I am very scared to deliver a baby under the NHS after hearing so many horror stories.

[Nature-Thrive]

For starters, I am a mother to an 8 year old. I am originally from the USA and that is where I delivered my son. I had amazing care and my OBGYN was called when I went into labour. She saw my care from start to finish, including postpartum. I struggled a lot and needed a ton of support and I had great insurance so it was available to me.

Before I start, please understand that I am in no way trying to bash the NHS. All I am doing is trying to figure out how to get good care again.
I haven't had the best experience under the NHS and after talking to some local moms, I am very scared to have a baby here.

We are based In Birmingham and I had a horrible experience at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital to the point where even driving by the hospital causes me anxiety. It was so bad that it's been escalated to hospital heads and we will be having a sit down.

Can anyone provide any insight or advice on what I should do? Do I move to a different area to access another trust? If so, where would you recommend?
Thank you so much.

PS - I do not want an NHS debate by any means and please don't tell me to "go back to my country". I got plenty of that over on Reddit.

This is not true, doulas support women to have the births they want including epidurals, c sections etc. It's true that often women who hire doulas will also want to have minimal intervention, home births etc. I'd assumed my doula would do mostly home births etc but she said that's not the case.

Private maternity services are ok for uncomplicated births. If something goes wrong they will likely transfer you to an NHS hospital anyway. For that reason, I would be looking at a private wing within an NHS hospital.

And yes Adam Kay's, This is Going to Hurt written by an NHS Dr delivering babies and doing stints in a private hospital is a perfect illustration of this. People push private medical care on MN. But as Adam Kay's experience shows there is rarely the care in private hospitals if things go badly wrong. They just transfer you to the NHS.
There have been cases in the news where babies and women have died as a result of the delay in emergency treatment.

I know where I live I would opt for one NHS hospital and fight not to give birth in the other one. Ask everyone you know about good places to give birth. Some will disagree but there is usually a clear better place. I would have my partner with me, and tell him what I want and to advocate for me. He is good at this if needed, I would pay for post birth support. A cleaner, freezer full of food to be heated up or micro waved. You could stretch to a night maternity nurse who will come in and give practical help so you can sleep. I would have sorted out contacts to help with breastfeeding if I planned to do this. And given your previous bad experiences maybe consider counselling. Some NHS trusts are fairly good at offering some free and have short waiting lists, some are very long. So I would ask GP first and if not available for a while would book privately.

For the OP - you literally can't give birth at the QE, there is no maternity provision.

I think this website (and others) are full of horror stories and it isn't always helpful to read them- as can make you feel everything negative.
I had NHS care and while there were things that could be improved I was generally well looked after and postnatal care at my home from midwives was excellent.
Maybe ask mothers local to you about their experiences?

It is possible to go private if you're near a hospital that offers this - we had a brochure sent to us from one of the London ones. My eventual birth experience in an NHS hospital (vaginal but long hospital stay) would have cost £16k!

You can buy in some bits of support if you can afford it - so pay for a private midwife (there were some problems with them getting insurance to cover the birth part and I'm unsure if that got resolved) or doula who can support you during pregnancy and advocate during labour.

Some of the really grim bits are postnatal wards but some hospitals do let you pay for a single room if those are available.

If you're in an area with a good Health Visiting service you'll be a lot better off than in the US as they provide a lot more support. However some areas barely have HVs so it's very variable. My area barely had a functioning HV service and I wish we'd paid for a maternity nurse to help us in the first few weeks.

It's worth bearing in mind most women have an experience that's fine (given all the uncertainties of birth anyway). Mine was a difficult vaginal birth because of various medical conditions - I can't fault the consultant and midwife care I received during antenatal, labour and the birth itself. The labour ward was v clean, well equipped and comfortable.

My problems were caused by one awful community midwife (should have asked for a different one), the postnatal ward being awful and staff being obsessed with their BFing rates rather than actually caring for the new mums and babies.

