I am very scared to deliver a baby under the NHS after hearing so many horror stories.

[Nature-Thrive]

For starters, I am a mother to an 8 year old. I am originally from the USA and that is where I delivered my son. I had amazing care and my OBGYN was called when I went into labour. She saw my care from start to finish, including postpartum. I struggled a lot and needed a ton of support and I had great insurance so it was available to me.

Before I start, please understand that I am in no way trying to bash the NHS. All I am doing is trying to figure out how to get good care again.
I haven't had the best experience under the NHS and after talking to some local moms, I am very scared to have a baby here.

We are based In Birmingham and I had a horrible experience at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital to the point where even driving by the hospital causes me anxiety. It was so bad that it's been escalated to hospital heads and we will be having a sit down.

Can anyone provide any insight or advice on what I should do? Do I move to a different area to access another trust? If so, where would you recommend?
Thank you so much.

PS - I do not want an NHS debate by any means and please don't tell me to "go back to my country". I got plenty of that over on Reddit.

Could you go back to the States just to have your baby?

it sounds as though you are feeling so anxious that even a good experience might be difficult.

What are your specific fears and specific needs? Can you break it down into smaller worries and address these seperately?

I’m sorry you have had a bad experience with the NHS. I had a bad delivery in a hospital in Leeds with catastrophic consequences. You are right to be wary. I hope that people come along to help and advise. The only thing I can say with the benefit of hindsight is to look into what can prevent brachial plexus injury at birth. And I wish I had not been so passive and trusting. Sorry to scare you. Forewarned is forearmed

What are you specifically scared about? I think many here would feel anxious about giving birth in the US as it seems so overly-medicalised.

If you're this worked up already then I don't think you'll shake out of it. It's important to be comfortable/confident.

Speak to your midwife about options. You might be able to visit wards and have a choice of others are nearby.
Would you consider a home birth?

I had one baby in the states and one here. It's true that the care in hospital over there can feel more wrap around. I found the health visitor stuff here better though.
Could you hire a doula to advocate for you during the birth? It might ease your anxiety a bit. The NHS is underfunded but the care is usually of a very high quality. If you feel like trust has broken down between you and the hospital you are currently booked in at you might be allowed to change to a different one. I've done that with GPs before.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Look after yourself and get as much support as you can. Giving birth away from your home country and family can be a really worrying time so it's not odd that you're feeling stressed about it.

@theotherfossilsister - between the in person stories and what I've read online what scares me is the treatment women in labour get as well as the conditions. I was told the hospital restrooms here were filthy, with blood everywhere and nurses were rude to the mothers. I read that some women were forced to go through the labour process in plastic chairs in corridors. Some left with tears and weren't sowed which affected them after the fact.

I don’t blame you for feeling this way as so many people get terrible care in the nhs. Would you be able to afford to go private?

@MakkaPakkas - thank you for your response. It's really helpful. I will talk to my husband about hiring someone. I am not the best at advocating for myself. I am the type of person who will literally drown so I don't bring attention to myself.

I had a difficult NHS birth with my first. I went privately with my second. It was a brilliant, positive experience.

There are varying degrees of private care, as far as I am aware. I am UK based but we do not have the super fancy London "Portland" style private birthing centres, which cost eye watering amounts of money. I had a consultant throughout and saw the same midwife monthly at their private clinic. I gave birth in an NHS hospital but entirely under my private obs/gyn care. It was much more affordable than a full private clinic birth. I wonder is this kind of thing is available in Birmingham? Do a bit of ringing around?

@Friendofdennis thank you so much for responding and I am so very sorry about your experience.

I don't know how many babies are born each day in the UK, but I don't think that giving birth on plastic chairs, blood covered rooms and not being properly sewed are the most common experiences.

If you go looking for bad experiences online that's what you'll find.

Can you pay to go private? I had an traumatic first birth and paid to go private for the rest of my births. The consultant was wonderful my care both prenatal and birth was excellent

@Greentomatoes21 - was there a specific company you went with? Would you be willing to give me their information? The way you did things the second time sounds like something I might want to do.

I was going to suggest a doula or private midwife.

I do think that culturally the NHS is a different place to give birth than a privatised American hospital that will charge you $25 dollars for a single paracetamol…

@Hapoydayz - we aren't pregnant yet. We are in the beginning stages of trying. And yes, I am willing to go private. We've simply don't know what to look for.

