For those of you who wrote negative things to Ema76 about her CS will you please read this.....

[Shooflypie]

because I am really, really shocked by some of the things that were said to her. I am repeating some of what I wrote on the original post on the basis that I think this issue is important.

I recently had an el cs for exactly the same reasons as Ema76. My mother had a 48 hour labour, forceps delivery, severe tearing which led to incontinence in later life (and further operations), was sectioned with severe PND, which lasted for over a year.

She said it was the worst thing that ever happened to her.

My experience was that my consultant took my fear of VB VERY seriously and his view was that a VB would put me at risk of PND and not bonding with my baby. (And btw I am perfectly robust in all respects other than this particular issue.)

I did have counselling, which was great and sorry but their goal is NOT to persuade you out of a CS as some posters assume.

I had an elcs and it was a fantastic experience. And the recovery was fine. And DS did NOT having breathing difficulties and he DID BF while I was still in the theatre.

Please take note of the following in particular:
A significant additional part of my anxiety and distress prior to the cs being offered, was that I was afraid of other women being judgemental of me.

I was so afraid of this I considered lying about the reasons for having a cs, or even trying for a VB (in the hope it would end in an em cs).

Due to a clued up consultant, a hospital psychologist, and a wonderfully supportive DP, I had the birth that was right for me and it has got our life as a family off to a flying start.

I am now very upfront about why I did have an el cs in the hope that it will be helpful to women like Ema.

I really don't understand why having a VB matters SO MUCH to some people that they think it is OK to behave with such viciousness to a pg woman? Or anyone.

Please will you reflect on the experience that I've outlined here and maybe try to be a bit more empathetic when someone tells you she wants a CS.

And bear in mind that a consultant and a pychologist took the opposite view to you.

i'm going to take the dog for a walk.

tbh many tones and comments not just ema have been unpleasant.so collective responsibility, rather than one named individual

Ah well in the style of a true playground scrap
'Em started it'

i have to be honest DKMA, i was like Ema when i was told i might need a cs - there was just no way - i told them i would deliver breech vaginally if i had to regardless of the risks - this is what i should have bore in mind when i was posting all those links about risks, - i was prepared to risk it vor a vaginal birth, i was so petrified of a cs.

i dont think ema was unpleasant, she thanked me fo my opinions even though they weren't asked for.

by the way i think my tone was good until i started to get upset and cross at people who thought i was not doing what they consider to be the 'best thing' and continued on that subject like a dog with a bone. i am my own person. people do not always agree. that is life. but the bottom line is i did not ask for that or for people to be rude, i just asked about getting a cs in wales advise, as wanted tips and help the night before my appointment.

anyway talking of dogs she has the lead.....

i might have been firm and insisted on my view but i was never personal and rude to anyone on the thread.

Okay then Em
Whatever you say!
Keep thinking that all these people started bullying you because they are anti CS and not that you were in anyway rude / arrogant / or unpleasant at all.

she was slightly dismissive of people who were cramming an opinion she hadn't asked for down her throat
she thanked people who answered her op

Yes, I remember that thread DKMA Phew, that was a real scrum!

No hard feelings whatsoever, though, and same goes for everyone else I disagree with/have ever disagreed with on MN. As it happens, I DON'T agree with you again, DKMA, but I think I have said quite enough on Mumsnet for a bit, so I am off to lie down in a darkened room!

Sorry, Ema, for momentarily doubting you were real (appointments obviously move faster in Wales than here in the Big Smoke!)
and, um...have a good weekend everyone.

PS - Don't leave Mumsnet, Ema. It's really good - honest. Just gets a bit rough sometimes.

I think all women are different and whichever way THEY decide to birth THEIR baby is the right way for THEM. There is no right and wrong way to bring a bubba into this world, just as long as they get here ok. Good Luck Ema, Always here if you need a shoulder. I was targeted afew months back when i asked a question about weaning i was really made to feel awful about my decisions. i still stand by them because i know whats best for my child like you know whats best in your situation.
Take care xxx

that is SUCH guff, unless you're psychic.

Hello everyone,

I must add to this that op's message is something I could have written myself!
I really do feel shocked and sad because the method of one's birth seems to be such an issue for other women who don't even know these people or their babies or families and what's the best option for them.

I started a similar thread to Ema's about a year ago (How to get a c-section) and it came to a huge heated conversation completed with judging, pitying and blaming me for being selfish and unfit to become a mother. (also some supportive comments)

I then decided to withdraw myself from the internet conversations and get my support and knowledge elsewhere, which was clever move.

I still read mumsnet and value it's vast experience base but do take people's opinions and advice with a pinch of salt because we are all individuals and obviously draw from our own experience. Everyone is different and what suits one doesnt suit another.
Let people make their own decisions.

For the love of Christ ladies!

Yes, many of you disagree or didnt like the OPs tone, but I was pretty wound up when pregnant with my first as I'm sure were many of you.

Can we not be a little bit kinder to a pregnant woman who is having very real fears about childbirth?

Ema, I really wouldnt feel you need to keep justifying yourself on this thread. You're pregnant, you should be taking care of yourself, not wasting energy arguing with harpies strangers on the internet.

You have made your choice, you are certain it is what you want, and if your consultant agrees then that is that.

My section was a fantastic experience, and everyone was shocked after having had the fear of God put into them that after a section you were incapacitated for weeks.

My little girl was born first thing (9am), whereupon I had tea and toast and was asking when I could get out of bed after a few hours!

You do not need to justify your choice to anyone if you are certain it is right for you. It is between you, your partner and your consultant.

Congratulations and all the very best.

it is a bit bizarre that a woman seeking a homebirth/active birth etc is judged as 'empowered' whereas woman like me who chose a CS are deemed to be arrogant, selfish and generally the scum of the earth.

I agree Highlander.

Sections seem such a hugely emotive issue on here. If your consultant agrees that it is the best option for you then surely that is what matters? I think that a genuine phobia of childbirth is valid grounds for a section. For some women childbirth is an empowering experience, for others it is truly traumatic, hence the existence of a Birth Trauma Association.

If I posted about seeking a nanny I wouldn't expect people to come on and say I shouldn't be going back to work and then get stroppy when I say I had already made my mind up and I just wanted practical advice.

So why is it that people feel it is their right to tell others how they should give birth? Why tell a complete stranger what they should or shouldnt be doing with their vagina?

I can't believe this is still going on!

Ditto MrsMattie - I was so relieved when I thought it died over the weekend but no, on Tuesday everyone started chuntering again... can't we drop it? The OP got her section sometime last week and like everyone is saying, it's her choice; who cares. But these "Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells" type posts keep appearing at the top of the board!

So don't open them!

-Disgusted of TW