What are the three things you wish you had known before going into labour?

[BigGLittleG]

The subject pretty much sums it up!

i agree preparing and knowing what you want is key..and not panicing too..i think going with the flow and not fighting my body was the key to mine plus i refused to stay still was doing my washing and alsorts whilst in labour with my 3rd..and was outa bed putting the washing on about 20mins after birth with my 4th..i was told off by my then mil but i saw no reason to hang around.

1, That if you're calm, no one will listen to you when things start to happen

2, That just because it would be "very rare" for things to be happening so fast does not mean that it's not happening

3, That I would shake loads afterwards even though I felt fine (adrenalin?)

i shook too..think it was a mixture of feeling cold and too much gas and air. I remember saying i wamnted to push with my 1st and being told not to be silly cause 5 mins earlier i was only 7cm. Listen to your body i always say to any first timer..and your the one feeling it.

I LOVE this thread and I'm only a third of teh way in. THANK YOU OP!!!!

Oh many more than 3

1/ That induction does not always lead to a quick birth.

2/ You will not always have the same midwife the whole way through labour/delivery. I was in the delivery suite for 20 hours.

3/ She who yells loudest gets the only epidural in the hospital. Apparently

4/ Even with an epidural if you feel an unusual pain let the midwife know. She kept telling me to push and I kept saying I couldn't as I could feel my bladder. I was right, my cathater was not draining and I was on the cusp of bursting my bladder

5/ You will sweat more than you can imagine for the week after labour. Nice!

Bitcat - Wow, speedy finish! I wish I'd been more vocal. I surprised them by going from 2-3cm to giving birth in less than 4 hours! Problem is that when it's your first, you don't know what's going on...

That 'allow' is not a word that should ever be used with a competent adult (i.e having things like pethidine and an episiotomy forced on me was actually assault)

The true depth and meaning of 'cascade of intervention'

That I would have been far better off at home........!

That 2nd time round I could make it all perfect with some bloody minded insistance, good information and fantastic care

(I would also like to be a month in the future looking back on a perfect birth with number 3 at home in water and knowing that he did eventually turn and not come out bum first....I have a 36 weeker breech currently!)

Ummmm how many is that i could go on forever!

Last but not least....I wish I had done 3 years antenatal eductation diploma prior to first baby not 3rd....LOL

1. That being induced is equivilant to medieval torture.

1. That apparently you do not have to be strapped to a bed for 9 hours and denied even water when induced.. (why didn't they tell mee that at the time!)

1. That after having the pediatrician attending the birth turn out to be a friends husband would lead me to think 'Oh no, that man has seen my .....' every time I see him. (Thanks Dr Nick!)

1. That your first wee after the birth will REALLY REALLY sting
2. That your insides won't fall out when you do your first poo after the birth
3. That all the blood is normal

1. That the baby can feel like it's going back again after a push. (It's really gutting.)

2. That prolonged rupture of membranes (greater than 24 hours - my waters broke 43 hours before they bothered to let me stay in hospital, and 51 before DS was born) means I should be on antibiotics during labour. As it was I then tested positive for GBS and DS was on antibiotics for days and therefore not eating and that could have been avoided if they'd only followed the NICE guidelines and their own directives.

3. That it's not enough to ask for an epidural in good time for one to be administered. Apparently I wasn't insistent enough, and not far enough along to need one (I think I thought it a good idea to ask in good time so they could find the anaesthetist because they're often busy with caesars and other ladies). By the time I asked again it was too late. But in hindsight, I didn't need it.

4. To take spare TENS machine pads - mine fell apart on me. (The batteries lasted right through from 3am Sat to 8am Mon though!)

And something I knew, but didn't appreciate. Pelvic floor exercises are REALLY REALLY REALLY important.

1st time round -
that despite an easy pg, easy labour you can still spend a week in hospital if the baby's not ok
that the mw & even bf specialists can be useless in helping with bf
2nd time -
That if you're having homebirth to call for a midwife early enough for her to be able fetch G&A from the hospital on the way.. (no they don't carry it in the car)

That having a shower for the first half hour of labour would mean there wasn't enough hot water to fill up the birthing pool..

That we do actually have an immersion heater it's just the switch for it is only visible from underneath (something I didn't discover til ds2 was 6wks old)...

3rd time - that a hot curry would not only set it all off but give me the squits as well..!

1. that c-sections can happen to anyone for any reason, even if you are the fittest person ever (and also that they don't have to be the end of the world) and ultimately - they can be the reason why both we and our babies don't die in childbirth.

2. when you get home, DON'T decide to clean the entire house from top to bottom while the baby sleeps in the car seat in the sitting room. especially if you've just had a c-section.

