I am very scared to deliver a baby under the NHS after hearing so many horror stories.

[Nature-Thrive]

For starters, I am a mother to an 8 year old. I am originally from the USA and that is where I delivered my son. I had amazing care and my OBGYN was called when I went into labour. She saw my care from start to finish, including postpartum. I struggled a lot and needed a ton of support and I had great insurance so it was available to me.

Before I start, please understand that I am in no way trying to bash the NHS. All I am doing is trying to figure out how to get good care again.
I haven't had the best experience under the NHS and after talking to some local moms, I am very scared to have a baby here.

We are based In Birmingham and I had a horrible experience at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital to the point where even driving by the hospital causes me anxiety. It was so bad that it's been escalated to hospital heads and we will be having a sit down.

Can anyone provide any insight or advice on what I should do? Do I move to a different area to access another trust? If so, where would you recommend?
Thank you so much.

PS - I do not want an NHS debate by any means and please don't tell me to "go back to my country". I got plenty of that over on Reddit.

@bollocksthemess which hospital did you use? I’m Manchester based and really struggling to get information.

With anything you are more likely to hear bad experiences than good, I see a lot of horror stories online and in the media but that's what gets the attention. News outlets don't want to report on the 1000s of women who had good experiences because that doesn't get the clicks.

Personally, I found the midwifery teams at my trust amazing. They were so supportive and attentive during my ante natal care, birth, scbu stay and post natal care. Every part of my birth plan was read, understood and followed. I did hypnobirthing and everyone one involved in the delivery knew that and followed my wishes (I still smile when I think of the midwife dancing away with me to the 'crazy ex girlfriend' soundtrack!). My consultant came to see me after the birth (she'd been off when I delivered or would have been there), community midwife was the nicest person and so caring- she even came to see me when I was sat in scbu with my baby and gave me a hug while I was crying. The midwives and nurses couldn't do enough for us, even now if I see one of them out and about they remember us and come and say hello.

Most people I know have similar stories (thankfully less have the scbu experience!) and have nothing but praise.

Obviously there are high profile cases of failings, truly tragic and my heart breaks for those families. But you can look into your options, find reviews/talk to people who have given birth there, take tours (if they're happening again).

I haven't given birth in the US, but from what I understand you were lucky to have good insurance and receive such good care. If you want the reassurance of the same then the option is of course there for you if less then ideal.

You can go private, hire a dula, research your options and choose what's best for you. Maybe some therapy to address your trauma around the poor care you received? I'm not saying therapy is the answer I everything, but I do think help to process the experience can be useful and you are thinking ahead.

Have a look at MUMS in Solihull which offers private maternity services but in an emergency you'll still get sent to an NHS hospital. If you don't like the QE or Womens then look at one of the other ones. Heartlands or Good Hope or Warwick. You don't need to live in an area to choose that hospital to give birth in you can choose any but in an emergency you'll be sent to your closest one. And also depends on your preferences - if you want a non medical c section that will limit your options. I went out of area for my first

To be honest for every one negative review you read there will be 1000 good ones that don't ever get posted.

Like people have said - you need local knowledge really. Take horror stories with a pinch of salt, but if you're hearing a lot of horror stories from one particular local option versus the others... it's time to possibly book yourself into an alternative one in the locality.

I have a horror story from my first's birth - just the attitude on the whole induction/antenatal monitoring ward and postnatal wards had got fairly endemically shitty at the time she was born (plus it was a bank holiday so crappy staffing levels anyway)... to the extent my community midwife (who was a gorgeous gorgeous lady) was absolutely livid when she heard what had gone on. Booked in to the other local hospital for the second birth and, while, yes the food was still as shit as the NHS fare around here generally is, and there were bits of the hospital tatty around the edges and the parking was awful (was amusing to stand at the window and watch it on a morning though) - the staff were absolutely lovely which made all the difference. Also, if you get the chance to have a student in - I'd tend to take it - it puts all the fully qualified staff on their best behaviour showing how everything is done in an ideal world, and they're always so eager to show how kind and caring they are when working with actual patients (versus death by case study) plus they have more time to deliver patient care. I had one for DD2's birth who was working the final weeks in her placement and she was absolutely superb.

I gave birth at one of the trusts that's apparently terrible and been in the news (didn't realise this til afterwards).

I had a few unexpected complications and a 18 hour labour. I had someone with me constantly, even if a nurse had to nip to the loo, someone else would come. Afterwards I was basically not coping well because I was in a lot of pain and terrified to go onto a main ward and they were lovely and found me a private room and a fold out bed for my husband.

I still think about the last midwife who allowed me the dignity by finding me a room and always wish I knew her name so I could thank her.

I agree with a lot of the posts that papers are sensationalised and while there has been some terrible stories, the great side doesn't get reported.

Sorry nurse should be midwife or doctor

I really resent the implication from some posters that if you've had a terrible birth experience, you're likely to go online and 'rant' about it. Or that you'll share your 'horror stories' with anyone who'll listen.

I've had three births under the NHS. All three ended in emergency C-sections. I have never ranted online and nor have I over-shared. In fact, the experiences and memories are too private and painful to speak about.

The first birth was horrendous, the second birth was a little less than horrendous and the third birth was okay.

I think the problem is that so much is down to luck and there's only so much most people can do to prepare. If you are lucky enough to have the resources to help improve your chances of having a positive birth experience and outcome, now's the time to be using them.

