Overwhelmed - Husband is against getting induced!

[kakashixxkillua]

Hi all! I'm currently 38w+0d today. We went to see a hospital consultant recently as my baby was plotting as big in the growth scans - 96th percentile. Note, I have no health risk or underlying medical issues, it's just baby is** measuring too large. The hospital consultant strongly urged I opt for either an induction or an elective c section, I went for the induction. It's all booked in for 39w (next Monday). DH couldn't make it to this appointment and so when I filled him in he was furious as he's anti medical interventions, alongside his entire family. My MIL is also very opinionated on my decision

Anyways, was just looking for some positive induction stories from you guys as I've been around a lot of negativity and criticism recently and started to regret my choice. Or is there a way I can naturally induce myself before 39w?

Thanks x

Hun u need to get in touch with ur hospital or midwife asap and MAKE IT CLEAR that u are going ahead with induction or section. You need to be clear to them dad doesn't agree and this is YOUR choice.
Then when u come into hospital the labour suite staff are aware of ur partners controlling ways and beliefs and they will make sure that you are the boss with everything. I work in maternity theatres and the staff do try to include dad too as much but the bottom line is mum and baby are the patients. If the midwives have a heads up about dad and his behaviour they will give u a midwife who is experienced to deal with dads like yours. In other words her can sit and spout out what he thinks is right, and it will be of no consequence and she will only do what u want and say. And she will tell him that too.

Just popped in to wish you the best of luck with your birth, OP. I trust you will follow the excellent advice on here to have the birth of your baby and all its subsequent medical care, as recommended by the professionals.

Absolutely, ensure you are clear with all your medical team that you will be guided by them, and that your husband and his mother's differing opinions must be ignored.

Is he going to be difficult about you receiving pain relief too?

I didn't know that. We stayed in hospital for a couple of weeks, as caught Sepsis the day after giving birth, they said infection got into wound where placenta came away from, and I couldn't understand when they first told me, where the infection could've come from in a sterile environment 😅
Turned out to be from Strep A, they thought from nursery school, so whole family was given antibiotics.
But didn't know about the poo thing until now.

Forget induction - in the circumstances I'd go straight for an elective c section. Much less likely for you to be a traumatic birth, if that's what your MIL is fearing.

When he's able to give birth, he can make the decision. Until such times, he can grow up.

Who in their right mind would be against protecting the health of both mother and child! They don't recommend intervention lightly.

I have read your latest update and happy he is more understanding now.
I wanted to share my induction after a c-section story with you.
I had a section with my eldest as she has a medical condition. Her neuro surgeon talked us through everything and we decided the section would be the safest.
Fast forward to second baby I had pre eclampsia and they needed the baby out for her safety (and mine) but because I'd had the section they couldn't use a pessary (according to them once it's in it's in and if the contractions came too strong they can't control it and could tear the section scar) so they broke my waters. The plan was to see how that went then pop me on a drip of oxytocin. However that wasn't needed. I had my waters broken at 8.30 am, first contraction at 11.15 and she was born at 4.20pm so just shy of 8hrs start to finish.
We had no complications at all but this could have been a different story if I hadn't listened to medical advice.
I went in to labour naturally with my third (massive baby) at 41+2 a 10lb shoulder dystocia birth was the result and if I could go back in time knowing what I do now would 100% push for an induction at 38 weeks to avoid my son having his clavicle broken me having 4th degree tear and an hour long surgery to be stitched back up ( I am forever grateful to that surgeon for his amazing repair of my vagina without his skills I may have been incontinent for life)
Good luck Mamma... you got this!!!

Herd immunity created by vaccination, won’t be protecting your new born from her father or grandmother. Does he realise that?

I really couldn’t live with an anti vaxxer , all the ones I’ve met are nuts .

