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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Please someone tell me it’s not THAT painful

314 replies

anmummy · 04/08/2023 18:20

Just watched an episode of one born every minute and this woman was SCREAMING, and I mean screaming from the top of her lungs. She was kicking the bed, trying to roll off of it, and was clearly in agonising uncontrollable unbearable pain. I’m due in 1 week!!! This is not what I needed to see 🤣 I’m so scared. someone tell me their positive stories. This is my first time. I know everyone has a different experience. I’m just hoping I can do this! I’m unbelievably scared now.

OP posts:
frangipani13 · 04/08/2023 18:34

i feel like getting into a good headspace is really important. I’ve had two babies - first experience was deeply unpleasant but I wasn’t mentally prepared and had very set ideas of how I wanted things to go. For the second I was more open minded to the different options and managed to get myself into a deeply relaxed state, so only needed gas and air and coped pretty well. If you can practice some meditation, watch YouTube videos on hypnobirthing and listen to the tracks as you fall asleep it might help, it certainly can’t hurt!

AlfietheSchnauzer · 04/08/2023 18:35

I'm sorry OP but I was screaming the hospital down, even after 2 epidurals (first one fell out). I did have complications though and the worst of the pain happened because I was being made to sit up straight for a spinal block incision whilst DD's head felt like it was coming out of my backside. So if you don't have any complications and have a successful Epidural then you may not feel much pain

piglet81 · 04/08/2023 18:36

Stop watching one born every minute - they amp up the drama to make good telly!

spitefulandbadgrammar · 04/08/2023 18:37

It was horrendous for me but she was back to back and I was exhausted. Instantly less painful once I had an epidural then a section. Went straight for the section for the second baby, labour was too much of a lottery. Had a friend who gave birth the same week who was start to finish 12 hours, no injuries, Instagram-perfect black and white portrait of her and her baby in the birthing pool. Obviously hated her!

Hypnobirthing can help you stay calm if it goes to shit, but isn’t actually pain relief and you can’t breathe a baby out while imagining flowers.

TwigTheWonderKid · 04/08/2023 18:38

With both my DCs births I kept waiting for it to get bad enough to need pain relief but it never did.

I thoroughly recommend reading May's Guide to Childbirth: Updated With New Material amzn.eu/d/j9sHyuH Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

Delphinium20 · 04/08/2023 18:38

Despite a day and half of labor w/ no drugs, I've had worse pain than childbirth. Once w/ a tooth and the other time w/ a gallbladder. With most labors, you get the contractions for seconds to a few minutes and then you get a break w/ no pain from between 20 minutes to up to one minute as labor progresses. It's painful to push out the baby, but it's also focused work w/ a goal of the pain going away, which it blissfully does when the baby comes out. For me, it was the exhaustion that was the most difficult part.

Afterwards, you have soreness and aches, but it's nothing like labor.

fluffytail · 04/08/2023 18:39

Absolutely no screaming here either. DH says I was very quiet throughout. I laboured for about 16 hours with just tens and it was only towards the end of this that it became so painful that I accepted the offer of an epidural. After that I was entirely pain free. From my perspective it felt like I had left the room and I remember very little of it.

Mojodojocasahaus · 04/08/2023 18:41

Have allllll the drugs - no one gives you a medal for struggling through it

cheezncrackers · 04/08/2023 18:41

It's very dependent on many things OP. I've given birth vaginally twice with no pain relief and I'd say the pain was manageable both times, but I have a reasonably high pain threshold and I'm very British - I wouldn't yell and scream unless I was actually dying! Some women are more comfortable with making a noise - so it depends a lot on your own personal style and what you find helps. I found mastering the breathing (deep breaths during contractions, panting during delivery) helped a lot. It also helps you to focus on something. First time can take a while, so pace yourself, focus on keeping calm and don't have anyone in the room that makes you feel anxious. If your partner is a drama queen, banish him/her to the corridor so you can focus on the job at hand.

Sheldoncoopersspot · 04/08/2023 18:42

My dd was born in the car park so no chance of pain relief. I could feel her head and was trying to hold her in like you would if you were desperate for the toilet it didn't really hurt and I felt so well I was out shopping 2 days later.

WWYDIYWMRN · 04/08/2023 18:45

I've had 3 very different births with first being 100% the worst. If it was that bad I wouldn't have had 2 more!

  1. Long, drawn out, no sleep for 48 hours, eventually induced for failure to progress. Had epidural and instantly fell asleep sitting up
  1. No pain relief, mobile throughout.
  1. Planned induction with entonox and 1 shot of diamorphine

For me, being mobile was the key. I was so looking forward to a water birth with DC3 until I found out I had to be induced and heavily monitored throughout

Fizzology · 04/08/2023 18:46

It's different for every woman and with every birth. Honestly, it's a sliding scale from screaming in anguish to 'bit of gas and air - look, baby!'.

