Did you find giving birth empowering?

[GlumyGloomer]

If so then why? Firstly I'm not here to upset anyone or be goady. I am genuinely looking for people to challenge my rather negative feelings about my own birth experiences.
First birth: induction, I wasn't believed to be in established labour until I was 10cm, not even with monitoring. I had just managed to extract some pethadin from the midwives when they decided to check me and discovered I was actually fully dilated. I then had to wait around for an hour high as a kite while the pethadin wore off, and then pushed for 2+ hours trying to get a 6oz baby out. I hadn't slept in 24 hours, I was so exhausted that by the end I couldn't even feel the contractions, and despite baby crowning I just couldn't get her out. Ventouse delivery, bad tearing made worse by botched stitching, separated from baby for hours while it was put right in theater. My first day as a mum consisted of trying to care for my baby with feeding issues while still half paralyzed and hooked up with a catheter. I felt absolutely awful and so traumatised I couldn't sleep for a couple of days without relieving the botched stitching.
Second birth: spontaneous, would have been sent home from the hospital but insisted on being checked and guess what, 7cm. Minimal gas and air for pain relief (it made me feel sick). Despite having much more sleep and no strong drugs pushing still took over an hour and then I still couldn't get the head out. I tried, and it was absolute agony. Midwives decided I would definitely tear again so gave me an episiotomy, and then I was able to push 7oz baby out. I was very carefully stitched and recovered much faster, but I felt like I had strained every muscle in my body, and it still weighs on me that both births required intervention. I feel like I'm lucky my babies survived it and there is nothing to be proud of there.
It still bothers me that such a key life event really sucked, so I'm trying to find a way to change the narrative.
To repeat, I am not suggesting that people who had assisted deliveries or c sections should feel bad about it. I know it is my issue, and I am trying to change it.

The first time no - my waters broke spontaneously but the labour birth and recovery were really difficult. I was proud with what I achieved but didnt feel empowered.

The second - yes I did feel empowered. I was induced and it was a ventouse delivery but the labour, delivery and recovery were a lot better and I had a massive baby so I did feel empowered for that one.

Ha, no. Painful and awful. But worth it in the end.

Second time, very much so. I had him at home and had a midwife who was great but she was just in the room - I delivered him myself.

Not empowered exactly, but I did feel as though I'd achieved something amazing. Having said that, the birth itself (first time at least) was quite traumatic and about as medicalised as is possible without actually being a cs, and the days after that were difficult. I can totally relate to what you say, and I felt disappointed at the way it turned out for a long time. My baby is now 13 and tbh I couldn't give a toss any more how he came into the world! Go easy on yourself, OP, you've done an amazing thing

When you say oz, you really mean lbs?

Empowering ?

No. I find that an odd word to describe giving birth.
I found dc1 exhausting, painful, overwhelming, and, after the actual birth incredibly emotional
I found dcs 2 and 3 pretty easy, (although scary for dh)

But nothing that I would consider empowering.

Yes I think I did.DS 1 was back to back but we got him out without intervention in teh birthing pool. DS came in 32 minutes which was a bit alarming but in hindsight I was grateful. I found it empowering because I was always crap at PE etc and frankly probably a bit dyspraxic, but giving birth seemed to be something my body did well, so I felt pretty cheered and empowered by that and feel quite differently about my imperfections and physical shortcomings as a result!

I have DD who is 2 and a half and I'm expecting no 2 at the end of the year. Dd's was a horrific birth, ending in EMCS. I felt nothing but shell-shocked after, certainly not empowered. I've blacked out parts of it. I hope DC2's goes better but I have rock-bottom expectations for it. I think it's quite a common feeling OP when things don't go to plan during birth. For me, it's gotten easier the more time has passed.

I guess? A little. I haven’t really thought about it.
I was induced. Had a pessary and two full bags of get-this-baby-out-of-me juice via IV.
I had an epidural and had 3 minor tears that only needed one stitch each.
I guess I felt empowered in going through the experience, and had a sense of achievement for actually managing to have a baby after a difficult fertility journey. I certainly don’t feel less empowered by using pain relief (not saying OP is suggesting that but it’s something I’ve heard before).
Overall it was a pretty positive experience. The recovery period sucked but the birth was good.

