At what age is it selfish to have a child?

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Just thinking if Naomi Campbell becoming a mother again at 53. What age would you say is too old? I am an older mum (not as old as Naomi Campbell though.)
At what age does it become selfish?

No intention whatsoever of trying. Don't think I implied I was. Also fully aware of the risks. But the fact that I am menstruating naturally means too that there is a chance I could get pregnant and give birth. Naturally. Which is the point that I was trying to make to Hbh17

I’m sorry you had to put up with ageism. I have experienced some too, although the majority of friends, relatives and acquaintances have been amazingly pleased for me. I was 43 when our DC was born. I’d about given up hope on parenthood. In my office a colleague was pregnant with her second child, she was a year older than me, her husband was mid 60s and it was his first child. He is a fabulous parent and - being retired - he’s had lots of time to devote to their DS. The other tale I traditionally recount at this time is to say that a fellow baby group mum looked at me with pity and said ‘you must be so tired’ - a great misunderstanding, having thought I’d missed the boat, I’d become a parent and the elation gave energy and can even now 17 years later.

is be very surprised if there was anything natural about the conception of either of Naomi campbells babies! By natural here I mean medically unassisted, not morally right in case anyone wants to jump on me.

Aren’t Naomi’s dc surrogate?

I may have made the assumption though 🤷‍♀️

No intention whatsoever of trying. Don't think I implied I was. Also fully aware of the risks. But the fact that I am menstruating naturally means too that there is a chance I could get pregnant and give birth. Naturally. Which is the point that I was trying to make to Hbh17

They said nature didn't intend us to have babies in our 50s, the fact you probably wouldn't be able to get pregnant despite still menstruating is the point the poster is making, just because you're having periods doesn't mean you'd get pregnant, chances are your body would naturally reject any pregnancy that managed to happen, and your eggs despite still being released probably couldn't create a healthy life. If all it took was having periods to get pregnant there wouldn't be such stark warnings about trying before certain ages.

Of course. But a previous poster said that if you get to 50 and don't have kids then it wasn't 'meant to be.' Difficult to argue when said kids actually exist, however they came to do so.

I very much hope I will complete my family by 50, but if I don't I won't give up. There are countries where you can get fertility treatment over that age, so why wouldn't I keep trying? I don't care in the slightest about having a natural childbirth or a natural conception. However in my family tree there are loads of women who had babies in their forties, and not just early forties, before fertility treatment was available obviously. So I'm not writing off any possibilities yet.

so why wouldn't I keep trying?

Why wouldn't you keep trying for a bath 50+? Seriously?

Life expectancy is currently 81.77 years in the U.K.

Higher for women.

my parents had me at 36 and 40 and I thought they were really old and was always so jealous of my friends parents being 10-15 yrs younger.
Oddly enough of my close group of 8 friends my parents are the only couple still alive. everyone else has lost at least one parent.

this made me less concerned with having my children in late 30s early 40s.

I also don't see having children as always selfish. I think it's a complete joy to be alive and experience life and everything that comes with it, and am very grateful my parents had me and allowed me to experience everything.

I would keep trying, barring unexpected health problems or other catastrophic events of one kind or another.

Totally agree.
I had my final child at 41 and the baby years were fine, i had energy and all my children got the best of me.
Now however at 53 it's tougher than ever. Menopause and older teenagers leave me drained and exhausted.
I too would have started and stopped younger if I knew what I know now.

@PP82 I truly hope you don't need to make that decision, I think you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment if you think TTC 50+ is a viable option for success, I know it seems common these days with celebrities left, right and centre doing it, but they are not very open with how they get there and requires a lot of £ (and some loose morals depending on your opinions on surrogacy).

I had DD mid twenties and we were talking about this yesterday actually as the topic of Naomi Campbell was on the radio.

I said to her that it if I had had her when I was 40, I’d be 57 when she’s the age she is now and she said that sounds really old to be a mother of a teenager but then everyone probably seems old when you’re a teenager!
She says nearly all her friend’s Mums are 50 and over.

There’s also people I know in their 50s with infant school age children which to me personally is too old but it’s mostly luck when you get pregnant and individual choice.