Not every child has siblings. For some women, it's horrific, and they need pain relief or emergency c-section. And they do not do it again.

So relax. Just go in prepared for whatever may be. Positive but pragmatic. Ask for pain relief WELL BEFORE you absolutely can't go on without.

You and your baby will be just fine in the end. It is worth it!

heartbunny · 04/08/2023 18:47

Absolutely zero labour pains here... though I had c sections 😉
The key thing is that even though I had a very traumatic birth first time around (induced, category 1 section, resulting PTSD etc) despite that I still couldn't wait to have another almost straight away after! Started trying for our second only 18 months later and would 100% do it all over again.
It is one day, all the love and adventure that follows is worth it all and more. You'll be fine OP, it will be so so soooo worth it I promise! xx

DCINightingale · 04/08/2023 18:48

Another back to back labour here and it was the most unbearable pain, I don't think I made much noise but at one point I could barely see or hear, the pain was so all consuming. Epidural took that away and once DS was born that pain was just gone and now 5 years later just a distant memory. Be open minded to pain relief options, every one is different!

User6424678852 · 04/08/2023 18:49

I screamed the place down but afterwards was quite embarrassed about the amount of noise I made.

I think I was very scared of the prospect of uncontrollable pain, rather than actually experiencing horrible pain. The anticipated level of pain never actually came.

Eminybob · 04/08/2023 18:49

Yeah it hurts. The contractions more so than the actual birth, especially for me with number 2 who was induced.

But then it's over and you take home a beautiful baby. And lots of people go back for seconds, thirds etc so it can't be that bad can it?

justme2022 · 04/08/2023 18:51

I've had 2 inductions and it wasn't that bad. It's not the most fun I've ever had in my life but nowhere near as bad as I was expecting.

thenightsky · 04/08/2023 18:51

Dominoeffecter · 04/08/2023 18:28

Just take the pain relief when offered, you won’t get a medal for doing it without, although some people go on like you do 😂

Yeah this. I had pethidine and gas and air. I did not scream, but I think I might have groaned a couple of times. It was more of a really bad back ache that I couldn't remove by changing position.

ImthatBoleyngirl · 04/08/2023 18:53

I found the contractions much much worse than the actual birth. My 2nd was born in a pool and I didn't even realise he'd come out until the midwife told me 🤣

Mkgmum · 04/08/2023 18:53

It's painful in a weird way, nothing else I can really compare it to. I didn't feel like screaming, my first birth was very fast and more painful than my second. I had the drip that speeds things up. I only really made a sound when I was crowning that's the worst bit. But then the baby's nearly out so I was very motivated by that. I look back fondly on both births, I feel blessed to have done it twice. I'm having my third currently, I'd go for a natural birth if i didn't have complications but it'll be a c section this time. Kind of sad I won't be giving birth again to be honest as it's my last child. Everyone is different, I wish you luck with your pregnancy and birth x

LauraDLoves · 04/08/2023 18:53

I was fortunate with a relatively easy labour and found the pain quite manageable. To me contractions were no worse than period pain. However that says more about the fact I’d been having unnecessarily painful periods for years (I’m now on medication to stop them!). I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain and I’d have described the experience as more like hard work, akin to running a marathon - which is why it’s called labour after all!

Fleur405 · 04/08/2023 18:54

The problem is that everyone’s pain threshold is different so no one can really answer this question for you. Having had one birth with morphine and one with nothing but gas and air I can tell you I won’t be doing the latter again. Don’t think I was screaming but I definitely DID NOT enjoy it.

LT2 · 04/08/2023 18:54

Had my first 18 months ago. I can honestly say, it was much less painful and much easier than I expected! I immediately said, wow, I'd do that again once he was out. I was so surprised because I was absolutely petrified about the thought of giving birth. For years I would think about how much I wanted children but I was so scared to go through childbirth. Of course, everyone must have a different experience so you just never know how it'll be for you. My baby was 6lb 7oz, 8 days early, 4 hour labour - maybe his little size helped (although i still tore). I just needed gas and air for the last 20 minutes, and for stitching. I had torn in a few different places but no idea (you don't feel them happening!). I did hypnobirthing. Perhaps this also helped!

Exasperatednow · 04/08/2023 18:54

I've had two (second at home) with no pain relief, just water. 1st they made me get out. 2nd I had at home.

It was OK as long as I concentrated. I lost my concentration with no 1 and told the midwife I couldn't do it any more. She told me to pull myself together (very nicely but firmly) and after that I was ok.

I had a very quick recovery.

Every birth is different and you have to do what's right for you. It doesn't last for ever and afterwards you forget.

stayathomer · 04/08/2023 18:55

The sucky gas thing is your friend op. Yes it’s painful but you just have to keep remembering at the end there’s a baby x Best of luck and keep us informed x

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