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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Unable to see my baby in NICU due to covid restrictions

317 replies

francesca26 · 03/01/2022 06:11

I feel so alone I needed to post this to see if anyone else has been or is in a similar situation.

I have been in hospital since 30/12 for a scheduled induction. The process didn't start until 31/12 due to how busy they were and I was on a ward with several other women. One of these women tested positive for covid on 31/12 just as my contractions started and I was informed that I had been 'exposed'. I didn't think too much of it at this point and was just focusing on birthing my baby.

At 17.57pm on 01/01/22 my son was born at 38+4 . He had breathing difficulties and was 'grunty' so was taken straight to NICU, I had a brief cuddle but hardly any skin to skin.

The NICU doctor then informed me that because I had been 'exposed' that I would not be able to visit my son in NICU at all, even though I was testing negative. 💔

It has now been over 24hrs since I gave birth and I have had no contact with my baby. I have been put in a segregated room on the post natal ward. I'm not allowed to leave and can't have any visitors.

My heart is honestly breaking. I also have a 2 year old at home who I haven't seen for 4 days now.

Baby is improving and although he is still on oxygen, the levels are much better than they were. However I've not got any time frame on when they think he will be able to be moved up to post natal and be with me.

I feel like this is really affecting my mental health. I know my baby is in the best place but I am being treated like I have covid, even though I am negative and double jabbed.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm stuck in this room, without either of my children and I can't leave unless I discharge myself which they have advised me not to do incase baby is able to move up at some point.

😢💔

OP posts:
mummyh2016 · 03/01/2022 10:35

@HNY2022

It shouldn't be hidden away in some terms that aren't freely available

I had my baby during covid so I was worried about restrictions. I checked my hospital’s policies on all neonatal matters every few days for updates. I’m sure it’s there if someone actually looks for it.

It's not at my hospital, I've looked all over the website. There are also around 50 different documents on my badger app including info about NICU yet the visiting t+cs aren't on there. I would presume to see them I'd need to contact PALS or my midwife. Not exactly easily accessible.
Teacupsandtrainers · 03/01/2022 10:36

Like I say nearly 2 years on and there is no contingency plan, it's ridiculous

Just because you don’t like the plan doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Clearly the plan is to prioritize the health of the NICU babies over the bond of the mother in these circumstances. Which is horrible for the OP but more sensible than risking the health of the whole NICU surely. And from PPs comments it’s not even particularly new rules considering they couldn’t visit there with a cold or sickness bug prior to covid.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 03/01/2022 10:39

Honestly I really feel for OP it must be so hard for her right now, but there are some absolutly bonkers posts on here. My son was in nicu after an induction for nearly 3 weeks, to see people would risk giving him a respiratory disesse while he was fighting to breath unaided, because their wants are more important has really upset me. Utter selfishness!

Starcaller · 03/01/2022 10:39

I think it's incredibly upsetting but I understand why it's being done. I also wouldn't worry too much about the bonding thing. When they are tiny and unwell, babies often have to spend time away from parents - it's not massively uncommon for lots of reasons, and I wouldn't be panicking about lifelong issues from it. But it is very sad for you and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

You should be helped to express milk for your baby and if you do want to breastfeed I recommend pumping every 2-3 hours to get your supply established. You won't get much till your milk comes in but any colostrum will be great for a poorly baby.

I agree with others who have said that a tiny newborn on oxygen needs to be as protected from Covid as possible, as well as all the other v vulnerable babies in NICU. It sucks for you, but if you did develop Covid, the consequences could be awful and much more long-lasting than the period of isolation. There are no winners here, really. It's just a shit situation.

Look after yourself, get your DH to take lots of pics, something of yours for baby to smell, make sure you are eating and drinking and know that however shit this is, you have the rest of your life to cuddle that baby when it's safe to do so Thanks

Sandra2010 · 03/01/2022 10:41

I'm so sorry, sweetheart, this must be agony for you. However, covid won't always come up on tests immediately. They have to protect the other mums and babies too, and, tbh, staff as well, they're so short at the moment. I promise, you won't forget it, but it won't seem as important in a few weeks when you're both home. However, do be extra aware of post-natal 'blues' and get help if you're struggling, don't think you have to be brave. I waited too long and I wish I'd asked for support sooner. Congratulations on your new baby xxx

Campfirewood · 03/01/2022 10:42

I do love how many medical experts pile onto these threads. Unhelpfully telling the Op she should be angry and she won't bond. Actual Doctors have been on here explaining why this is happening (protect entire NICU) and people are still up in arms.

