG]

The subject pretty much sums it up!

1. That I should not have stopped reading the books at the giving birth bit - might have been nice to know something about breastfeeding, or what to expect next in general!

1. That your immune system is now fucked forever.

1. That you need to make your husband throw your mad family out rather than let you be used as some sort of dazed tourist attraction for three days solid. You need food, sleep and rest, not a circus!

That shouting "weeeeeeee!" when you get a decent G&A hit makes you sound like a right twat.

That high 5'ing everybody in the room upon the arrival of your baby makes you look like a twat.

That you will feel an unbelievable amount of rage towards anybody who dares to take a nap in a chair whilst you lie on the bed thinking that you're about to see the light.

That being told "You have a high pain threshold" when having my waters broken meant absolutely fark all during transition, lying gits.

That I should have known how to breastfeed, because shoving the babies mouth over my nipple and saying "there, I'll be back in a while"... and never coming back, just didn't work for me.

That I don't have to be superwoman, in the shower 20 minutes after delivery and vomiting my tea and toast down the plughole.

1. That contractions can stall and stop even as late as transition - and require a synto drip to kickstart them again.

1. That one of the midwives attending you may make it clear that she is there under sufferance and would really rather be in the next room where a woman is having a natural birth of twins.

1. That even once it's all over, after almost 30 hours (during which you were unable to force down more than one square of chocolate), you may not be offered anything to eat or drink.

1. that the first moment I saw each of my DDs was the best feeling in the world - and the most precious of my life.

2)That just because you had a bad time with the labour of your first doesn't mean your second will be the same - 36 hours labour first and 2.5hours for the second!

3)That you've GOT to stand up for yourself and what you want - don't be polite and British and go along with stuff - say NO!

4)That they are not allowed to take away the gas and air because 'you're having too much'. Mine was taken away for the pushing, bastards.

Sorry more than 3!

And from reading this thread, a fairly compelling one seems to be:

1. Have your baby at home if you are able, get the midwives undivided attention and eat what you like, move where you like, etc!

It will be ok & just to go with it.

• the first wee and poo after birth is not necessarily going to be horrendous! I was terrified after reading about it here and it was NOT painful at all!

• if you end up with more intervention than you hoped for, don't worry!

• if you end up with an induction it is not necessarily going to be horrendous. (Though if you have the drip, my advice would be to get them to give you the epidural FIRST rather than when you having big contractions every minute!)

• forceps and episiotomies are not necessarily horrendous - believe me I could have kissed those forceps, giving me a bit of extra help to get DD out after 3.5 hours of pushing and 27 hours of labour. Episiotomy healed fine - was just a bit sore to sit on for a few days after. NOTHING TO BE TERRIFIED OF!

• breastfeeding - once you have had the baby, you think "Great, it's over! Its then a bit of a shock when you realise you now have to keep on feeding it on an ongoing basis all the time (esp in the early days to get supply going!)

a HUGE amount of how easy it is to get going with this depends on the baby and you don't have much control over it! Don't beat yourself up if your baby takes a bit longer to get the knack. Some babies take to it like a duck to water and its just a virtuous circle of supply going up, baby feeding well, mum feeling good etc. The opposite could also be true. The best advice I got was from a second time mum in the post natal ward, she said, just draw the curtains and just hold your dd all night near your chest, skin to skin. Don't bother sticking her in that plastic cot - she won't settle! So I just dozed all night with DD on my chest and I am sure that contributed to a great BF experience for us both.

• best advice is not to panic, you will get through childbirth, and once baby is here you WILL get the knack of it all, just as every mum before you has done.

PS you might get a bit emotional - I had a lovely older midwife who was v caring and maternal and sat with me through the night. When the going started to get more intense, I came over all emotional and grabbed her hand and said "oh you're so lovely and kind to me - just like a mum - I'm so lucky to have you, sob sob" ... she just smiled and dabbed my forehead and said "you're alright dear and doing very well!" (she must have seen it a million times!)

There are horror stories of midwives but many of them are BRILLIANT DD was born at 11am and she stayed 4 hours beyond the end of her shift to stay with me and meet her - the sainted woman! She also told the young consultant that I DID NOT need a caesarean, at least not yet and could they kindly leave us to get on with the job in hand for another half an hour, please. Then she said "right Bumps, you have got 20 mins - now come on woman!" Needless to say after much shouting (from DH, in encouragement!) and huffing and puffing (from me), DD arrived without the consultant getting the scalpel out!

May that midwife be given first class ticket to paradise pls, St Peter!

Take in loads of food in case you have to stay. they provide food portions for the sick and the elderly and not for starving mothers, especially if breast feeding.

Be relaxed, meditate, and not overly fit its extra hard to get them out, as too many muscles. If you are in hospital you have the best care on hand. I always felt better the more banshee sounding I became.

