Unable to see my baby in NICU due to covid restrictions

[francesca26]

I feel so alone I needed to post this to see if anyone else has been or is in a similar situation.

I have been in hospital since 30/12 for a scheduled induction. The process didn't start until 31/12 due to how busy they were and I was on a ward with several other women. One of these women tested positive for covid on 31/12 just as my contractions started and I was informed that I had been 'exposed'. I didn't think too much of it at this point and was just focusing on birthing my baby.

At 17.57pm on 01/01/22 my son was born at 38+4 . He had breathing difficulties and was 'grunty' so was taken straight to NICU, I had a brief cuddle but hardly any skin to skin.

The NICU doctor then informed me that because I had been 'exposed' that I would not be able to visit my son in NICU at all, even though I was testing negative. 💔

It has now been over 24hrs since I gave birth and I have had no contact with my baby. I have been put in a segregated room on the post natal ward. I'm not allowed to leave and can't have any visitors.

My heart is honestly breaking. I also have a 2 year old at home who I haven't seen for 4 days now.

Baby is improving and although he is still on oxygen, the levels are much better than they were. However I've not got any time frame on when they think he will be able to be moved up to post natal and be with me.

I feel like this is really affecting my mental health. I know my baby is in the best place but I am being treated like I have covid, even though I am negative and double jabbed.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm stuck in this room, without either of my children and I can't leave unless I discharge myself which they have advised me not to do incase baby is able to move up at some point.

😢💔

I have a relative who was exposed to covid in a hospital environment and it took 6 days for her test to show positive. There is no way I would risk transmission to a NICU environment.

It is terrible and cruel OP, but I do believe the hospital is doing the right thing. Hope you are with your baby soon.

@francesca26 there should be mental health support available to you, our NICU unit had specially trained counsellors attached to them, but it's not always advertised enough. There should also be access to the perinatal team. They will be well placed to support you during this terrible time. I am so sorry you are going through this.

@Neurodiversitydoctor so sorry that you have been attacked and thank you for all your work. My baby was on NICU, only for a few days in the end, and I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the doctors and nurses who looked after him. Appreciate and agree with all your explanations, thank you.

Echo what others have said in that clearly a lot of commenters have no experience if NICU units and how vulnerable those babies are.

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

And you sound vile

I get it, I really do, I have had 2 nicu babies and one of them I couldn't see for the first 3 days (I was too unstable to move) and the other I couldn't hold in any way for 15 days after birth (she was too sick). However your baby and every other baby in there is medically fragile, yours as a term baby is likely to be one of the least fragile. Some of these babies will go home and be immunised against RSV (for most of us this presents as a heavy cold) for the first year or two of their lives. When I got food poisoning I couldn't visit for 3 days. When I had a tiny sniffle I couldn't visit for a week. While you are testing negative you are at a higher risk of testing positive than someone with no known exposure. It is really, really hard, but the best thing you can do for your baby right now is reduce their risk as much as you can, but the fact they're still on oxygen means something like covid could be much more serious than for another child. The nicu team's job is to take care of your baby as best they can, until they can hand them back for you to care for for the rest of their lives. I have seen too many nicu parents loose their baby in the time we were there, we came so close on a couple of occassions, nothing is worth that pain, your baby will be in your arms very soon and I hope their recovery goes smoothly.

Also it sounds flippant, but ask your midwife about the day 3 blues. It's a recognised thing in mothers and nicu mums especially, both times I ended up a sobbing heap on day 3 and was only told this was completely expected the second time, something about the hormones kicking in for milk production I think it was.

OP, I’m so sorry. So much love for you right now.

I had my son at 33 weeks in Oct 2020, and due to having been in hospital in UK before being allowed to travel home to where i live, I gave birth in isolation here where I live.

My son was taken into NICU and I was unable to see him for a few days. I also couldn’t seen my DD or DH either. Horrendous, traumatic, unfair, the list is endless.

Hopefully your baby will be out of NICU soon, it sounds like they are doing well. You will be reunited and have the biggest cuddles. Until then, it will be hell for you. Ask if the NICU staff can send you photos/videos. NICU staff did this for me in the Channel Islands, although this wasn’t NHS.

You will get through this awful time, it’s so hard. Hoping baby is well enough to leave NICU soon. Much love xxxx

I am with @LuchiMangsho and @Neurodiversitydoctor. To the latter, I am so sorry about some of the comments made to you, when you have just been informative and supportive, but simply not saying what people in OP's position would want to hear. I would have full faith in you as my health provider.

OP, I fully understand this is very far from what you expected your first 10 days with your newborn would be. However, please try to focus on the lovely time you will have with your baby, once you can see and hold them, which will only take a few more days. The more you are upsetting yourself now and conceptualising this experience as traumatic and your treatment as cruel (and have this impression reinforced by others), the more likely that it will affect your mental health. Instead of writing to PALS or MPs, I would ask health providers for assistance on how to mentally manage the situation, so you can mitigate the risks for your mental health as much as you can. Try to count your blessings here, and make the best of the present situation. So many congrats on your baby!