I had an induction with my first as id gone over 40 weeks placentas don't last forever. Had baby a few hours later me and him were absolutely fine and healthy my ob was the head honcho then and had delivered a few thousand babies hadn't lost one. I have a high pain barrier but for some ladies its more painful i know my daughters was. The obs don't do them willy nilly if you can avoid a c section do try. As for mil its newt to do with her or family members you don't need you're husbands consent. Hell you don't need him at the birth if you don't want you're body you're choice. Anybody has anything to say just say with a dead pan face you want a live child not a dead one. Theirs no shame in it did any family members get induced if so they've no room to talk. Also don't listen to anybody about how to make yourself go into labour naturally as nothing works people say it does but nah there body's were ready its not recommended either. Hubbys quite welcome to have a vasectomy with no medical intervention lol

This ^

What an absolute tosspot!! I feel furious on your behalf! It is none of his business to hive you his opinion on how you give birth. Seriously, what the hell does he know? Is he a specialist gynaecologist/maternity consultant? If not, then his opinion is not valid. How dare he go against the advice of a consultant. That's so arrogant and ignorant. He's not the one who has to push something the size of a melon through something the size of a lemon! How dare he be furious with the induction date that you have been given because it's inconvenient for him! Does he not realise how these things work and how a baby comes through a variety of means and doesn't particularly care for other people's diaries. At least he's been given a date so has some certainty to plan. I appreciate that you are vulnerable right now, but you absolutely do not need your DH and your MIL sticking their oars in and not backing you up. I would have gone ballistic.

You need to work toward moving closer to your family. Do not stay in the city you're currently living in. This is really, really important. You are completely vulnerable to these cranks as long as they have you and the baby isolated from your support system. I cannot overstate the diligence you need to put in to make sure this happens.

Make plans to go and stay with your own family when the baby is born, for at least a month.

Your H is enmeshed with his mother and unable to separate emotionally from her. His relationship with her comes first. Make sure you do your utmost to move back to your own native place, and make sure you do not end up financially dependent on this man.

i think you’ll have a difficult future ahead
but theses beliefs haven’t come from nowhere
right or wrong (wrong) this is him and it can’t be a surprise
you must of know this was in the horizon yet you went ahead with having a child then complain
this will rise it’s head time and time again

My baby ‘measured’ 10lbs at exactly 40 weeks. When he was born at 42 weeks he was 8lbs. they do get size wrong a lot if there is a more fluid etc. However he should be kindly supporting you with this difficult decision not railroading what you want to do. I had an induction (the drip) 2; hours after waters broke and it was fine. Pushed baby out with minimal tearing. Wouldn’t advocate for it as have had much nicer home births without medical intervention but it wasn’t the worst.

my baby was on 98th centile apparently and was induced at 38 weeks...erm yeh he was 5lb 6oz

Make plans to go and stay with your own family when the baby is born, for at least a month.

Your H is enmeshed with his mother and unable to separate emotionally from her. His relationship with her comes first. Make sure you do your utmost to move back to your own native place, and make sure you do not end up financially dependent on this man.

^ this sounds like really important advice, your H is giving red flags at the moment about putting his own values first. Your own family bring around to help and being together with you as your child grows up will be so so helpful for you.

They can also get the size wrong the other way round. I was assured my first wasn’t big and he was 10lbs! I suppose there are so many variables that it’s hard to be precise.

Update

I've decided to move back home with my parents once baby is here. My sister is now staying in our spare room with my parents to follow suit on my induction date.

I'm not considering divorce, I just would like to be around a supportive network that is my friends and family during PP. My H does indeed have a toxic relationship with MIL - she was a single mum and takes her word as bible.. Also, I only found out he was unvaccinated when we went for our honeymoon.

I've let my midwife know about the entire ordeal too, we've got a birth plan written down and communicated it across ahead of time :) though H is super opinionated he wouldn't overstep the mark. wish me luck!

Thanks

Interesting update op. I suspect there are deeper issues at play which are only likely to become more apparent as your baby grows. I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg, in terms of red flag behaviours.

You may not want a divorce but I'd certainly recommend getting some counselling so you are skilled at maintaining strong boundaries when inevitable conflict arises. Good luck.

Sounds like a very sensible decision OP. Wishing you and your baby the very best of everything.

Many posters seems to be focusing only on size but there is also the issue of placental insufficiency as time goes on, and sometines there is still a plus or minus 2/52 of estimated due date so obviously the team err on the side of caution for the sake of the baby

I think you have made the right choice and am happy you have family supporting you.

Very best of luck and hope everything goes well for you.

You can sorted our DH, MIL and anything that needs to be sorted at a later time. Right now, you snd your baby are what matters.

Very sensible decision @kakashixxkillua

Best of luck to you OP

Wishing you all the best op