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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Unable to see my baby in NICU due to covid restrictions

317 replies

francesca26 · 03/01/2022 06:11

I feel so alone I needed to post this to see if anyone else has been or is in a similar situation.

I have been in hospital since 30/12 for a scheduled induction. The process didn't start until 31/12 due to how busy they were and I was on a ward with several other women. One of these women tested positive for covid on 31/12 just as my contractions started and I was informed that I had been 'exposed'. I didn't think too much of it at this point and was just focusing on birthing my baby.

At 17.57pm on 01/01/22 my son was born at 38+4 . He had breathing difficulties and was 'grunty' so was taken straight to NICU, I had a brief cuddle but hardly any skin to skin.

The NICU doctor then informed me that because I had been 'exposed' that I would not be able to visit my son in NICU at all, even though I was testing negative. 💔

It has now been over 24hrs since I gave birth and I have had no contact with my baby. I have been put in a segregated room on the post natal ward. I'm not allowed to leave and can't have any visitors.

My heart is honestly breaking. I also have a 2 year old at home who I haven't seen for 4 days now.

Baby is improving and although he is still on oxygen, the levels are much better than they were. However I've not got any time frame on when they think he will be able to be moved up to post natal and be with me.

I feel like this is really affecting my mental health. I know my baby is in the best place but I am being treated like I have covid, even though I am negative and double jabbed.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm stuck in this room, without either of my children and I can't leave unless I discharge myself which they have advised me not to do incase baby is able to move up at some point.

😢💔

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 03/01/2022 12:01

@OMG12

Oh and make sure you ask to see your notes ALL the time, there’s a real trend of them being falsified, usually to set you up as being some sort of hysterical mother. Mine stated I was “prone to phobias” no idea where that came from. I’ve seen people through work successfully suing over this point.

You can also be stuck between the egos of midwives and nicu staff - I can remember and all out argument in front of me.

🤔🤔 don’t understand this post at all.....OP will have had her maternity notes in her possession at all time through her pregnancy.....she can read them at any time......I’m not sure what country you live in but that is a very serious allegation you are making that ‘there’s a real trend of them being falsified’ .....I would be taking that information a lot higher ....you have a duty of care if you are aware this is happening where you live
Wheresthebeach · 03/01/2022 12:07

@OMG12

Oh and make sure you ask to see your notes ALL the time, there’s a real trend of them being falsified, usually to set you up as being some sort of hysterical mother. Mine stated I was “prone to phobias” no idea where that came from. I’ve seen people through work successfully suing over this point.

You can also be stuck between the egos of midwives and nicu staff - I can remember and all out argument in front of me.

A trend to falsify medical notes?

Are you trying to wind the OP up more with such an outrageous accusation against medical staff?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/01/2022 12:12

*OMG12

Oh and make sure you ask to see your notes ALL the time, there’s a real trend of them being falsified, usually to set you up as being some sort of hysterical mother. Mine stated I was “prone to phobias” no idea where that came from. I’ve seen people through work successfully suing over this point.

You can also be stuck between the egos of midwives and nicu staff - I can remember and all out argument in front of me.*

I know I have been accused of lacking empathy, but seriously how can you possibly think this post is in anyway helpful to a recently delivered mother whose baby is in the special care baby unit ?

Roomba · 03/01/2022 12:15

This must be so hard for you. I was too ill to be wheeled down to visit DS1 in NICU for a couple of days (16+ years ago now - how did it fly so fast?). I remember how anxious and lonely it felt.

I hope you are being supported to express milk? I remember the fun of spending an hour painfully extracting a teaspoon of bright yellow colostrum for DS. Until day 3, when I woke up looking like Lola Ferrari and couldn't express the pints fast enough Grin. My ex was allowed in to see DS, so would update me. And I remember almost hating him as he was allowed to see my baby when I couldn't.

Fingers crossed your baby is well enough to be back with you very soon. It's awful, but you really can't risk the very fragile, tiny babies in NICU. As I had to explain to my FIL when he turned up to visit with a stinking cold and the nurse turned him away.

User310 · 03/01/2022 12:15

@fairgame84
What a lovely post.