This is nothing new! I had my DS 20 years ago - he went into NICU straight from birth for similar reasons. I was very poorly after the birth and couldn't physically get to the unit on my own for several days.

In NICU, the priority is the babies - rightly so. The parents are not. Even 20 years ago, parents were not allowed to visit if they had eg cold symptoms etc . Other family members weren't allowed in.

I imagine many of you have never been in a NICU unit. Some of those babies are very poorly and very ill. It really isn't possible to not risk infecting many of them.

OP should be able to express milk for her baby.

The staff will be doing what is best for the majority. I know how hard it is to be separated from a new born, but it will only be for a short time. Dad is able to visit. I couldn't live with myself if I infected a premature or very sick baby when it could have been avoided.

It shouldn't be hidden away in some terms that aren't freely available. Like I say nearly 2 years on and there is no contingency plan, it's ridiculous.

It isn't hidden away. And there is a contingency plan. It remains from pre-covid times that if any person, yes, even a parent, could risk the health of a unit full of vulnerable babies and staff, they are asked to stay away.

Everyone who is up in arms about how terrible this is, perhaps you might like to consider all the ways having a NNICU baby impacts on parents and the things hospitals and governments aren't doing to help, and actually do something to highlight that, rather than picking on this one policy which is actually something they do right.

And instead of jumping up and down heightening the fears of a woman afraid she wont bond with her baby, take a moment to consider how your misinformation is actually making it worse not only for her but for any other woman in this situation.

So sorry op this is heartbreaking for you. My worst nightmare at the moment as I'm 26 wks

This is absolutely disgusting! We are almost 2 years into the COVID pandemic and hospital staff still seem to think it is appropriate to separate newborn and mother.

I can understand this happening in the beginning, but to not have put any provisions in place to accommodate for situations such as these at this point seems to me to be a complete lack of health care ‘morals’ so to speak - do no harm ect.

This is an unnecessary situation. The children’s ward have navigated this situation already and has separated the ward into two. Green, amber and red. Amber would be for potentially infected.

Sorry into three that meant to say.

This is terrible, I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I had a similar position in not being able to see my baby , although it was because we were both really poorly. But, unfortunately maternity wards seemingly are unable to deal with anything apart from run of the mill in and out births. They don’t have any concept of maternal mental health and the things that affect that.

I would point you in the direction of the Birth Trauma Association - they have an excellent Facebook presence, peer support and zoom calls. There might be someone on there who has gone through exactly what you are going through.

IME you need to be very forceful with these people to get what is right for you and your baby.

Something similar happened to me, for different reasons. I was just left in a side ward and pretty much ignored. It was only when I threatened to withdraw my consent for them to treat my dc in that hospital that they sat up and took notice, and stopped thinking that my upset was just postnatal hormonal tears.

It appears that, like they did with me, that they've forgotten that as well as your baby being a patient, you are too.

@eagerlywaitingfor

Something similar happened to me, for different reasons. I was just left in a side ward and pretty much ignored. It was only when I threatened to withdraw my consent for them to treat my dc in that hospital that they sat up and took notice, and stopped thinking that my upset was just postnatal hormonal tears.

It appears that, like they did with me, that they've forgotten that as well as your baby being a patient, you are too.

Hmmm I would take this response with a pinch of salt🙄 if OP threat ended that in my trust ....she would be referred to children’s services....her bay could die without treatment....whose best interests would that be in?

@User310

This is absolutely disgusting! We are almost 2 years into the COVID pandemic and hospital staff still seem to think it is appropriate to separate newborn and mother.

I can understand this happening in the beginning, but to not have put any provisions in place to accommodate for situations such as these at this point seems to me to be a complete lack of health care ‘morals’ so to speak - do no harm ect.

This is an unnecessary situation. The children’s ward have navigated this situation already and has separated the ward into two. Green, amber and red. Amber would be for potentially infected.

I think an intensive care unit for very premature and sick babies us rather different from a children's ward. Similar protocols have existed in NICU for years.

I am so sorry that you are going through this OP. But heartbreaking as it is, the hospital are trying to protect your and everyone else's babies and the staff who are looking after them. Sorry but I don't think your mental health trumps the health and safety of yours and all the other babies in nciu or that of the staff who are looking after them. Hard as it is I would wait if that's in the best interests of your baby in NCIU. If you can't cope then discharge yourself, at least it will only be you and your baby that will be affected and not everyone else's. If it were me I would try and organise a video call with family where i could see my toddler and hang in there. Good luck OP and I hope your baby will be well enough to be with you soon

Oh and make sure you ask to see your notes ALL the time, there’s a real trend of them being falsified, usually to set you up as being some sort of hysterical mother. Mine stated I was “prone to phobias” no idea where that came from. I’ve seen people through work successfully suing over this point.

