What are the three things you wish you had known before going into labour?

[BigGLittleG]

The subject pretty much sums it up!

1. That you may be one of those 2 out of 8 women in your NCT class who will end up with a c-section. Came as a shock to me, up until the very last minute I thought I'd push ds out.

1. That labour is only a day (or in my case 3 days) out of your life. And the most difficult part starts afterwards - looking after the little one: sleepless nights, constant feeding, exhaustion and in unlucky - colic.

1 - That labour can go on for long time. The books tend to talk about what happens from established labour ie - 3cms. It took me 3 days to get there as DS was brow presentation.

2- That breathing G and A in the face of abnalready exhausted DH will result in him passing out.

3- That uterus is one of those words that should always be said in a broad geordie accent.

expect the unexpected. ditch the birth plan.

Starlight, I'm not convinced that a more gradual approach to pain control in labour will automatically mean "Leaving them and their psych to spiral out of control". That is a very exaggerated way to look at the picture. What do you mean by that?

get stitched up
get stitched up
get stitched up

No one, including NCT class, warned me about false labour and how to recognise and deal with it.

Had a false labour with both babies. With #1 I did what NCT had taught me, stayed upright and mobile to speed things along. All this did was exacerbate and prolong a false labour. With #2 I knew how to recognise false labour from actual labour and how to minimise it.

Feel like asking NCT for my money back.

that the water in the birth pool is actually quite hot!!

1/you need to stay in bed as long as possible and NOT walk or otherwise use your poor overstretched muscles. Pelvic prolapse anyone? I'd never heard of it, but wish I had...after DS, walked DD to nursery. ow, ow, ow.
I had to have surgery, but spent a long time with awful loo problems until it was done.
2/ pain relief, pain relief, pain relief - au naturel is for when women were told the pain of birth was their punishment for Eve's sins.
3/ that your lovely man will never, ever have the foggiest idea how much pain or trauma your lower regions have been through....

1. That ignorance is bliss and even best laid plans... even if you want an epidural (damn right), and then get one (hurray!), they don't always work (oh sh*t).

1. That you can have G&A for sweeps and internal examinations if you ask for it.

1. That you don't miraculously decrease in size back into your chic, linen straight leg trousers and darling little 'new mummy' top that you have packed for departure. So pack maternity gear. Gutted.

That I'd never do it again..... I loved my labour, from the breaking waters to the full body slither through the birth canal (it was all done in 6hrs, how lucky am I). And I and my son wish there was another one, but there ain't... So to all you mothers out there with horrid labours but 2 or more kids - I'd trade an easy labour for another baby anyday!

that it's ok to have a c-section and doesn't mean you've failed as a woman, a mother and an all-round human being

that it bloody f*ing hurts

that it's ok to think 'oh thank god that's over' when your child first comes out instead of going all gooey-eyed immediately

1. If you're going to be induced, opt for the drip rather than gel, someone repeatedly sticking their hand up your fanjo trying to find your cervix (unsucessfully many times) hurts more than giving birth.

1. That when you are the size of a whale but the sonographer tells you the baby is normal and around 7lb, you can add on at least three pounds and a good few inches to the length of your baby - trust your mirror!

1. That you can fall asleep while being stitched up after a third degree tear. with an epidural obv!

I am very and at all you posters who had MWs who told you when to pant. With both of mine all they did was shout PUSH, hence the third degree tear I guess.

oh and

4.second births CAN take twice as long as the first one.

1. You will most likely throw up after the delivery if you have that injection to speed up delivery of the placenta.

1. Your Dh will probably try to steal your precious post delivery toast and tea.

That it's going to be just as awful second time round as first time round even if you have a 'textbook' delivery.

E.g. baby at home with no pain relief, tearing etc.

Acually, perhaps that's where I went wrong...by not having any pain relief.

That you may not get an epidural even if you beg for one

IME Starlight is right. I was in agonising pain for hours but barely 2cm dilated. As I was on a natural birth unit they had no pain relief, but the midwife was so concerned that eventually she gave me diamorphine. I will be forever grateful to that midwife. It didn't fully take the pain away, but it allowed me to cope, to rest, and as Starlight says, re-gather my strength. It was the most wonderful wonderful thing.

That it didn't feel like a giant poo at all(even though everyone says it does).

Moving around is good especially if you are a slow dilator.

The hypno-birthing CD really worked/helped.

When contractions started at 6pm I should have gone for a nap while I could, but I enjoyed the lovely dinner party anyway.