Best wishes OP.

I can't find the title of the book now but I read an amazing autobiographical account of an American woman who was travelling with her husband (who was famous I think) to London when she went into premature labour with twins (or possibly it was triplets) - her description of the NHS care she got was really interesting. She was surprised that she wasn't seen privately due to her insurance.

Have a look at the private maternity packages Guys and St Thomas have them in London and I believe they do a set price. Might be cheaper than a trip back to the US with all the cost of staying there till you can get a baby passport etc.
Mine were all born in the US and the care was wonderful.

Yes it's often understaffed but I don't think it's that bad. I had my son during the first lockdown and apart from a few things I was pretty happy overall. I certainly couldn't afford private anyway so I don't have much choice. Everything seemed perfectly clean.

I know it is anecdotal but I had two brilliant experiences having my DC. Kind staff, clean wards and bathrooms, okay food etc.

Have you spoken to your midwife about your fears over the QE in Brum? It sounds like talking to a therapist about your previous experiences may help. If you are in discussions with the hospital over what happened maybe they can provide you with support.

There are several maternity trusts in the West Midlands, do you know which one you are likely to be using? You can check how they have been inspected and rated. Now Covid is less of a thing you may be able to ask for a tour of the labour ward.

Do you actually need to use the labour ward? In the U.K. you can plan your birth and possibly have a home birth or go to a smaller birthing centre with water birth pools etc

I gave birth in the U.K. last year and midwives were undoubtedly busy but at no point did I see blood anywhere or dirt or women giving birth on chairs. That’s not to say all trusts are the same.

I think you should read Hypnobirthing: practical ways to make your birth better by Siobhan Miller. It’s nothing to do with hypnosis, it’s about trying to stay relaxed and positive before and during birth and about learning to advocate for yourself.

You could go private but if there are complications (hopefully everything will go well) you may end up back in the NHS anyway.

I feel you are panicking about the culture clash as much as anything else (pregnancy is an anxious time no need to feel embarrassed) so maybe if you watch a couple of episodes of something like Yorkshire Midwives on BBC iPlayer you will get a better idea of what maternity care is like and what to expect.

I have been watching One Born Every Minute USA recently and it seems like quite a bit different how they do things over there. Whose to say what is better just different approaches to child birth.

Good luck op

I've had 5 very positive births on the NHS, and one not so positive, but that was absolutely nothing to do with the care that I received.

The US system is so different to the UK system. Births in the US are unnecessarily overmedicalised, and certain practises are actually more dangerous over there than over here.

There is no need to be worried. You only hear the horror stories, not the good stuff. Horror stories are so few and far between. Yes, there's a shortage of midwives, but those midwives will work flat out without a break if it means your care would be compromised by leaving you.

Again, you cannot give birth at the QE. They have no maternity services.

@Tilltheend99 no she hasn't spoken to her midwife because she doesn't have a midwife because she's not pregnant and you can't give birth at the QE anyway

@Mushroo Wythenshawe Hospital. Every single interaction was pleasant, everywhere was clean. From start to finish I felt like everyone was invested in getting my babies here with all of us safe.
I was told by loads of people it was good, and it was even better than I expected. Yes they were busy at times but they never compromised care.

@Tilltheend99 - I'm not pregnant yet. We are in the beginning stages of trying. I posted this to get some advice of some sort. Thanks for your reply.

@bollocksthemess thank you! That is my
local so that is so reassuring to hear :)

@Danikm151 - I just looked up Princess of Wales and ummm..... it's kinda scary.

Agree with @cautionroguerobots Though

Whilst you may have had a bad experience at the QE you don't actually give birth at that hospital - it's Birmingham womens next door

Doesn't hurt to read up on hospitals in the local area though in advance of a pregnancy but honestly a lot may/will change between then and now. Also if you have a high risk pregnancy you're options are limited further - I could only go to Heartlands or Womens. Also lots of local places are always downgrading ie like the Alex that stopped all maternity a few years back and Solihull which you can only use if low risk and don't want an epidural

Yes. More likely to have a level three NICU.

I think OP that you really want the 1-to-1 that going private can get you. I didn't mind not having that, but you've written "struggled a lot and needed a ton of support" which NHS can't reliably provide.

I had 4 births I was happy with on NHS. i was happy when MWs scolded me to focus, but I'm just different from OP. There's no 'right' way to give birth, just a way that gets you thru well.

People have probably already suggested this but home birth with a doula (and midwives) would be a great option if you have a healthy pregnancy. The NHS does emergency medicine really very well, but they aren't great at personalised care or continuity of care which is where the doula comes in to advocate for you.

We are very, very lucky in this country to have midwife led maternity care and even luckier to have a home birth service!

Home birth stats are incredible if you need reassurance on that front.

Whatever you decide, you do have to be educated on birth, know what you want, and then push for it! If you find that difficult to do, then a doula would be invaluable.

As others have said, the USA has truly awful birth statistics so I definitely don't think you should be worried to give birth here!

I am NHS myself, a consultant for over 25 years (not in obstetrics or anything related) and I did not consider giving birth in the NHS. I had an elective cesarean at the Lindo Wing at St Mary's Paddington. It was fantastic. Private health insurance in the UK does not cover maternity so that is not an option. I can just say that people pay more for double glazing or conservatories than I paid for my birth, and in my opinion it was a far more worhwhile investment.