Please someone tell me it’s not THAT painful

[anmummy]

Just watched an episode of one born every minute and this woman was SCREAMING, and I mean screaming from the top of her lungs. She was kicking the bed, trying to roll off of it, and was clearly in agonising uncontrollable unbearable pain. I’m due in 1 week!!! This is not what I needed to see 🤣 I’m so scared. someone tell me their positive stories. This is my first time. I know everyone has a different experience. I’m just hoping I can do this! I’m unbelievably scared now.

The first hurt a lot, the other 3 just shelled them out, I was early 20s well built so I was lucky I guess.

“Not every child has siblings. For some women, it's horrific, and they need pain relief or emergency c-section. And they do not do it again.”

Thank you for saying this! I’ve heard worse birth stories than mine but it was horrific, traumatic and whilst if I had to go back in time I’d do it all again to have my DD, I am so relieved to be one and done and never have to risk going through anything like that again.

This was not like my Labour.

Towards the end the contractions were back to back, I could only get 1 or 2 words out between contractions. I remember because the midwives kept pushing me to do things "take a covid test" "take antibiotics" "lie on your back" "do a blood test" and kept doing internal examinations on me and trying to attach various things to me.
I only had one or 2 second at most inbetween contractions to fight them off. Then the psychos would start up again with some other request of me.

Gas and air helped a lot, it made me feel lightheaded like I'd had 2 or 3 glasses of wine. It was excruciatingly painful but that took the edge off.

My waters broke before Labour started which apparently makes it more painful.

To echo what a few others have said (and to caveat with every birth is different)….

your mental state is so so important. Fear is your biggest enemy here (makes your body tense up, the very last thing you want). It’s actually really good that you’ve posted this as you have time to address the Fear!!!

I’ve give birth twice. First time: found transition and active Labour terrifying, like i had lost all control. Gave in to fear, panicked. Screamed the place down asking husband to please shoot me. Stopped listening to my body / letting it do its own thing…. It was pretty horrible and yes I would’ve said painful

in the lead up to second birth I read the hypnobirthing book by Kathryn Greaves, practiced a little bit not loads. Had to be induced and it was covid times so was on my own for most of it. I stayed calm. I breathed and listened to my music and bounced on my ball. When it got more intense I had practiced thought patterns eg “this feeling will only last for a minute”, “this is one step closer to meeting my baby” “these sensations can’t be bigger than me because they are me” . And some visulisations. Was even falling asleep between contractions (leaning over high up bed head on a pillow). Asked for gas and air for one examination as I could tell I’d find it difficult to have it done during contractions and didn’t want to clam up. Was 7cm. Straight to delivery, in the pool, gas and air throughout. I honestly wouldn’t describe ANY part of that Labour as painful. Really and truly . And he was 9lbs 7. Intense, yes, powerful, yes, but then of course it’s going to take some powerful energy to get a baby out. It was all because of my state of mind and how calm I stayed. There’s no room for conscious thought, you need to be in the zone, listening to your body.

just my experiences and of course things don’t always go to plan but then I would say it’s even MORE important to have soon tools to stay calm. 100% recommend reading a hypnobirthing book or listening to a podcast, audio book or something. All the best OP!

My first labour was in the hospital and I was literally lying on a bed on my back - NO bloody midwife told me I'd be way better off walking around, on all fours etc. Walk around, op, it's so much better! So that was pretty agonizing - the contractions are like a motor revving through and taking control of your entire body! It's amazing! But I got an epidural after 9 hours or so which was blissful relief, and I then actively participated in birthing my daughter and really enjoyed it. The epidural was exactly what I needed (I fell in love with the anaesthetist, he had a bow tie on and was so dapper!) But I know epidurals are not without risks.

Second time I was at home with only a hot tub and paracetamol, no epidural, not provided for home births (I live literally around the corner from my hospital so thought I'd give the home birth a go). Also very intense and all-consuming but I managed ok and I do think it was easier because I was in my home with my husband constantly massaging my back, and the midwives were just busying themselves in the background, only stepping in when necessary. That was a beautiful beautiful birth, at dawn my gorgeous son swam out into the hot tub waters and I flopped on the sofa and breastfed, let the umbilical cord pulse, and felt this utter joy. And then stomped up 14 stairs and had tea and toast in bed.

Both experiences were gruelling but unforgettable.

It is painful, but keep your pain relief options open (for me gas and air just made my head muddled, but it may help) - and move around!!

Good luck.

2 babies, 2 home water births, one with entonox one without. For me it's painful but ok until the last bit transition to crowning. That's the bit I'd happily not do again. It's over quickly for me though thankfully. Then it's forgotten about until next time.

First time was pretty rotten but second I actually enjoyed (despite it being really painful) and remember thinking when it was over that i
could have done a lot more. The big difference for me was feeling safe and in control.

Try not to worry, although of course it’s natural to do so. I wanted to have everything going tbh, but in fact I found it not too bad, my labours were ok, second labour more painful than my first. Had a 10hr natural labour with first DS 8lb 11oz, and 2.5hr natural labour with DS2 9lb 3oz. I wouldn’t say I have a particularly high pain threshold, Mirena coil fitting is absolutely agony for me. But birth was ok, didn’t even have gas & air. Good luck OP, as long a baby arrives safely that’s the main thing. You honestly forget it very quickly. Wishing you all the best.

Honestly, I really didn't think it was that bad. And that's not just hindsight, I remember thinking at the time that I didn't really see what all the fuss was about. And I was induced. Pain relief-wise all I had was one lot of paracetamol and dihydrocodeine and a bit of gas and air.

Sure, there were a couple of hours that were pretty painful but it really wasn't that bad. And actually, it was transition that was the worst bit for me, once I got to pushing I was actually past the worst of it. You've got this! Hope all goes really well for you.

