Please someone tell me it’s not THAT painful

[anmummy]

Just watched an episode of one born every minute and this woman was SCREAMING, and I mean screaming from the top of her lungs. She was kicking the bed, trying to roll off of it, and was clearly in agonising uncontrollable unbearable pain. I’m due in 1 week!!! This is not what I needed to see 🤣 I’m so scared. someone tell me their positive stories. This is my first time. I know everyone has a different experience. I’m just hoping I can do this! I’m unbelievably scared now.

Get an epidural. You have to go through a bit of pain first and then the epidural will feel like euphoric bliss.
I've also had one without an epidural and it wasn't that bad tbh.

It's the contractions that are the hardest part but like others have said you do get some relief in between.
With my 1st I didn't make a sound throughout, I had pethidine which really helped to take the edge off and I actually enjoyed the experience.
With my 2nd I was excited to go through labour again in a weird way but I went from 2-8cm in an hour which was tough and I begged them for pethidine at that point, after that it was fine.
My 3rd was by far the most painful but unbeknown to anyone he was in an awkward position, literally nothing was taking the edge off the pain, I didn't scream though but there was a lot of groaning! I ended up with a cat 1 emcs with him and in some way felt like I'd been robbed of giving birth.
I'm now sad that he's my last and I won't get to experience labour again.
My advice, don't have much of a plan, just go with whatever works for you at the time, definitely move around through the contractions and go with whatever position you want for giving birth, I was struggling pushing with Ds1 on my back, the midwife suggested I stand up and one push ,he was out.
Good luck and I hope you have the best possible experience.

With DD1 I had no pain at all, just pressure. It was a normal labour of 18 hours and delivery in a birth pool.

DD2 was more painful and I needed gas and air. 12 hours total for her but she came as the pool was being filled.

Remember most women go and have another.

I agree with toothache being worse

OP-

1. OBEM is a TV show. Women calmly sitting in pools or squatting in a corner moaning gently don't make for very exciting TV
2. women who have straightforward less painful births tend to keep quiet about it lest they be accused of bragging/having no sympathy or others, and not understanding that 'a healthy baby is what matters most'
3. nobody can predict what labour will be like FOR YOU but there are known factors that make things better/worse- things like- understand the physiological process, have a trusted companion who can put you first and isn't scared themselves, stay upright and mobile if at all possible, labour in a private, comfortable space, have a baby that's settled into a favourable position before birth, learn how to relax and not resist pain...etc

Obviously not all o those things are in your control, but some are, so why not concentrate on those and optimise your chances.

I used hypnobirthing and had a pretty chilled and pain free birth with my first. I didn’t realise I was in active labour until I realised I couldn’t sit down and my child was almost born on the way to hospital. Every labour is different but not all are painful. I didn’t have any pain relief but the only bit I really remember hurting was when my baby crowned. Make sure you’re clued up on your pain relief options. Have a look at hypnobirthing if it’s potentially your thing, I found it amazing. Though I well know every birth is different and all the best laid plans can completely go out of the window, my second was born by planned c section but I do think that going into things feeling fairly relaxed and confident helps to release endorphins which help you to cope with the pain. I also found walking around and remaining upright as much as possible helped too. The more relaxed your body is, the easier labour is, providing there are no complications. I’m in no way saying hypnobirthing is the answer to everything! Likewise read up on your pain relief options and work out what your preferences are, the most important thing is that you’re as comfortable as possible. Enjoy your last bit of child free time and I hope you have a lovely birth.

Induced with monitoring. Crying with pain between epidural top ups.
Only have the one child.

Also I completely agree with the poster before me who said that women who have fairly pain free births don’t tend to talk about it. I thought twice about posting about hypnobirthing and my experience of having no pain relief and a pretty pain free birth, as I’m conscious that it can be triggering or difficult for people who have had difficult births.

It's like a severe but positive period pain.

Fortunately I have no continence issues. Loads of women do as a result of pregnancy and childbirth.