You can also be stuck between the egos of midwives and nicu staff - I can remember and all out argument in front of me.

IME you need to be very forceful with these people to get what is right for you and your baby.

And what about the parents of the baby born weeks premature, or the one with a congenital heart defect or the many other serious issues of the other babies in NICU? What do their parents have to do to ensure what is right for their little ones?

Oh and make sure you ask to see your notes ALL the time, there’s a real trend of them being falsified

Really ? That is an incredibly serious assertion. All maternity notes are hand held so OP can see them anytime.

@seeline

You could say the same about practices of old which are now completely outdated and proven to be of no benefit, even harmful. Just because this is the way it is doesn’t mean it is the right approach.

@Seeline

IME you need to be very forceful with these people to get what is right for you and your baby.

And what about the parents of the baby born weeks premature, or the one with a congenital heart defect or the many other serious issues of the other babies in NICU? What do their parents have to do to ensure what is right for their little ones?

This I can’t believe how many selfish posts on this thread....why would the wants of one healthy post partum mother be put above the potential lives of several very sick and/or premature babies....it’s not great....but it’s not forever.....unlike some mothers who never get to take their babies home. I very much hope you are reunited with your baby soon OP and his condition improves swiftly

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I had my baby a few months ago at 41 weeks and when she was born she was also grunting and taken to NICU due to her oxygen levels. I had a PPH and was extremely weak and couldn’t easily get up to NICU so had to be taken up by my husband. I could only manage it once a day for a very short time. There was one point when I started to develop a cold sore (likely due to all the stress) and I alerted the NICU doctor to check it was okay for me to visit. Both me and my husband were asked to return to the postnatal ward until they could escalate to infection control to see what precautions would need to be put in place. In the end, I was allowed back but needed to wear a mask, which was no different from usual anyways given Covid concerns.

My baby was weaned off oxygen and discharged to the postnatal ward after 4 days but that time we were separated was agony so I know how difficult this is for you. But I also remember being so nervous about the impact a cold sore could have on her and other babies. Covid is potentially worse, especially for a baby on oxygen. To let you into the ward right now when you could be infectious would be irresponsible of the hospital.

Any parent who has been separated from their baby in NICU will understand the pain you’re going through. Some of my darkest days were those few she was there, but trust me when I say you will get through this and it shouldn’t affect your bond, even though it’s so painful right now. Your partner is able to go and visit your baby, and for me that was some comfort, knowing that he was there for her.

Ask the doctors and nurses for updates and to see if they can give you an indication of discharge plans. Once my baby started being weaned off oxygen gradually, progress was pretty quick. I really do hope he’s able to come out and be with you soon.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP, it must be heart breaking.

But you must know that if there's any risk of infecting vulnerable babies with Covid that protecting the babies take precedent? In a few days, if you stay negative, you'll be able to see your baby. You might infect him, and others and then God knows what could happen.

@Seeline

This is nothing new! I had my DS 20 years ago - he went into NICU straight from birth for similar reasons. I was very poorly after the birth and couldn't physically get to the unit on my own for several days.

In NICU, the priority is the babies - rightly so. The parents are not. Even 20 years ago, parents were not allowed to visit if they had eg cold symptoms etc . Other family members weren't allowed in.

I imagine many of you have never been in a NICU unit. Some of those babies are very poorly and very ill. It really isn't possible to not risk infecting many of them.

OP should be able to express milk for her baby.

The staff will be doing what is best for the majority. I know how hard it is to be separated from a new born, but it will only be for a short time. Dad is able to visit. I couldn't live with myself if I infected a premature or very sick baby when it could have been avoided.

Indeed it was the case 30 years ago with my sister. I remember my mum not being able to visit for a week because she had a cold, and they didn’t let my dad in either in case he had caught it. My mum had to send her best friend in every day to check on my sister until my parents were allowed back in again.

Im a nicu nurse and we don't take separating mother and baby lightly. The problem isn't your baby, it's the risk to the preemies that are up there. Your baby is likely to go back to you soon.
We have a real staffing issue at the moment as lots of us are off due to covid or being a covid contact so we are unable to nurse babies in separate nurseries as previous posters have suggested.
On my nicu we have an Abbott point of care testing machine so we would test you on that and let you on if negative but not all hospitals have these devices.
It's incredibly difficult. We've had parents test positive and unable to see their baby for 10 days while they isolate. We have no choice but to do this because an outbreak could be fatal for the preemies and if staff catch it, it could also cost lives as we would have to close the unit. The neonatal network is currently under immense pressure and babies are being transferred hours away to the nearest cot, even twins are being separated. I'm in Yorkshire and last week our nearest cot was in Scotland. Our unit has a capacity for 4 hdu/itu cots and we had 7!! Hdu/itu babies.
So it's not as simple as some posters think. It's a massively complex situation.