That using a birth centre (instead of (hospital) was best choice ever.

You don't need to buy all the crap you are told to buy. DD is 27 months & I still haven't used half the cotton wool I read was essential for a new born.

Starlight, I never said NO pain relief, I was talking about certain types. And of course women should make their own decision, any health professional who denies a distressed labouring woman some form of pain relief should not be in that profession. I can not speak for all midwives but im sure 99% would agree.....what we cant help is the individual hospital policies which govern us.

Agree Starlight. I was induced after going into hospital at midnight with labour pains every 3-4 minutes and vomiting (was aweek overdue too) but then contractions slowed and examination showed no dilation. I was kept in overnight and then in the morning they decided to induce. So I had been in pain from about 5 o clock in the Monday evening before going in and then did not actually give birth until Wednesday morning. I was not given any pain relief other than paracetemol until I was dilated enough for them to break my waters in the very early hours of Wednesday morning (labour then only took a few hours). I had an epidural at about 1.30 that morning and promptly fell asleep before waking up as the head was coming. That bit of sleep was all I had since the Sunday night. Iwas in agony from the internals and the full on contractions that inducing can bring but was not 'allowed' anyhting stronger than a paracetemol. If I had not managed that tiny bit of sleep I would not have had the strength to deliver, even then it was a close thing. He was over 10lbs and very long so was not easy! I would have given my right arm for some proper relief that would have enabled me to rest and then 'enjoy' or at least tolerate my delivery. I do not have good memories of that birth.

I completely realise what you are saying and I have done much research in the field of post traumatic stress disorder following childbirth. There are certain cases at my hospital where we would give an eidural at 2cm, but it is definite that a woman in such a senario will be layed on the bed for the duration of the labour and recovery, highly likely that a woman will go on to need their waters breaking, a hormone drip, constant monitoring, and very possibly risk increased blood loss, instumental or CS delivery and baby becomming very distressed.

This is not a scare tactic, I think epidurals are fantastic for some women and would suggest them in some labours. However I am also aware of the risks associated and belive there is a right time to administer them, this is always dependant on the labour and the woman and the risk to benefit ratio should always be considered and fully discussed with women.

I am more than aware of the severity of pain felt by some women in labour, but i also believe that this is enhanced much of the time by how a woman is treated and cared for and poor management of labour (by health professionals), if we can win that battle women are empowered and able to take control. Again Im not saying this works for every woman but every woman should be given the opportunity at least.

Starlight, even epidurals don't work for every woman. I have heard this many times. I agree that a woman's need for pain relief should not be based on the extent to which she is dilated, but at the same time just whopping on the pain relief at full blast early on is often not beneficial and can lead to avoidable complications - I think that's what faye was saying.

There was a fascinating programme about pain management on the radio last night, where people in a setting with excellent (and sadly rare) medical support for chronic back pain are taught to manage their levels of pain - not labour pain, mind. But if good medical care can enable a frightened woman to manage her pain better in the early stages, and this results in less intervention at a later stage, the outcome will be better for the woman, wouldn't you agree? So surely it's not just a question of giving pain relief as soon as it's asked for, but actually the issue should be the overall standard of medical support for labouring women - both before and during labour.

Pain is frightening, I make no bones about that, but medical intervention does not come without its own complications. If a frightened woman in labour can be helped to manage her pain better and avoid those complications, why shouldn't she be offered non-medical support first? It's often fear which exacerbates the experience of pain, so dealing with those fears and enabling the woman to truly relax can transform her experience of pain.

I write this, by the way, as a woman who was absolutely terrified of the very idea of labour for 20 years. I put a huge amount of effort into tackling my fears before giving birth, and it transformed me. I frequently hear pregnant women saying that they're not going to prepare at all for the pain, they'll just deal with it when the time comes. I always find this extremely concerning and I wonder whether these women, being so ill-prepared, are more likely to suffer from the sorts of problems you're writing about than women who do prepare. Do you think that's possible?

That your midwife and other staff will not give a stuff about you if you are not in 'established labour'. They will generally treat you like a whining child, despite the fact that you've been having highly painful contractions every 10 minutes for 45 hours and have missed two nights of sleep.

DD was back to back, but the general view of the staff was that I was a first time mother complaining about nothing.

I know I sound bitter (and I am ), but I really wasn't prepared for the dismissive attitude and everything I'd learned in NCT pretty much went out the window as a result of feeling so undermined.