It wasn't like that for me. I had practiced hypnonbirthing and it wasn't a birth where I needed to push. The contractions were just my body knowing what to do and pushing baby out and at one point I had to breath to slow it down.

Gas and air, no stitches.

Every birth is different. I feel very lucky mine was amazing and I remember it all.

I had DC1 with just gas and air. No shame to anyone having anything stronger, each birth is different (and I had an ELCS second time around so felt none of the birth!).

I was absolutely petrified of the pain. I was an avid watcher of One Born before pregnancy and could not imagine coping with the pain of it all. I did hypnobirthing beforehand which really helped and I realised a lot of the screaming can actually be pure panic, not necessarily pain related. Also making loud noises in childbirth isn’t necessarily because you’re in agony it can be a bit of weird animalistic thing where you have to make a noise. You still have time to do some lovely breathing and calming exercises, centre yourself and focus on the end result. If you need pain relief you can have it. Even if they are reluctant you are entitled to any pain relief you want. There is no shame in an epidural.

I've had 3 children. First 2 back to back births.
First one I had gas and air ( old days when it was via a face mask). Fell asleep all day and had to be woken up to give birth as I was pushing him out in my sleep.
Second one all fine as had an epidural. Third one just gas and air and v quick. All very different.
My advice is to have an open mind. You don't know what will happen or how you'll feel.
Good luck.

The hormones take over. It’s not like you’re doing it from nothing.

Like a few others here, I had an epidural and would really recommend! Also had an induction and it went smoothly.
Sending you so many good thoughts, OP. It’s so natural to be nervous. X

Unfortunately, yes. It’s the most pain a person can bear without actually dying at the end. Please accept every drug you possibly can. I was in too much pain to ask and only used gas and air which was USELESS!

It's definitely different for everyone. I honestly found it ok. No pain relief whatsoever because I was waiting til it got bad.
Not read the full thread, so apologies if duplication, but The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill really helped my nerves beforehand.

It varies from birth to birth, with both mine I laboured very quickly, from first contraction to being fully dilated was around 1hr 50 both times, with around an hour of pushing, so 2hr50mins. I think a quick labour is called Precipitous labour, so it's not like regular contractions, there is no build up and no proper breaks between contractions it's straight into it 1cm to 10cm very quickly.
Now with my first they gave me diamorphine without examinating me, so they didn't realise I was dialating quickly, this meant when I started pushing I was very lethargic and couldn't keep my eyes open, but I also couldn't feel anything, just my stomach completely tighten so I knew to push.
With my second I had no pain relief, I couldn't even take the gas and air they tried to give me as it was so painful and was going so quickly it was like my body was in shock and I didn't feel in control.
Every labour is different, but most mom's will say the same, that after the pain is gone and you just focus on your baby xx good luck op

I had my first baby 2 years ago;

Up until you hit "transition", the pain is manageable. Not pleasant but manageable. I remember thinking i've had worse period pain. Just learn to breathe through those contractions, keep a calm environment and you'll be fine. This is by far the longest part of labour.

However once I hit transition (which for me meant going from 7cm - 10cm and pushing within 15 mins) I felt like I couldn't go on because it was so much more painful than before. That's when I had some G&A for the first time and jumped in the pool, and loved it. However my baby's head then got stuck at crowning, then I thought i might die from the pain. But I do think the latter could have been avoided with better positioning and no coached pushing- I was coached by my midwife to push when i didn't feel ready and she positioned me in a way that made pushing feel unbearable, and I got a 2nd degree tear (which I felt every mm of as it happened!)

So my advice; follow your intuition with whatever position feels most natural and comfortable to you. And save the gas and air for when things get real.

It varies hugely from person to person, it’s not just a case of pain thresholds, womens’ pain nerves I think must be literally wired differently. Some people say it is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced. I know someone who felt no pain at all. Most are in between but you can’t know your own experience until it happens. That said you have a choice to get an epidural and have no pain!

Agree that lying on back v painful. Squat or on all fours is much easier.

I find it unbearably painful. But once you've had an epidural- happy days!!

12 h active labour, I found the contractions painful and nothing in between

Don’t watch One born every minute! I found that scary. My first, not too painful, water birth with gas and air. My second more painful but I had my waters broken and things went pretty quickly after that (it was only then that it got more painful) so at least it was over fast. It also feels like a pain with a point to it and you know it will end. It’s also ok between contractions so you have a mini rest.

Don’t be too quiet/shy about being in pain. Both times midwives didn’t think I was as far along as I was (which meant second time round I didn’t have my DP in when I really needed him due to covid rules). First time they nearly told me to stay at home as I wasn’t making enough fuss on the phone and were a bit eye rolly when I got there till she checked and I was 9 cm dilated and she could feel an ear 😂.

I watched every series of one born whilst pregnant with my first terrified myself. The contractions were not too bad I didn’t think I even needed to go to hospital MIL made me was 6cm dilated on arrival. They made me lie down to Monitor the baby that I found unbearable I found it better to move around. Had a pool that helped and a bit of gas and air and 2 hrs later had my little girl .. it is painful but it’s not constant pain so just focus on that I found counting helped and the fact it ll all be over soon and you ll have your baby.

It's not THAT bad. 🤣 There you go. Each contraction has an end point. For me the contractions were the most painful, at transision. Crowing was actually not painful at all for me, surprisingly. At my second birth without the epidural, when I was on all fours. Plus the hand was at his face and he scratched me a little on the way out. Didn't feel that but the stitching I was a massive wimp for. But I think what your describing, screeming and trying to roll off the bed is fear and lack of control as much as pain.