@GreenLeavesRustling - I am considering going back to the US as a last resort. As an American, I would immediately qualify for Medicare which would cover all of my costs (hell of a lot cheaper than when I had to pay for insurance). The only downside is that I would have to leave my husband and our son.

This is the leading private maternity hospital in the UK - I have friends who have given birth here and had a great experience:

www.hcahealthcare.co.uk/facilities/the-portland-hospital

With hindsight I should have trusted my instincts and hired someone to advocate for me. Maternity services in the U.K. are awful, my complaint was upheld.

I recommend you take plenty of notes, names, dates and times and do so visibly. If you can afford private then go private.

I wish you all the best.

Try not to get too stressed. Remember that people tend to talk about the bad experiences they had- you rarely get to hear about the good ones.
I had 2 good nhs birth experiences and I’d say the vast majority of my friends and family did too.
I couldn’t fault any of the staff and the hospital was clean etc and I was in for over a week with one of the births.

Also- if you do go private I would 100% try and go to a private wing in an nhs hospital rather than a private hospital like the Portland.

NC as quite outing but I am currently 36w pregnant and under the care of Birmingham Women's Hospital. I gave birth to my first child in London and the care was shockingly poor throughout my pregnancy - so far at the Women's it has been really good.

The community antenatal care has been excellent, with a named midwife you see at every regular appointment (unless she's on holiday) and who you can call/text if you have questions in between appointments.

I have been supported by Birmingham Healthy Minds (mental health service) for most of my pregnancy due to anxiety - again excellent. I am so much healthier mentally in this pregnancy due to this support. I had the same problems in my previous pregnancy and got zero support.

I want a c section due to previous birth trauma and aside from one appointment where a consultant tried to talk me out of it I have been unconditionally supported with that choice - the consultant midwife at the Women's who ultimately gives the 'yes' or 'no' was amazing - reassuring, professional, respectful, talked about risks in terms of my personal risk rather than average risk and rang me back the next day to confirm the date of my section.

When I had my 20 week scan they couldn't get all the measurements so I went back at the weekend for a follow-up scan - weekend appointments are almost unheard of in the NHS.

I've had to have lots of extra scans and these have been booked in promptly, I've never had to chase them up. They appear on my app usually within 24 hours of the consultant requesting them and are followed up with a letter by post.

When I've had to go to triage I've never had to wait long to be seen and the midwives have been great.

I think you have to be prepared to advocate for yourself in the NHS. Don't have a stiff upper lip and say 'I'm fine' - be honest, go to appointments prepared with your questions or things you want to discuss, and contact triage or your named midwife with any concerns.

That said I wouldn't hesitate to recommend the Women's Hospital.

I'm in Scotland but I've had excellent care with both births. I had DD2 yesterday via elective section and the aftercare has been great, the wards are spotless and the staff friendly and keen to help wherever possible.

American birth outcomes/maternal mortality rates aren't particularly good considering the cost, are they? Pretty sure they don't compare well to a lot of other nations, including the UK.

Also the toilets have always been immaculately clean when I've visited! And I have health anxiety and OCD and am really anxious about dirty public toilets. I've actually sat on the seats in toilets at the Women's Hospital.

The trouble is that people who have 'normal' births with good care don't usually rant about it online. So what you read online is massively skewed. The vast majority of women have good care from the NHS. I think there is definitely lots of space for improvement but generally this is in areas such as pushing inductions over caesareans, and lack of breastfeeding support, lack of private rooms etc. The issues you describe (blood up the walls, babies popping out in corridors, are rare). If they were common, given how many threads there are about birth on here, then the vast majority of the posters would be telling similar stories. They aren't.

Obviously things can and do go wrong, both because birth is unpredictable, and in some cases because of poor care. And I don't want to minimise your worries. It's natural that since you've already experienced poor care that you'll worry about it happening again. But it's unlikely. My first baby was stillborn (nobody at fault) and obviously I worried much more about stillbirth during my next pregnancy than someone would who had never had one. But I accepted that the evidence shows they're rare.

PP's suggestion of a doula is a great idea. Also look into all the possible places you can give birth - MLU/home birth etc, possibly even a different hospital in the same area. Failing that, I agree that it's worth asking about a transfer to a different trust for the birth.

All the best!