Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Original poster

New mum and getting 10 hours sleep while the dad is doing the night feeds

269 replies

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

OP posts:

Coconutter24 · 26/02/2025 12:24

She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed

She’s sleeping most of the day too

So is she getting up at 9am all refreshed or is she sleeping all day too or is she getting up at 9 then maybe sleeping when the baby does? How do you know what’s happening? Has the DH spoke to you?

Completelyjo · 26/02/2025 12:25

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

I mean literally no one would think twice if the mum was doing all the night feeds 2 weeks in. Your concern seems a bit overblown

arethereanyleftatall · 26/02/2025 12:25

Since you clearly aren't this woman's friend, in any sense of the word whatsoever, we are left to guess who you are, and mother of the husband would be the obvious choice.

Are you and/or your husband in any position to help if your son is struggling with caring for a newborn and simultaneously a poorly wife?

Pleasegodgotosleep · 26/02/2025 12:28

I would be concerned for mum in case of PND if she's sleeping all the time.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 26/02/2025 12:29

I think this is fine, having taken the opposite approach myself.

I sent DH off to sleep in the spare room so I could cosleep more comfortably, and summoned him via Alexa if I needed more help.

I didn't have to lift a finger during the day, and he facilitated all my napping so that I could handle the night shift.

It wasn't our plan (I've saved that so we can have a laugh now and then), it was just what we worked out working for us.

Yes, he'll be tired. I'm sure he'll cope, whilst she recovers from birth.

hairyunicorn · 26/02/2025 12:30

Take it the OP is not coming back.

Lol, you all didn't give her the response she was looking for!

Shetlands · 26/02/2025 12:30

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

You said she's getting up at 9am all refreshed...🤔

RobinEllacotStrike · 26/02/2025 12:32

will no one think of the men who might get a bit tired on paternity leave?

Comfortable8520 · 26/02/2025 12:33

Wow, the woman just gave birth! Leave her alone and let her recover please.

AppleCelebration · 26/02/2025 12:36

You’re the husbands mother aren’t you?

RedPandaLove · 26/02/2025 12:37

OP with a massive lack of context you sound very judgmental and you either don’t really know the full picture yourself or you’ve chosen not to give us the full picture here. PP have suggested many reasons for the couple’s arrangements here. I highly doubt the new mum is sleeping all day and night, but if she is, then I’d be a better “friend” and be concerned whether new mum has PND or offer your support.

Boopeedoop · 26/02/2025 12:37

I was very poorly after my 2nd birth, my husband was phenomenal and knew I needed sleep to recover. He did the night feeds for the baby so I could recover well. I'm eternally grateful to him, nearly 24 years on!

OhSoSharkie · 26/02/2025 12:43

A parent is parenting his baby.

Absolutely no issue what so ever with this. It's just role reversal and you seem very set in gender stereotypes, which is the issue here.

BlossomOfOrange · 26/02/2025 12:44

JoyousEagle · 26/02/2025 10:43

Tbf, when women in that situation post on MN, they are told their husbands are useless.

But that's in a situation where both are working, and no one is recovering from labour. I'd assume in this case the dad is on leave.

Show quote history

Also not a fair comparison due to the physical effort the woman has gone through, that the man hasn’t.

edit - read too quickly and missed that you said labour so my note adds nothing! Frankly, too tired hence missing out words, due to years of an unequal division of labour in our house - take heed op, support your friend to have what she deserves and what works for her family, otherwise she might end up like me!

honeylulu · 26/02/2025 12:44

I would be concerned that she is actually unwell. It's not normal to sleep 10 hours at night and sleep a lot of the day too. It doesn't sound like she is "refreshed" by her might time sleep at all!

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 26/02/2025 12:50

honeylulu · 26/02/2025 12:44

I would be concerned that she is actually unwell. It's not normal to sleep 10 hours at night and sleep a lot of the day too. It doesn't sound like she is "refreshed" by her might time sleep at all!

Yup sounds like potentially a physical problem from giving birth or PND.

Are you offering support OP?

BiscuitsBooks · 26/02/2025 12:51

I'm not sure what you mean by asking if it's normal. Do you mean normal as in common? I would imagine it's fairly common for one person only to be doing the night feeds. It's common for new mums to feel exhaustion after giving birth.
Unless you're sleeping in the same house as new mum and dad, OP, how do you know what's actually going on?

jolota · 26/02/2025 12:51

It sounds like you don't know the exact circumstances that might have led to this set up. Agree with others that if she's sleeping all day and night she might be unwell.
Is the mum giving you this information and you're judging her or is the dad complaining to you?
Why are you involved? What are you hoping to achieve?

Mumofoneandone · 26/02/2025 12:52

Concerning situation, definitely needs medical intervention to ensure she is ok, equally she could just be being completely selfish.......Thank goodness the father is stepping in but he is clearly struggling if he's asking for help and not getting it. He also needs some medical support for himself.

takealettermsjones · 26/02/2025 12:53

This is your DIL isn't it?

Either your son's exaggerating or your DIL needs some help.

sprytiger · 26/02/2025 12:53

I know the dad in a relationship like this although their baby is a bit older now. I have wondered if the mum is ok but I don't know them enough to probe. The dad returned to work after 2 weeks, arranging to be in the office in the mornings then WFH in the afternoons (shortish commute). He says he does all the night feeds then gets up, takes the baby to his mothers place nearby who has the baby (from newborn) for the morning then collects him on the way home at lunch time. Dad looks absolutely shattered everytime I see him.

Lostworlds · 26/02/2025 12:54

I think there might be a lot more to this story than the info you’ve given.

We do not know their situation and no one should be judging. There might be something going on that the new mum needs the sleep or the new dad may have suggested he does it all until he returns to work.

If you have major concerns that the baby needs mummy time then why not check in and see if there’s anything you can do to help them both to get some rest.

GroovyChick87 · 26/02/2025 12:54

If they're both happy with arrangement then it's fine. However, personally I could never sleep through my newborns crying and I'd still be on high alert no matter how tired I was.

IHatePumping88 · 26/02/2025 12:55

She had to carry the baby for 9 months and then give birth. Which she now has to recover from. Dad being sleep deprived for 2 weeks really is NOTHING in comparison to what she's done. Baby gets cuddles from dad and then mom in the day. Sounds perfect.

IHatePumping88 · 26/02/2025 12:56

Dad should sleep when the baby sleep.

Or is that piece of shit advice only given to women because we know it doesn't work?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Swipe left for the next trending thread