Sorry you are working in the situation you are but this situation is wrong. This is an infrastructure problem that causes emotional harm to mother and baby. This is not the fault of an ICU doctor or nurse, this is the fault of higher management and ‘the powers that be’.

Just because you are doing everything within your power to minimise risk and harm does not mean others are. This situation is wrong and a complete failing from our health care system. Just another cock up to add to the catalogue of our declining NHS. Urghh, thoroughly depressing.

keepmovingslow · 03/01/2022 12:23

I'm so so sorry. Praying your baby gets better soon xx

OMG12 · 03/01/2022 12:33

@Neurodiversitydoctor

Oh and make sure you ask to see your notes ALL the time, there’s a real trend of them being falsified

Really ? That is an incredibly serious assertion. All maternity notes are hand held so OP can see them anytime.

Yes really. Luckily the courts also view it this way.

The actions and lies of maternity workers contributed significantly to mine and 1000s of others ptsd. Unfortunately unless you’ve been in this position everyone thinks all midwives are like in call the midwife- anything goes wrong its all closing ranks- mothers are shut down. Thankfully this is starting to come to the publics attention with the ever increasing reviews into maternity services.

OMG12 · 03/01/2022 12:36

@Neurodiversitydoctor

*OMG12

Oh and make sure you ask to see your notes ALL the time, there’s a real trend of them being falsified, usually to set you up as being some sort of hysterical mother. Mine stated I was “prone to phobias” no idea where that came from. I’ve seen people through work successfully suing over this point.

You can also be stuck between the egos of midwives and nicu staff - I can remember and all out argument in front of me.*

I know I have been accused of lacking empathy, but seriously how can you possibly think this post is in anyway helpful to a recently delivered mother whose baby is in the special care baby unit ?

Having been in this position and being made to feel like I’m the unreasonable one and having to have years of therapy as a result of the appalling care that happens to thousands of new mothers I would have found it helpful to know I wasn’t the unreasonable one
CrumpledCrumpet · 03/01/2022 12:44

I remember how stringent the infection control was when mine was in NICU. Only parents were allowed in which made things quite tricky as we had no childcare for our eldest. My DH got a sore throat and had to stay away.

Having a baby in NICU is horrible at the best of times, it must be especially hard right now. Perhaps there are other arrangements that the hospital can put in place for the OP but infection control is critical and has to be the top priority, especially in the current circumstances.

BoredZelda · 03/01/2022 12:50

We are almost 2 years into the COVID pandemic and hospital staff still seem to think it is appropriate to separate newborn and mother.

Happens all the time with NNICU, long before Covid. Sometimes, it is what is best for the baby. Once you've been through NNICU, you'd understand.

BoredZelda · 03/01/2022 12:51

there’s a real trend of them being falsified

Of course, you have proof of that.....

TyrannosaurusRegina · 03/01/2022 12:54

@Neurodiversitydoctor

Sad I understand, but angry , why with who ? The NICU actions seem entirely appropriate to me. Of course OP is testing negative now the virus has a 3 day incubation period. They have to protect : a) The staff b) The incredibly vulnerable premature infants the staff care for c) The parents of the other babies on the unit.
I couldn't agree more. I know how tough it must be on the OP, I truly get it, but turn above must be considered. An extremely vulnerable baby could die if he/she caught covid.
BoredZelda · 03/01/2022 12:57

The neonatal network is currently under immense pressure and babies are being transferred hours away to the nearest cot, even twins are being separated. I'm in Yorkshire and last week our nearest cot was in Scotland.

This isn't new either. 12 years ago I was nearly in the opposite situation. Gave birth in Central Scotland and the nearest cots were in Aberdeen and Sheffield. I "skipped the queue" as I needed an emergency C-Section to save our lives and took the last cot in Scotland. That night a woman in Aberdeen gave birth to Triplets, one remained with her, one went to Glasgow and the third to Newcastle. It was short lived and they were re-united a week later, but they had absolutely no choice that night.

