What are the three things you wish you had known before going into labour?

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The subject pretty much sums it up!

OMG I'm so glad this thread wasn't around before I gave birth 4 weeks ago!!! Thank goodness some people have posted positive experiences too...
Mine are:
That labour might not hurt as much as I thought it would - by the time I went into hospital thinking I was in active labour, I was actually fully dilated.
That the scariest part would be being told how far on I was

I would actually agree with Fraochsmum, despite my labour lasting 4 days, I didn't ever feel I was in unbearable pain. It hurt, but certainly wasn't unbearable. I asked for the epidural a bit early IYKWIM cos I knew that I would probably have to wait about 30mins. The lovely chap turned up in 5mins! It was bad when the epidural wore off, but only for about 15mins before I was given a spinal block for the ECS.

This honestly isn't me forgetting the experience, I remember thinking at the time "I thought the pain would be worse". However, I am no Giselle....

1. Whatever happens, however you give birth, as long as it results in you plus baby it's a success.

1. If you elect to have pethidine, you may only need a half dose and even then you may feel like you're floating on the ceiling for hours. This may result in you saying weird things and not complying with the MW's instructions, which will not go down well.

1. Make sure your birth partner knows your wishes/preferences, and will stand up for you when necessary. Also, realise that sometimes you need to compromise/give up on your plans, and it's OK.

1. It's one poxy day out of your life, and it's just your job that day. Admittedly a major and quite shit job in most cases, but tomorrow it will be over.

1. That parts of it are bearable, intense and sometimes quite incredible - afterwards I felt elation like I've never known before.

1. Tea and toast is the best meal in the world

1. That when MW examines you in labour to see how far along you are... it hurts... and they don't LOOK at cervix (as in smear test) they grope around (as in James Herriot). I was genuinely shocked by this in 1st labour.

1. That if things seems to be going badly due to poor staff (v. rare thank goodness) you can ask to speak with the Supervisor of Midwives on duty (24hrs a day) who can help the situation.

1. That newborns can look squashed at first and not like the cutie you expected.

Oh Waltonsmountain, you've reminded me of another one. That sometimes you NEED G&A just for the internals!! Definitely in my case and didn't matter who the MW/Nurse/Doctor was so it wasn't just rough treatment!

1. That when on your due date you wake up, and attempt to poo, and fail, and try again, and fail... it's not constipation, it's labour

1. G & A should be sold in pubs.

1. DH gets the nesting instinct, not you, so uses up all the hot water cleaning the house just before you go into labour.

Firstly, make sure you have the very best consultant and anaesthetist.
Secondly, have your DH scout the nearby restaurants and borrow menus from the best ones, you'll be starving and hospital food just won't cut it.
Thirdly, let your friends know which champagne you'd prefer..... something they really should know, but just to be sure

1. That I could have done it at home and had a better outcome
2. That I shouldn't have bothered with the bloody TENS machine
3. That's about it, really. I thought labour was bloody amazing, that my body was absolutely extraordinary for being able to do all that, and I am REALLY enthused about doing it again in the next few months!

Gratification-wise, it's like running and winning a marathon the first time round - only FAR better (and without destroying your legs in the process).

1. That labour really HURTS. Went from needing a pee and that was it to all consuming pain in approx 18 mins - like a bad film that you may have previously criticised for being unrealistic. HAH! Didn't so much time contractions as the big pains and the REALLY big pains. No actual space between. Got to 7cm in under 2 hours. Oh, and potholes for 16 miles in a builders van + back labour = not good.

2. Fucking TENS machine no fucking use at all.

3. Gas & Air might make your teeth fizz but did nowt for the pain. The epidural was absolutely FANTASTIC however; went from screaming snot nosed mess back to me. Midwife had to ask me to put me book down so I could push. Bring it on!

That sweeping the membranes is almost more painful than the birth itself - and that you will want to punch the (male) consultant who says "Oh a sweep doesn't hurt!"

That you may end up like the cow in All creatures great and small, with assorted consultants' hands up your vagina up to the wrist. (and that this will give you flashbacks for months afterwards).

That you can ask not to have internal examinations unless absolutely necessary, and they will respect that wish.

1. That labouring standing up is fab but it does make your thighs kill for days afterwards
2. That being pig headed about wanting no pain relief is really, really stupid!
3. That you don't have to lie down and be examined if you don't want to

Oh, and I had two lovely home births, first one by accident and second by design and I wholeheartedly recommend it!

for you, dinosaur. Am not planning to use drugs in labour but out of interest, what were the side effects on your baby?

Things I know after labour #2 that I wish I'd known before labour #1:

1. the difference between "waters going" and "hind water leak". MWs thinking my waters had gone (when they patently hadn't) put me on the hospital countdown-to-labour-augmentation and the whole cascade of intervention

1. How hiring an independent midwife second time around was worth every penny, even though it means we won't be able to buy a car or go on holiday for the foreseeable future.

1. The Alexander Technique. Best thing EVER for physical wellbeing in pregnancy and for fast and totally focused labour, where pain relief didn't even cross my mind.

1. That childbirth first time round is almost like a practice run. Plan to have the birth you want second time, once you have a clue how your body does this amazing trick.

This all makes me want to do it again!