I find threads like this really depressing. Not everyone is in the correct situation to have children in their 20s. Older or younger mum, do what suits you. In a way I would have liked to be younger, but my son as he is wouldn't exist now so I'm glad I conceived when I did! Life expectancy for someone of my age (38) looks to be 88 on a life expectancy calculator so my 3 year old will hopefully have me around for a long time. My mum is 59 but acts a hell of a lot older so it really depends on the person too.

No plans to use a surrogate. Have researched all other fertility options. With donor eggs it really doesn't matter how old the mother is. Yes, a higher risk of some complications, but I have access to excellent healthcare. I'm still in my early 40s and still hopeful that it might happen naturally, but for various reasons have pretty much (though not definitely) decided to delay fertility treatment for a few years. Even so I'm confident that I can have a child, or maybe even two, before 50, but I find it comforting to know there is the option to try later, if needs be.

@PP82 early 40s and delaying fertility treatment is absolutely mental. Do you really want kids? What's the point in waiting? (Sorry they're very loaded questions that sound rude written down and understand if you don't want to reply, it just seems unfathomable to me)

Thinking on this a second time I actually find this quite patronising. Of course I've costed it, know I have the money and have looked into all the relevant statistics, live birth rates of clinics etc. All the articles, advice etc for women looking at later parenthood assumes we're soft in the head!

@PP82 no I only said it because on another thread you said you had enough for only a few goes (sorry yes I did look up your username as I think your posts are interesting!) so I assumed you weren't rolling in cash like Naomi Campbell.

@Somanycats thank goodness my kids have never expressed the same sentiment as I had them at 41 and 43!
OP, I know people who had kids naturally with no intervention in their mid to late 40s, because that's just what happened. None of them 'planned' to have kids late. Either like me they didn't meet their partner til late or they let nature take its course and just didn't get pregnant (or hit pregnant again) when older.
I think if past 42 I wouldn't go to extraordinary lengths to conceive, but I'm sure my sister (pregnant at 45 after her doctor told her with her age and PCOS she wouldn't get pregnant) is happy it happened by accident.

Difficult to know how much to answer without giving away my identity. I really want kids and always have. My life has not followed what you could call a conventional trajectory. Some if that my choice, some not. We are trying, and have enough money for fertility treatment, but if I takes multiple attempts it would seriously run down our funds. I'd like to build them up more so we can have as many tries as possible without sweating it. In addition neither of us has family friendly jobs, and both have plans to retrain for careers that will fit better with parenthood, but that too will take time and money. The reasons we haven't done so yet are complicated, so I won't go into them. But we are where we are.

In addition I've put on a lot of weight in recent years and while the doctor told me I'd still be a good candidate for IVF, I want to be as fit and healthy as possible going into an older pregnancy, so I'm working on that.

Having looked at the statistics for IVF with your own eggs I'm just not interested, as even though I have a good ovarian reserve, that's no guarantee of egg quality, though I'm doing all I can to boost that too. Basically I'd rather do donor egg IVF in my mid to late 40s when I know my situation is optimal and I can focus entirely on mine and my baby's wellbeing, and when hopefully I'm in better shape than I am now (getting there already!) than try with my own eggs now with low chances of success and lots of stresses hanging over my head.

If it makes any difference DH is a few years younger, we live in a country where fertility treatment is much cheaper than the UK (although I've looked at clinics in different countries) and later motherhood is far more common here.

40 is young but suppose it depends what kind of lifestyle you live and where your from if you think otherwise.

Yes, currently we do. One reason we are waiting. Certainly not rolling in cash! But the success rates of donor egg IVF, regardless of my age, are such that I don't think we'll need more than a few goes at the outside. Unless we are spectacularly unlucky.

@PP82

I very much hope I will complete my family by 50, but if I don't I won't give up. There are countries where you can get fertility treatment over that age, so why wouldn't I keep trying?

I don't care in the slightest about having a natural childbirth or a natural conception. However in my family tree there are loads of women who had babies in their forties, and not just early forties, before fertility treatment was available obviously. So I'm not writing off any possibilities yet.

Words fail me.

mid forties ish