New mum and getting 10 hours sleep while the dad is doing the night feeds

[Elizabeth2018]

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

Is this a weird reverse?

Let me guess... you're the mother of the dad.

He's probably got 2 weeks paternity leave. Doing his bit. Don't see the problem. It's none of your business.

Why is this any of your business OP?

Who are you in this scenario OP? I would hazzard a guess new dads mum.
I guess he will go back to work then she will need to get it all together with baby care. Without being a fly on the wall it's always hard to get the full story as the facts can become skewed or over done creating drama where there isn't any.

@Elizabeth2018 your first post reads that the dad is doing all the night feeds so the mum is “refreshed” to cope with the daytime care. I would say this is perfectly normal and a healthy balance of parenting.

However, It’s not normal for a new mum to have no interest in caring for baby at all. If she is asleep all day and all night and has no interest in looking after baby (which is what your subsequent posts suggest) then I suggest the dad gently raises this with her and her midwifery/ healthcare visitor

No they need to share the load somehow.

I wouldn't necessarily believe it when a man tells you how much he does though. especially with regard to domestic chores. They do have a tendancy to exaggerate.

It's not a bad thing if she is using his 2 weeks paternity to recover from labour.

I think it's not up to you to judge

Is this the mother in law posting? Bloody rascal! Get over there and lend a hand.

This a reverse, surely

The baby is most likely getting lots of cuddles from their other parent by the sounds of it, so don’t worry about that.

Sounds like the poor mum needs some help, PND is so common, especially around that time. I think I had it and didn’t realise it.

Studies have shown that couples who split the nightly childcare evenly (no matter who works) have the strongest relationships that least likely split up.

This is just plain weird. PND?

It is extremely normal. It just isn’t usually the dad who is doing it.

Where do you find men like this? Asking for a friend 😆

She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed

She’s sleeping most of the day too

So she's refreshed after a full night's sleep but then sleeping all day too?

and how is this your business?

Why bother starting a thread with such little detail?

Reverse

Personally I think it's a bit lazy. Fair enough the father helping out but I'd want to feed my baby, help settle them during the night during the day. And I say this as someone who had an opposite experience to the one described in the OP and really struggled.

Depends how the birth went. Mine was very bad and I was extremely unwell for several weeks after. Husband did the night feeds for a time.

You won’t necessarily know if it was a bad birth. I didn’t talk about it.

It very much depends on the finer details of their situation. My XH did this when we had DD. He was on paternity leave for a few weeks. I'd had a difficult pregnancy and was recovering from a c-section. He tackled nights, so I could get a good sleep, and then he'd get his sleep during the day. This meant that by the time he did go back to work, I was as well recuperated as I could be, and took over the majority of night feeds.

One hundred percent you're the MIL 🥱 so transparent haha

All women should be entitled to a solid chunk of sleep to recover post-birth. I remain gobsmacked by how we expect mothers who have been labouring in extreme pain for hours or maybe days or who have undergone serious surgery to then care 24/7 for a newborn, often with very little help.

I have absolutely no problem with a woman coming out of hospital and saying to her partner, "I'm exhausted, bleeding and can hardly walk due to extensive stitches. You're covering nights for the next week or so".

That said, if a new mother was sleeping the whole time and uninterested in her baby, I'd be concerned for both their welfares and suggesting seeking help. "Lazy" is not the first conclusion I'd leap to.

And tbh I think it's fine for an immediately postpartum mum to refuse to share nights. Even getting out of bed can be painful and difficult.

💯