1. That despite having a great water birth in your local midwife unit, you may tear badly and need to go in an ambulance (without your baby (because it was a brand new ambulance, that didn't have a car seat with it, and the one the midwife unit had didn't fit)), and get to have an epidural after all to be stitched.

1. That you should never let your dh go home until after you have been settled in your bed on the ward - he will make sure you can reach what you need. I couldn't reach my bag and I so wanted to put a pair of knickers on! And, more importantly, reaching the baby was really difficult and when I eventually did it, it was a bit hairy and things wouldn't have had to be very different for me to have dropped her - couldn't really move cos of epidural.

1. That just because you were two weeks late when you were born, doesn't mean your baby will be.

And what everyone says about how it feels like you are doing a poo.

And what others have said about realising how bodies are amazing!

Being both a midwife and a mother I find this thread really interesting!I had my son prior to being a midwife!

As a mother 3 things id wish id known:

That my personality was liable to change (completely) when i was in labour
That I needed someone in my face breathing me through each contraction (when labour really got gong)
That although I freaked out during labour I can hardly remember any of it where as my husband is still traumatised

As a midwife I wish women knew:

Have a plan but be openminded that it may change (pain relief does not = faliure!)
Everything is YOUR choice, we should only advise against if we feel it is detrimental to you or your baby
That the latent phase of labour (before 3-4cm dilated, depending on location) is horrible for some women but if we intervene too much we may knock you out of labour or make the rest of the labour worse.

fayebalina - I'm intrigued by your last point: "if we intervene too much we may knock you out of labour or make the rest of the labour worse." How so?

That the baby was breech and I wasn't going to get my natural birth, but an emergency C-section! And I am still really upset that the midwives and doctors who did my antenatal check-ups didn't spot that the silly little moo was bum down rather than head down

That Sweetkitty's 'that it hurts a lot more than you ever think it will but the minute the baby is out it stops' is a big fat lie. Sweetkitty is obviously either very lucky or a mum to only one because the afterpains I had with DC2 and DC3 were real killers!

That not only was it not as bad as films have you believe, some of it was actually enjoyable. My first labour was very long so I was exhausted but it gave me so much confidence I had the next two at home with no pain relief except focused yoga breathing which was almost miraculously effective. I actually loved the power of the experience and would do it again just for that feeling.

I know not everyone has this experience but it's not as rare as all that - so certainly not always a horror story and I think it's important women know it CAN be good because I believe that the more relaxed you are the less the contractions hurt and frighten and the more you feel you are using them in partnership with the baby. Also I made no noise at all - have no problem with it but it wasn't natural to me at all - think I was so busy focussing that all my noise was internalised energy. Or something. Hmm, I have become a hippy.

Shame I didn't find bf so simple!

Oh - Number 2 - G&A can just make you vom and is better given to DH.

3 - Have some champagne on ice - it's very disappointing is it's warm.

The latent phase is a really dodgy area, for some poor women it can be very painful and long and to make it worse we turn around and say that you are not in established labour! Not good! If you are in labour its unlikely knock you out regardles if it is latent or established but there is no way of confirming prior to 3-4 cm if you are in labour, so if you arnt then mobilising and being in your own space is 9 times out of ten best. The making labour worse bit relates mainly to the cascaid of intervention. As soon as you start some sort of intervention in labour your chances of having more increases. So if you were to start on gas and air at 2cm, you may not get to 4 for another 12+ hours chances are by that point or before you will be exhausted and be needing stronger analgesia, the more drugs you have over a longer period of time = more intervention, and more intervention increases chances of maternal and baby distress/exhaustion long with increased chances of laying down lots (not good for progression/position)and therefore increased possibility of ventouse, forceps or EMCS.

This all sounds very scary I know and I alsol know some women need that pain relief, this is fine you need to do what you need to do in labour as it is different for every woman and every pregnancy. But this is the rationale behind our actions, hope it sort of explains it?

Faye, thanks for clarifying that - I honestly can't remember what the latent phase was like for me as when I first arrived at hospital I was 7cm dilated.

I agree with you about the cascade of intervention, though, and so it's heartening to see a medical professional writing about this. The best advice I was given about pain management (with regard to whether I should come in to hospital) was: 'When you think you need support in managing it, then come to hospital'. As someone with a high pain tolerance (plus I'd done loads of prep like hypnobirthing, etc), this worked well for me. It meant that by the time I got to hospital I was almost at the end and needed nothing but gas + air to manage the pain. However, other, avoidable interventions meant that the final birth outcome was very bad for my body. So it's a homebirth this time round!

That you actually get better care with a home birth than in hospital. At home they have to send you 2 midwives and I had 3 at one point! My friends who gave birth in hospital at the same time hardly had any attention from the midwives and had terrible experiences labouring in corridors and waiting room, being shouted at by stressed out nurses etc.

I second the thing about internals, they are bloody painful and they made me lie down for it (was doing just fine standing up, thank you ... )

1: that things can move really quite quickly even with a first labour, and your DH may have to come back from work after a couple of hours to find you mooing across the living room with contractions every few minutes even though the first twinges only started a few hours earlier.

2: that blowing raspberries really really loudly gives you something to concentrate on during contractions, helps relax all the muscles below and also entertains DH and the midwife

3: that the feeling of elation when you first hold your baby is something that can't be put into words, and the realisation that there is now one more person in the room than at the start of the day will really blow your mind.