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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

What are the three things you wish you had known before going into labour?

362 replies

BigGLittleG · 30/01/2010 16:39

The subject pretty much sums it up!

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StarlightMcKenzie · 03/02/2010 17:14

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fayebalina · 03/02/2010 17:19

Again i think it is very individual. You never know what your pain is going to be like ..... some women actually find it envigorating!!!??? Where as some as we have talked about find it traumatising. Its hard to know in that case how to prepare for it, i find some women who have tried to prepare them selves but have ended up scaring themselves silly and then others like yourself who it has hugely benefitted. That is one thing I love about my job.....there are no definate answers. Each women is so unique its a joy.

StarlightMcKenzie · 03/02/2010 17:24

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StarlightMcKenzie · 03/02/2010 17:28

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fayebalina · 03/02/2010 17:34

And again i completely agree that decisions should be made by the woman. Noe of what i said was a step by step situation....it should constantly be being assessed and this assessment should be made always in conjunction with the woman....I never meant that i would make assessment without the involvement of the woman.

Midwives are in tricky spots especially in units where epidurals are available, we can not solely make the decision as it is considered high risk and there for needs doctors involvement.

Believe me if i had a magic pill which I could give to those women who want it which could take all the pain out of childbirth with no adverse effects then I would be the first to provide it.

The bottom line is yes it should be a womans choice and you can demand that this is so, but please before you do learn all there is about the pros and cons....for everything.... as im sure you will agree the safty of you and your child is paramount.

silentcatastrophe · 03/02/2010 17:37

It's terrifying being in that much effing agony. I've heard it said that it's the most painful thing without dying afterwards. I had no idea about the pain! I had no idea it could or would be so excruciating. It's not like that for everyone, but I guess it can be and that's why epidurals exist!

SpeedyGonzalez · 03/02/2010 17:38

"Yes, but having the argument during labour when she is begging for pain relief is not the time to educate her in such matters. It should have been part of her care and preparation months before hand and the birthing environment should have been set up to support that." - Oi! I said that first!

With regard to the information that women are given, I was given very little information of use. In fact the hospital 'preparation' classes put the fear of God back into me so I refused to attend more than the first one. So I know first hand that the way the NHS prepares women for birth leaves a lot to be desired. I also know that the information which can transform a woman's approach to labour is readily available and can be easily accessed. So there is no excuse for the NHS preparing women so badly.

However, I do believe that pregnant women should not expect everything to land on their plates - precisely because pregnancy, labour and birth are such individual experiences. I purposely sought out good information which enabled me to overcome my terrors. The women I have heard saying they are not going to prepare are just as well-educated as I am, and just as capable of seeking this information themselves.

You mentioned the position of the baby/ size/ mother's health as potential aggravating factors which can negate all the best preparation in the world. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, it's the same in every aspect of life. But if a significant proportion of women - the majority, even - can be assisted in managing labour pain with better preparation, the outcomes will likely be better all-round: better for the mother's body and overall experience and memory of the birth; lower cost to hospital; shorter hospital stays - benefitting mother, child and NHS budgets; I'm sure there are more points that I can't think of.

I don't know what happens to women for whom an epidural doesn't work - CS, perhaps?

StarlightMcKenzie · 03/02/2010 17:41

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muriel76 · 03/02/2010 17:58

That it is NOT a positive pain - what cobblers!

That if midwives tell you from 16 weeks that your baby is big then they are probably right so consider your options!

That labour is horrid but the end result is lovely!

fayebalina · 03/02/2010 18:00

I can only talk for myself but regardless of how overworked I am I have NEVER denied a woman pain relief under my sphere of allowance, if it is available at that time (ie anaesthetist free) then a woman can have it!
The physiological, psychological and emotional safety for any woman in my care is of up most importance whatever that may be, anything i have ever advised against is when i truely feel that there could be serious consequences for mother or baby and even then i act on the decision made by the mother.

I am so sorry to those of you who have had bad experiences with your midwives but we are not all the same so please dont tarr us all with the same brush. Please do tell all about your experiences good or bad but please realise that it really hurts when we are all seen as the bad guys!

StarlightMcKenzie · 03/02/2010 18:13

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heQet · 03/02/2010 18:17

1 - that my big long detailed birth plan was a waste of time, paper and ink because I could not have cared less about sticking to the plan if I had tried.

2 - that you generally do a great big huge shit right there, in front of everyone!

3 - that it's a waste of time taking a book into the delivery suite.