It’s really painful but I found screaming helped the pain. You also forget about it as soon as your baby is in your arms. You just have to think positive, there’s no backing out now and it will be worth it.

Barbaric and primeval but worth it.

I had an induction and gas and air for contractions from 8cm until pushing. When I was pushing I couldn’t make the breathing work with the gas and air so I stopped using it, so pushed without pain relief. I shouted. It helped. It’s a bit like moving a heavy wardrobe. You know screaming uses energy that could otherwise be used pushed (which the midwife kept saying) but it made me feel better, it helped me express that I was doing some bloody hard graft.

Labour and delivery is painful but manageable (often with pain relief), it’s bloody hard work though. The pain that stands out worse for me is when the midwife gave me local anaesthetic so she could do my stitches and I nearly kicked her in the face. That, and blood thinner injections.

Labour isn't the same for every woman.

Have an epidural. Why risk it. I never regretted my epidural.

Sooo I was okay on the gas and air when I was contracting a 'normal' amount, about 3-4 in ten minutes and I could absolutely cope with breathing the gas and was pretty focused. Being in the pool for a short while also really helped.

What I couldn't cope with, was contracting 8 in 10 minutes due to a small abruption (placenta coming away before baby is born) and I lost my shit. I couldn't catch my breath or focus on getting through each contraction because they were one on top of the other, so for an hour, until they took pity on me and got the ventouse/kiwi out to help get him out I could be found writhing on the bed, growling and screaming:

'IT HURTS IT FUCKING HURTS' or 'IT'S COMING AGAAIINNNN'

I mean, I'm a midwife, I thought I was prepared... Hahahahahahahahaha, er, no.

My first was awful and I asked my husband to kill me, but that wasn't really to do with the pain, more that I was exhausted and baby was stuck.

Second was an absolute dream, had the old ring of fire but generally it wasn't that bad.

I've had a tooth nerve die and THAT I wish to never experience again. I'd give birth over and over rather than go through that again.

Oops posted too soon.
I wasn't a screamer, I think I did grunt a couple of times though.
No pain relief for either birth.

I've had 2 back to back induced labours. Honestly, very painful just on gas and air.
Very very long labours then coached pushing on my back as I was exhausted. I screamed the second one out as they were preparing forceps

I've not been able to watch OBEM since having my first but from memory it was fairly accurate from my perspective!

My first was straight forward but I found it pretty terrifying and ended up with PTSD. It was really, really painful (just had gas and air, what an idiot) and scarier than I had imagined. I felt out of control and genuinely thought I would die. Clearly I didn’t but the belief was there and it was scary.

Second time round it was painful but much less scary and much more bearable. I knew what was happening and was mentally prepared for those feelings.

I found contractions very painful but once I started pushing it was somehow not painful anymore, it was productive.

I know people who have said ‘it wasn’t that bad’ and then others who had such a bad time they only have one. Clearly every woman and birth differ.

best of luck.

Don't watch OBEM while pregnant!

It depends a lot on how long it takes. My first was back-to-back so severe pain for hours on end. That was tough. Second was precipitous labour so fast and furious but over quickly.

I was with my best friend when she gave birth, a very peaceful moment with an epidural.

I also had an epidural but they must've turned it off at the end, full blown scream from me in the final few seconds (ventouse delivery) but the pain went instantly once my daughter was born.

And some people find being very vocal helps.

As is clear from this thread, women have vastly different experiences!

What I will say is you have more chance of a low pain birth if you can relax and keep a positive mindset. Tension and fear make the perception of pain much worse. I think part of the problem is that you hear all the horror stories and then you get scared and think it’s going to be terrible and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

I was sceptical about hypnobirthing but I gave it a try and it really worked for me. I think the most important thing for me was that it taught me to trust that my body knew what to do. I birthed my babies at home with no pain relief. It was intense (I had really fast labours) but I wouldn’t say it was particularly painful.