3. for a week or two afterwards, don't do anything which doesn't involve feeding your baby, resting, or feeding yourself. others can do everything else. i made that mistake. in the kitchen on day 4, mil said "i didn't put anything away because i didn't know where it went". my kitchen is the size of my little finger. i looked down and smiled and thought "this isn't how i want to be as a mother to my dd - learn from this"

The one thing I wish I'd known is that if you are planning a 'natural' birth, your caregivers may (understandably) leave you to get on with it without much interference.
BUT, it's really OK to ask for help, guidance, direction, reassurance etc. Even if you don't want more drugs, and even if everything is OK with you and the baby, don't feel that you have to do it all alone.

I learned this the hard way from a home birth where the midwives kept a respectful distance when I could really have done with more help. When I couldn't really go on anymore, they stepped in and guided me through the last phase. This kind of 'direction' should be on the menu along with gas and air, pethidine etc.

I am staggered by this thread - as a mother, as a woman and as a HCP!!

What has been brought home to me again by this thread :

1. Every single labour/delivery experience is different: even if the process 'on paper' looks the same ie vag delivery or instrumental delivery or CS, the actual experience can be v different depending on individual circumstances

1. That traumatic experiences are more likely to be shared than good experiences - thank goodness there are some good'uns on here too

1. That NOTHING can really, truly, entirely prepare you for the experience of birth until you've actually done it

Fab thread!!

1. G&A makes you very thirsty! Explain this to your birth partner, or person handing you the water, to avoid snatching/screaming for more!

2. Jokes about designer vaginas are not a good idea when they're stitching you up! They may take it a bit too seriously and try to make you a virgin again....

3. The contractions continue after the baby is out! This is normal apparently, though scared the bejesus out of me!

Though none of it really matters, and it wouldn't put you off doing it again!

I'm also in the TENS fan club...

1. That you will feel really really sick for most of your labour.

2. That the first stage would feel like one 10 hour contraction with hardly any let up in the pain at all.

3. As confused1sttimemum said, if the MWs decide, for reasons known only to them, that you're not in established labour despite not having examined you, they will completely ignore your pleas of being in horrendous pain (continuously, as 2) above) until you end up screaming the place down and "frightening the other women".

1. The sweating thing afterwards, like Lozza said. Woke up soaking every night for ages afterwards. Pleasant.

1. That ikea washable pillow protectors are essential items if you're planning to breastfeed your first DC. You have to learn together (or sadly not, in our case) and in the mean time the milk somehow gets EVERYWHERE.

1. That the tail end of lochia is yellowish and very very watery. I honestly thought I'd become incontinent.

1. That if you have a 3rd degree tear, when you go for your follow up appointment the doctor will stick his finger up your bum and ask you to squeeze it and that by then you'll be so used to being poked, prodded and generally violated in ways you never thought possible, you won't even care very much....

1. That having a doula there was worth every single penny she charged us (and there were a lot of pennies)

More than 3 things sorry!

Another vote for tens = rubbish btw.

Oh, and another thing. When your first labour is only four hours, and you think you've set some sort of record, then you will hear later from lots of aunties/random shop assistants/distant family friends who were only three hours and you will wonder why you hadn't heard all their stories when you thought you might need to take sandwiches...

I had two days in hospital, so about 5 midwives over time, and the only one who wasn't absolutely fantastic was the last one. She was okay, just not fantastic.

There's rumblings that they'll make home birth illegal soon, here in Australia, so I am grateful for all you midwives out there fighting the good fight for our autonomy and choices.

Starlight, I'm so sorry to hear about your child's recent diagnosis, that must be quite a weight to bear at the moment.

The Italy/ Holland thing was someone saying exactly what you said as an analogy for becoming a mother - that everyone's bording a plane for Italy and you've prepared to go there, learned the language, etc, then when you get off you find that you're in Holland (i.e. that you have a disabled child) but everyone else has gone to Italy. It wasn't about the person's current location.

1 That having an epidural is heaven.
2 That having a c section is a relief after labouring for 27 hours and I would just feel relief my baby was healthy.
3 That a scan a month before suggesting my baby was average sized does not mean you will not give birth to a 10 pound plus baby.

And it is the best thing in the world to see that baby.

nobody told me about having my waters burst, which was horrible, the worst part of the whole thing for me.

they told me if i had to have a section i would be in for a week. They let me out after 1 day, oh with a infection and my stiches opening back up, with NO painkillers!

That i would have to beg a doctors and nurses to help me for 3 weeks before someone would actually listen, and realise there might actually be something wrong.

that ringing the bell does not mean someone will come or if they do that they will be useful

that most HCPs are worse than useless with when faced with any breastfeeding hiccup.

that your birth notes will later read like a work of fiction.

antenatally, that if you actually inform yourself and ask your midwife intelligent questions she will become put off by your questioning.

most inductions are for the hospital's convenience, not for you or your baby's well being and that most are either ineffectual or horrid.