SpeedyGonzalez · 03/02/2010 18:17

Starlight - how awful that they didn't train the staff properly, there's no excuse for that. It's pretty negligent IMO. But OMG at your SHO!

But have to add that I've heard that Italy/ Holland analogy used in RL to describe someone's experience of becoming the mother of a child with Down's...spooky! Unless someone you know used it?!

StarlightMcKenzie · 03/02/2010 18:19

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StarlightMcKenzie · 03/02/2010 18:20

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ItsGrimUpNorth · 03/02/2010 18:21

"...as did the fact that the SHO jumped on my abdomen and blasted the baby out."

Oh. My. God.

This makes me want to cry. I can't imagine how traumatic that must have been, Starlight.

Loujalou · 03/02/2010 18:29

I learnt the following

Maybe its best for husbands to be all old fashioned and come in when baby is out. My mum was much more helpful.

G&A and eating don't go together.

Giving birth is very hard but is much easier than looking after a young baby, especially when you have been sleep deprived.

Loujalou · 03/02/2010 18:31

Oh and if you have a premmie baby there is not really a post birth cuddle they just clean baby pass over for a minute and take to SCBU. Still makes me sad when I think about it. But my healthy happy toddler doesn't seem affected by it at all.

FrameyMcFrame · 03/02/2010 18:40

that your midwife could go on her break just as you reach 10 cms dilated and are in transition, and say 'I'll be back in half an hour when your ready to push'
wtf? I'm ready to push now!!!!

that your bum hole may be smaller than it was before, after an over enthusiastic consultant sews you up, making having a poo quite a task for the rest of your life.

That some midwives aren't very nice people.
For instance they can tell you that you are 7cm then 5 minutes later tell a consultant that actually you're more like 9 cm!!!
Why? Why do that?
Tell me that I'm more like 9cm f I am please, it might help me feel like I'm closer to the end of this painful expirience znd actually doing quie well!

bethjeff · 03/02/2010 19:01

1-when the anaesthetist asks 'how are you doing?' do not reply

'i'm fine but i'm quite sure i just sh*t myself'.

because then he won't give you epidural as quickly.

2-when you think you've sh*t yourself you probably havent.

3- don't let your DH wind you up for weeks beforehand about possibly getting to see you sh*t yourself because you will become utterly paranoid.

dreamingofsun · 03/02/2010 19:18

that despite the midwife giving you a disprin and telling you to go to sleep you are actually in labour and thats why it hurts and it doesn't actually get worse. that epidurals are wonderful, especially if your baby has a large head.

ooosabeauta · 03/02/2010 19:42

That actually an epidural can help you stay 'in touch' with your labour (as opposed to my mother's strong view that drugs distance you from the event...) - I was off the planet for 7 hours before the epidural while he was stuck back-to-back, but when eventually I had the epidural at hour 31, I knew what was going on and could enjoy a relatively painless pushing phase.

That sometimes the anaesthetists miss the spot, and if you're in a big hospital, can take an hour and a half to be found and retrieved to try again.

BITCAT · 03/02/2010 19:44

fayebelina, yes i have to agree i have had 4 babies and every midwife has been different. My first terrible..think she thought i was just a child. With second midwife was great very supportive, and chatty which kept me calm and made me fell at ease. Third midwife was fantastic..and i also had a student midwife with us too, she was lovely, and kept saying that she couldnt believe how calm and chilled i was. They put the radio on for me and the student midwife actually went out of her way to come and see me and baby once her shift was finishing to say goodbye and wish me well..ive not had any midwife do that, so that was fantastic. With my 4th i opted for hb and that was great, the midwife was same lady that delivered my 3rd and she remembered me and had also remembered how fast i progressed and decided to stay with me, i asked her how the student got on and she completed her training and had got a job in another hospital..so apart from 1st baby midwifes been great. No there not all bad at all..u get good ones and bad ones and ive heard terrible stories about the bad ones..it is your right to request someone else if you are not happy and complain too, unless people complain about the ones that are not doing there job correctly then it wont be dealt with.

BITCAT · 03/02/2010 19:52

I must be the only one who didnt find birth that painful..call me mad but id do it again in a heartbeat. I managed with just gas and air with everyone..and used less than quarter of a tank with my youngest..but then we are all different..and mine were short labours..maybe if it had gone on longer i may have had a different time..or i just have a high threshold..that said..id rather have a baby than visit the dentist any day lo..im going to go before the men in white coats come after me

mjinhiding · 03/02/2010 19:59

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