My NHS birth experience was great. There are normally private toilets in the labour suite so you would not experience anything dirty there. On the postnatal ward you are sharing with normally around six women so you might sometimes find that the toilet has been left with something before the cleaners come around, but you aren't expected to use a dirty toilet - ask the nurses/midwives and they will clean it for you.

Giving birth on a chair in a corridor would be unusual/rare although I could see that it might happen if a hospital was very busy or a labour especially fast. I would have thought that this would be avoided at all costs. They will do their best to get you into a room of some kind.

You could look into a home birth. This is one option which is sometimes better because you actually get midwives coming to your home instead of having to travel to the hospital. There will likely be a local homebirth support group you could attend just for research. You wouldn't need to be pregnant.

I like the way that UK midwives in general listen to you and take into account your preferences. I was happier with the hands off approach to monitoring (You are still monitored, just intermittently with a hand held doppler) than I was with the monitor-heavy approach in Germany where I had my other two children. It feels to me like the UK approach has a great balance between necessary measures and avoiding anything unnecessary.

Sorry I should add that I don't think many U.K. healthcare policies pay for a private birth. Mine was covered as I pre-knew I needed caesareans for medical reasons but wouldn't have covered it otherwise.

@NameChange30 doulas have no medical training. Yes they are supposed to help you get the birth you want. I think they are good for women who do not have a supportive partner, friend or relative who can give good support and advocate. Advocate simply means pushing for what the woman wants in a non aggressive and assertive manner.
No one can give a woman the birth she wants. Labour is unpredictable. But if you have clear things you want like an epidural then they can help push for this.
My view, pay for it if you want. But I think it is a waste of money.

Worked in NHS for 20 years, the bad experiences are a small percentage. There is a private hospital near us and when something goes wrong patients are straight to our A&E. I personally would never use private hospitals from choice (and I've had three births albeit a long time ago). When it comes to an emergency I would want to be in an NHS hospital and the wards I work on are immaculate, although some are old and scruffy, the cleaners are cleaning it continually.

Honestly post natal care is usually where the lack is. If you don't need medical care and your children are not at risk from you, you are usually left to get on with it. Put money into this.
The NHS funds post natal care for those who really need it. A friend had fantastic care in a residential mother and baby unit for mothers with severe mental health problems. But simply struggling uofyen means you get little help.

I haven't used a doula but generally the recommendation is that you meet them for a chat and see if you get on before working with them - their role is to advocate for what you want - they don't only support natural births.
It seems like a good option for support to me- especially if you don't have family who can do it. There is evidence that women have better outcomes with one.
Where I live there aren't any private maternity options - I would definitely consider a doula.

A friend who is a dr opted to get their cancer operation on the nhs rather than a private hospital even though they had private health insurance. They were clear for their operation because of the risks, the nhs hospital was safer. I was surprised but assumed they knew what they were talking about.

Why the condescending explanations? I know what a doula is and isn't, i used one. I know what advocate means. I know that labour is unpredictable (no shit Sherlock!)

How do you know that doulas are a waste of money if you've never used one?!

I have a husband who is generally supportive but was shit during both births. First time around he'd never attended a birth before, second time had obviously only attended the first one. Despite having attended the antenatal classes did not seem to know what I needed. Was not particularly calm or helpful, I think he was just stressed out by the whole thing. Did not feel informed enough or confident enough to challenge the HCPs.

My doula was worth her weight in gold throughout pregnancy and during the birth. They're not medically qualified, that's not the point - they provide emotional and practical support. But they have experience of attending many births, so they know what can happen and what can help. They are not your partner / mother / sister so they are less emotionally involved, won't panic (as some people might) and will be calm and supportive as that is literally their job.

Don't tell me they're a waste of money. They are not for everyone, some people don't feel they need a doula, but they can be very helpful indeed.

I had an absolutely wonderful experience. I had a water birth, a midwife and student midwife with my thought and then just happened to go on to the ward with no one else present, so had a bay of 6 to myself. I stayed in overnight and the nurses were very responsive.