Op, you'll have no trouble bonding, I too was away from my newborn due to an emergency and we had no trouble at all. I'd speak with the Doctors and find out what the plan is, in terms of discharge, if the breathing wasn't that bad anyway, hopefully you'll be home for cuddles before you know it :-)
I think the 1-2 days after giving birth, anyway, are super emotional and hard, so be kind to yourself and rest. Flowers

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 03/01/2022 10:43

I can’t imagine how you feel, how utterly awful.
My baby was born at 38 plus 4 recently and had grunty breathing and spent 5 days on oxygen in neonatal. It almost broke me when I had to return to the post natal ward each night. At one point they tried to discharge me and told me I’d have to pump milk but I freaked out and they let me stay. Anyways, I think its horrible for you. But I guess they want to filter out any covid from getting to neonatal. I doubt you’ll get round their covid rules, but your baby will be out soon and this will feel like a distant memory. Xxx

Xenia · 03/01/2022 10:46

Someone mentioned NHS policy not always being clear. When my child had a baby in London last month even basic things such as can you visit your daughter in hospital after the baby were so unclear on the website i had to telephone a busy unit to ask (and indeed visits were banned other than your husband/baby's father) which was fine - we just wanted to know in advance as did not want to arrive and be thrown out.

Hopefully the poster will have had a negative test by now and be allowed in anyway.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 03/01/2022 10:47

Oh - and we had no bonding issues at all. I only held him once a day for the first few days!

user1471530109 · 03/01/2022 10:49

I am disgusted by some of the comments on here. Clearly most have never been on NICU. Even some of the pp saying they are nurses/midwives I have to wonder Hmm when the last time they had access.

OP, I hope some of the other mums on here have reassured you a little about the impact of being separated from a newborn. Unfortunately many experience separation for various medical emergencies/reasons. When my DD was on high flo oxygen she was weaned off quickly. Things change very quickly on NICU.

Is your ds in the neonatal unit or NICU? They are often in the same area and sometimes get used interchangeably. If he is in NICU, (so needs the most care-i think I saw some babies on oxygen in HDU rather than the ICU room)it would be really inadvisable to put him at risk. This is putting aside the fact of the extremely vulnerable other babies.

I can't imagine what the infection control is like on the NICU during a pandemic. It was so high pre-covid! My hands actually bled from all the cleaning. The hospital my DD was in would only allow parents to visit, no other relatives so my other DC never saw her sister. 8 weeks we were in. Thankfully a distant memory now. This time will pass.

They are not keeping OP's baby away from her to be cruel or because it's an inconvenience to allow them to be together. As soon as her DS is off oxygen and they feel out of the woods, I would imagine he will be sent up to her. The 10 days mentioned was if he stays in the neonatal unit for that amount of time. I'd be pushing for one of the drs to talk to OP to explain the plan. What is the earliest they expect him to be allowed up to her for example? @francesca26 , I used to ring in the middle of the night-they will always answer the phone and answer questions Flowers. I didn't always get to speak to a Dr, but one if the nurses always took the time to explain everything. This was on top of visiting so do feel you can do so. In fact, pre-covid the drs would have come up to the ward to speak to me face to face but this may not happen with infection control?

@Neurodiversitydoctor I wanted to say thank you for all you did whilst working on NICU. I often think of my dd's neonatologist. She went above and beyond for her and will always have a place in my heart for all she did.

Please don't take these atrocious comments on here to heart.

Yuledo · 03/01/2022 10:50

Who would look after all the babies if all the NICU staff succumb? What about the babies themselves?

I empathise with the op, but the health of many, trumps the wishes of the op, hard as that might be for her.

Bettyboopawoop · 03/01/2022 10:52

It's a hard situation not so long back I was in hospital for 7 days and spent them in isolation in a room in the hospital it was awful, but too not be able to see your baby as well is 190 times worst, The thing is if you do contract it you don't want too pass it onto your baby, but on the same point there will be staff working on NICU who have been partying over Christmas who pose a risk to your baby anyway I don't know what the answer is but I truly feel for you.

whereissit · 03/01/2022 10:52

I don't think anyone is advocating that high risk individuals enter nicu - obviously that would be a bad idea.

It's just shocking that nearly two years on a proper plan hasn't been made about what to do with full term babies who need a little assistance born to mothers with covid exposure - it must be lots of women. Also ops DH could be exposed when he goes into a shop etc yet he's okay to be with the child?

People saying op will definitely bond with her baby are just as bad as people saying she won't. If op bonds with her baby that's great but there's no shame in admitting weeks/months down the line that she hasn't and seeking support.