I love this thread - it's bringing back loads of memories that I can now seriously laugh at, thought at the time weren't remotely funny!
Here's mine:

1. that delivering the placenta can be as painful as the birth itself

1. that your insides won't fall out the first time you do a number two (even though it def feels like it)

1. that your belly sinks in on itself once the baby is out - think weird jelly mass that you can push into almost all the way to your spine!

But really, it can't all be that bad if most of us choose to go through it again (and again!)

oh, and I add, that wearing a maternity pad is like walking with a mattress between your legs!

1. that your lovely, kind, thoughtful dh/dp might come over a bit useless, unassertive and unhelpful - what with the terror and sleep-deprivation. So arm him with a short list of things you definitely want him to do.

1. That it's not a good idea to leave the stuff you need for afterwards in a bag in the car.

1. That you really shouldn't take a 0-3 size sleep suit with you because the newborn ones look so ridiculously small. They really are that small (mostly). And the midwives will laugh at you.

1. 'Stage 3' doesn't always just happen. Sometimes placentas get stuck and need to be surgically removed and this process is not very nice (particularly after a 30 hour, back to back labour...)

1. You might be sick. A lot.

1. You will be ravenously hungry after and that huge tupperware of Macaroni Cheese you have instructed DH to defrost from the freezer the day after the birth will taste miraculously heavenly.

(4. Nothing - nothing, will prepare you for the overwhelming feelings of love that rush over you when you hold your infant in your arms for the first time. No matter how shit the labour, your life has just changed in the most unbelievably extraordinary way and stuff will be better now. Well, once your apparently stubborn placenta has been retrieved, anyway...)

1. Take nappies.
2. Take nice shower gel and moisturiser in case you end up having a c-section. There's nothing more heavenly than a hot shower and lovely-smelling stuff after 24 hours in labour and having your stomach cut open (apart from the baby, obviously).
3. Take a toothbrush.

1. That if your 40+ weeks pregnant and you starting pooping for england while having cramps its not likely to be a tummy bug! but onset of labour

1. That after you've pooped for england, and yet you still feel you need to poo and still getting much much more intense cramps that these are actualy contractions, the babies head is as low as its gonna get and you really really should be at the hospital by now.

1. Contractions arnt always regular.

1. Much rather be cut than rip.

1. That even though everyone says you leave your dignity at the door and may end up labouring in the buff - you will feel absolutely no need whatsoever to take your clothes off, and you will cover up as much as humanly possible and also deny random folk and med students from wanting a peek at your fanjo unless absolutely necessary

1. That you will feel no need to make any noise during labour - aside from talking to DP and MW. No matter if the Doc that comes in to examine you tells you its ok to make some noise. My MW told me that I was the most calm person she had ever seen give birth before!

1. That you may arrive at hospital after having contractions constantly for 6hours, to the midwives telling you that you can't possibly be in labour as you haven't had a show - and for them to pass you a couple of paracetamol Then to be examined to find that you are in fact 6cm - yay me!!

1. I wish I had known that I could refuse internals - one Doc examined me and broke my waters, DS's heart rate went up and he managed to turn his head and get stuck. I did 6cm in 6hours, the last 4cm took me 19hours before he was out. My guess is that if I had refused the internal, I would have been finished in 5hours (ish)

Oh well, it wasn't that bad. I would love to do it all over again.

Oh, forgot to mention - that even though most people feel like a train has hit them afterwards - you may feel fine, except from a sore back (caused by epidural)

1. that you really won't care who sees what (and a bikini line and smooth legs are really unimportant)

1. it hurts, but you can cope

1. that if you consume the tea and toast too quickly they come back up again. (DH made me eat really slowly after 2 and 3)

1. You will be in excruciating agony, far past the "pain" discussed in the NCT bollocks-class.

1. They may not give you any pain relief for their own mysterious reasons.

1. They will stand and watch you suffer and not give an ounce of help.

Don't bother trying to look perfect with manicures and pedicures cos when you have an emergency Csection they take it all off complete waste of money did this with DS1

Yep, FatSeal, that sums it up pretty nicely.

I have another one- that it's ok to say you want to do it on your own. DP was there for my DD1 and I felt realyl inhibited and embarassed. For DD2 I did it on my own with just the midwife and it was SO much better. All the staff were quite shocked that I didn't want him there but I think it's ok to feel like labour is a 'woman's thing' and no place for a man to be.

i wish i'd known how crucial the moments immediately after the birth are for bonding and had tried to make eye contact with my newborn, ensuring 'cord cutting' and 'cleaning up' had been left at least twenty minutes.

i wish i'd known to wear a top that i could open, to enable skin to skin contact with my babies straight after their births.

i wish i'd taken my pelvic floor excersises more seriously and practised them during pregnancy and soon after both the births.