Dollywilde · 03/01/2022 13:48

@LuluBlakey1 @KiloWhat @Simonjt

Sorry, I’m late back to the thread but I just meant whether there was a place for ‘potential positive’ babies, rather than a red section of NICU. Obviously we don’t know the set up at OP’s hospital but a friend of mine currently has a baby in NICU in a hospital down south and at one point they thought baby might have Covid. So they were able to keep baby in an isolation room while they waited on results of a PCR (thankfully baby was negative). What I meant was, what would they do if they suspected baby was positive - not if baby actually was. Ie the situation OP is in. IMO they should treat them as a single entity due to the attachment issues identified by others in the thread. I completely accept it’s a very tricky balance though - I really only said she should ask the question.

stairway · 03/01/2022 17:56

I was the thinking of this situation again. If they have a suggestions box this would be my idea. If you could see baby on a computer screen or phone I’m sure it would be easier for you. Also these cameras you can get now can also broadcast your voice which the baby would recognise. This would be a nice thing for NICU to introduce and is cheap and easy. We have one in our house.

Unmerited · 03/01/2022 19:41

@Neurodiversitydoctor

It is absolutely NOT a reasonable precaution and the hospital have no right to do this. I am sorry but "the hospital" can put any stipulations they see fit on vistors and visting hours. OP has the right to discharge herself and her baby (although obviously highly inadvisible if baby is on oxygen). The entitlement on this thread is mindblowing(go to PALS, make a formal complaint)- I bet you were all out clapping on a Thursday night last year, but cooperating with health services who I can assure are just doing the best they can in an incredibly difficult situation- not so much.

Flowers again OP I really do hope you can get your new born snuggles very very soon. None of this is directed at you.

Entitlement is an odd word to use in this case where the OP has very little agency at the most vulnerable time of her and her newborn’s life.
Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/01/2022 20:28

RTFT not directed at OP as I made clear.

RosesAndHellebores · 03/01/2022 21:17

There are probably issues, as always, with communication and the fact that nobody has had to common decency to explain why this is necessary to the op.

Sofiegiraffe · 03/01/2022 21:26

I wholeheartedly disagree that it is entitlement to make a complaint about something that you personally feel is wrong with regard to your own care and treatment. I also work for the NHS (mental health) and I would not regard anyone as "entitled" if they enquired about PALS. It's their right if they're unhappy. That's not to say that the staff haven't acted appropriately and proportionately in this instance. I just feel strongly that exercising one's right to complain in a situation that has caused distress and that you feel is not right, does not represent entitled behaviour.

OP, this sounds utterly horrendous. I can't imagine for a second how you must be feeling. I hope you get to see your baby very soon. Thanks

GoodPrincessWenceslas · 04/01/2022 00:31

But OP is vaccinated, symptom free and testing negative on LFTs - surely all this must count for something? How can she be more of a risk than any other visitors to NICU whose contacts are unknown?

She's known to have spent several hours in a room with someone who tested positive. We know vaccination doesn't prevent people catching the virus, we know people can be infected and asymptomatic, and we know that LFTs aren't 100% reliable. Of course she's an obvious risk. It's not her fault, it's an awful situation for her, but it would be much worse if she brought covid into a Neo-natal ICU.

Unmerited · 04/01/2022 01:16

@Neurodiversitydoctor

RTFT not directed at OP as I made clear.
I’ve read every word.
Neurodiversitydoctor · 04/01/2022 03:28

OP received advice to "kick up a fuss" , "make a stink" , "phone PALS repeatedly" and then eventually to "sue the trust" and "write to her MP" none of which would help her see her baby. The comment about entitlement was sparked by posters telling OP that the trust "Didn't have the right" to tell her she couldn't move freely from a "red" Covid zone to a "green " zone, regardless of who she might infect. That is entitlement and as I said not directed at OP at all.

Unmerited · 04/01/2022 05:49

I can understand why people feel they’d need to do these things though, I don’t think if it as entitlement, but as the result of often being badly let down at the most vulnerable times of their, or their loved ones, lives. I may not always agree, but can certainly empathise with the origin of it. Particularly given the emotive subject and where we currently are.

falalalalalalablahblah · 04/01/2022 06:33

Needing - not wanting - to see your baby, straight after birth, is not entitlement, in any way, shape or form. It is recommended, normal, natural and right.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 04/01/2022 07:12

This was all discussed much higher up on the thread at length. I maintain the advice was unhelpful and possibly counterproductive.