Kitkat151 · 03/01/2022 10:54

@asnippersdream

That is disgraceful. I'm all for following Covid restrictions but keeping a mother away from a newborn baby is diabolical. Please ask again for their reasoning.
🤔 🧐 hmmm not let me think.....what might their reasoning be?....🙄
ArabellaScott · 03/01/2022 10:54

So sorry, OP. Flowers

rubbishatballet · 03/01/2022 10:54

But OP is vaccinated, symptom free and testing negative on LFTs - surely all this must count for something? How can she be more of a risk than any other visitors to NICU whose contacts are unknown?

I completely understand and have experience of the need for people to stay away from NICU with any form of infection, but in 'normal' times how would anyone know if they were symptom free but actually incubating norovirus or flu that manifests later that day? Doesn't that mean accepting the same sort of level of risk?

Olliesocks · 03/01/2022 10:55

@user1471530109

I am disgusted by some of the comments on here. Clearly most have never been on NICU. Even some of the pp saying they are nurses/midwives I have to wonder Hmm when the last time they had access.

OP, I hope some of the other mums on here have reassured you a little about the impact of being separated from a newborn. Unfortunately many experience separation for various medical emergencies/reasons. When my DD was on high flo oxygen she was weaned off quickly. Things change very quickly on NICU.

Is your ds in the neonatal unit or NICU? They are often in the same area and sometimes get used interchangeably. If he is in NICU, (so needs the most care-i think I saw some babies on oxygen in HDU rather than the ICU room)it would be really inadvisable to put him at risk. This is putting aside the fact of the extremely vulnerable other babies.

I can't imagine what the infection control is like on the NICU during a pandemic. It was so high pre-covid! My hands actually bled from all the cleaning. The hospital my DD was in would only allow parents to visit, no other relatives so my other DC never saw her sister. 8 weeks we were in. Thankfully a distant memory now. This time will pass.

They are not keeping OP's baby away from her to be cruel or because it's an inconvenience to allow them to be together. As soon as her DS is off oxygen and they feel out of the woods, I would imagine he will be sent up to her. The 10 days mentioned was if he stays in the neonatal unit for that amount of time. I'd be pushing for one of the drs to talk to OP to explain the plan. What is the earliest they expect him to be allowed up to her for example? @francesca26 , I used to ring in the middle of the night-they will always answer the phone and answer questions Flowers. I didn't always get to speak to a Dr, but one if the nurses always took the time to explain everything. This was on top of visiting so do feel you can do so. In fact, pre-covid the drs would have come up to the ward to speak to me face to face but this may not happen with infection control?

@Neurodiversitydoctor I wanted to say thank you for all you did whilst working on NICU. I often think of my dd's neonatologist. She went above and beyond for her and will always have a place in my heart for all she did.

Please don't take these atrocious comments on here to heart.

I’m sad that @francesca26 is experiencing this, but I agree with what you have written.
Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/01/2022 10:58

Also ops DH could be exposed when he goes into a shop etc yet he's okay to be with the child?

It's all about risk assesment, if community levels rise, the unit may introduce a no visitor policy. Also they can insist the DP wears a mask, they can't do that for the mother's as they are patients not visitors.

PieMistee · 03/01/2022 10:59

OP my heart hurts for you. I was separated not from my newborn but my children when they were very young for a number of weeks and I imagine the pain is worse.

I am sure you understand that this is for the greater good. The babies in NICU are already extremely vulnerable and they must be protected at all costs. However, it must be so terribly hard. It may feel like to now but the long-term is very unlikely to be affected as there is so much you can do. Lots of NICU babies have no skin on skin with their parents until much older, my good friend' daughter wasn't held for 7 weeks and at 15 those two are as close as can be.
Thinking of you Flowers

Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/01/2022 11:01

I'm not sure why my spell check keeps turning my plurals into possesives.

Moon12345 · 03/01/2022 11:02

Hi OP, I’ve sent you a PM. The exact same thing happened to my baby when he was born and also during covid. I’ve dropped you a message x

Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/01/2022 11:04

user1471530109

It is nice to hear positive outcomes I hope your LO is healthy and doing well. That is why paediatrics is so rewarding, most children do really well. Heart breaking of course when they don't...

CharSiu · 03/01/2022 11:04

I feel very sorry for you op it must be incredibly upsetting.

@Neurodiversitydoctor thank you for your explanations and I’m sorry you have been personally attacked on this thread.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/01/2022 11:06

I gave it up as the 13 hour shifts were no good for my own babies, I sometimes miss it.

TabithaTittlemouse · 03/01/2022 11:11

I’m really sorry that you are going through this op but they aren’t doing it to punish you.
They are protecting your baby and all the others on the ward.

Are you getting regular updates?