I realise though, that it's probably quite usual to experience that, and I am sure it won't be the same next time.

@GreenRainbowSun I know what doulas advertise. I am speaking from knowledge here of particular doulas who try and persuade women not to have any interventions.
They are not medically trained and it is an unregulated job. So some may be helpful, but some I know are not.

@NameChange30 I thought you were condescending to me and still are being.
I am glad you had a good doula who helped you.

I would go with private attached to nhs personally. There is no continuity of care - you are just on a conveyor belt - some hospitals are more in a rush than others.

I've had 3 kids, only one on the NHS (the others abroad) and the NHS birth was hands down the best, even though on paper it was the hairiest.

you’re setting yourself up for anxiety by focusing on all the bad things you’ve read about the NHS and you’re not even pregnant yet. people don’t post stories of their positive straightforward hospital stays, it’s those who feel let down who come online to rant about it

NHS is a pot of luck. It can be great or disaster. In my experience you need to be extremely confident and demanding in order to get a good care on NHS even if you are lucky enough to be able to choose a good hospital.
If you can afford it then go private. I would advise to go for a private wing of a big NHS hospital rather than a fully independent private one just in case.

Hi OP,
I've given birth twice in an NHS hospital, the first time wasn't great and left me feeling daunted and stressed when it came to my second. So much so that I ended up crying at my booking in appointment! (The first NHS appointment when they check your details, give your initial scan etc) I actually found that this was the best thing i could have done. From this point I was classed as being anxious and I have to be honest that the NHS couldn't have done more for me. My second pregnancy and labour were a completely different and positive experience where I was listened too and given back controll.
So basically when the time comes what I'm trying to say is tell them how your feeling, what you've been through, how this is making you feel etc. They will help and I think (hope) you'll find your NHS experience will be a lot more positive.
Good luck to you & I'm sorry for your previous treatment.

I had both my children in Essex and had an excellent experience, the midwives were extremely attentive, I was fully listened to and I was able to make my own decisions about how I wanted to give birth and felt safe and in control at all times.
Can you look at what hospitals are available to you and research what their care is like? Some hospitals do have poor care and are well known for it, I avoided one particular hospital as I’d always had bad experiences there.

Sorry to hear this is making you feel so anxious. Just to offer a positive experience (and I know that we were fortunate that there were no complications etc). I had both my babies at the Rosie (midwife led unit at Addenbrookes hospital in Cambridge) and both times the quality of care was outstanding and they were really positive births. I had a massive private room with bed, en suite, birthing pool, mood lighting and a sound system to play music on, and one to one care throughout. I really couldn't fault it. I didn't even see or hear anyone else giving birth as the rooms were so private. So please don't think that these horror stories are the norm, or a definite, as they really aren't. I think when people have a hard time you are likely to hear these stories more, as it sounds too cocky to talk about how great your experience is, especially in the 'mum circuit' when you don't know how traumatic someone else's experience might have been.

I also did an active birthing course called Daisy birthing while I was pregnant to mentally prepare me, as I was so scared of giving birth. This was so helpful and informative as I learned about the different options/potential scenarios, so I knew more what to expect and what might be offered in terms of pain relief and the stages of labour, and how to try and deal with them.

If your pregnancy is low risk you could consider a midwife led unit or even a home birth. Many trusts are aiming for continuity of care here too, meaning you should theoretically have one midwife throughout the pregnancy and for the birth, but in reality I guess this doesn't always happen.

Not wishing to undermine those who have had terrible experiences or anything. I'm sure some people have even had different experiences of the Rosie. But mine, at least, was very positive. Hope that helps.

To not even be pregnant, and yet worrying that the maternity nurses might be rude to you, is honestly beyond me.

The NHS is highly, highly likely to deliver your baby safely, and keep the pair of you alive. It might do it against a backdrop of slightly suspect lavs and tired nurses in crocs. If you want an experience not often glimpsed outside a Lifetime movie, go private or (temporarily) go home.