I know what you mean about not wanting to be goady, but I find it really difficult to understand how anyone can find birth "empowering". I also feel that that word is chosen deliberately to push a mentality that we should all have to have natural births and no medication and if we don't then we have failed in some way.

Saying that, the reason I didn't feel "empowered" for both of my labours was that I felt I was just getting pulled along by the tide - I had little to no control and lots of intervention. For DS1

• induction with drip due to preeclampsia, epidural after being in pain for hours, episiotomy, very nearly foreceps but managed to push him out whilst all the staff rushed in. For DS2 - popped into hospital thinking waters were leaking and just wanting to be cautious - turned out baby was transverse with high risk of cord prolapse and nearly 2lb bigger than DS1 had been; consultants suggested an 'emergency' C-section and I was patiently waiting my turn when my waters broke and I had to be rushed to theatre for an actual emergency c-section with a midwife on top of me as we were raced along the corridors physically (and painfully) holding the cord inside my cervix).

I don't think I felt anything close to "empowerment" (and wouldn't even call it that) until a couple of weeks into motherhood with each, when feeding problems etc had started to get better. It was more a moment of realisation that I could do this - "oh I'm a mum and I'm managing ok and the pain is getting better" etc etc.

Not at all. I had a very unwanted c section. Delivery was something done to me while I lay like a piece of meat paralysed from the waist down. There was nothing empowering about it.

@ilovemydogandmrobama2

When you say oz, you really mean lbs?

Lol, yes. Been baking this afternoon

First birth was a failed induction and crash c section, followed by a disastrous breastfeeding experience that ended up with hospital admission - that was the least empowering thing ever and destroyed me. Literally was a broken woman after that.

Second birth - elective c section - I felt like a fucking superhero! The spinal was brutal (they really struggled getting it in). I have anxiety disorder and needles are a massive trigger, and I kept myself completely calm and coped with it amazingly. I’m still so bloody proud of myself! Baby is 4 weeks tomorrow, feeding is going well (mix fed bottle breastmilk and breastfeed).

I didn’t find it empowering. It was an immensely painful means to an end of meeting my babies.

DD1 - I was in labour for ages and kept passing out between contractions. I finally had an epidural but it wasn’t enough to relieve the pain more than a small amount. The pushing stage was long and intense. It took months to feel like normal again.

DD2 - a much quicker labour that went from ‘bearable and no need to go to the hospital’ to ‘should have gone to the hospital half an hour ago’. Thought she might have been born in the car. Too late for an epidural but managed to beg enough for pethidine. The pushing stage was so much more painful than with DD1 but over a lot quicker. I recovered much quicker from this labour.

A friend of mine is a doula, and she had a horrific first birth, so she really wanted a great second birth, which she did. At home and she was in control. Other friends had a planned c section and we happy about it.

So much about birth is just so crap, and don't even get me started about women who go on about having an orgasm during birth.

Thanks for the replies, I'll go through them more carefully later

Only with DC3.

DC1 was induced at hospital and I felt totally out of control being prodded and poked for 48hrs. Difficult birth

DC2 home birth but very quick so felt overwhelmed and not prepared!

DC3 was another homebirth but more text book. I told the midwives to leave me alone and laboured in peace in my bedroom. Felt in control and in charge!

I didn’t at the time - I beat myself up a shit load as I’d gone for the “easy” option and chosen an elcs at the last minute. Couldn’t get pregnant naturally (ivf babies), couldn’t birth them naturally (elcs) or keep them in long enough (severe pe, born at 36+5) and couldn’t even feed them naturally (milk never bothered to show up).

I did have pnd that I ignored until they 8 months though. For the last couple of years however, I’ve changed the narrative in my head and now (in private!) say I’m a fucking superhero - I delivered two babies at once, got cut in half and we all survived to tell the tale which makes us all incredibly bloody lucky. I’m a soft squidgy and knackered badass

No. I find it an odd choice of word.
I suppose I was sort of proud of myself, especially the second time round.
I was just glad it was over.
Too busy getting to grips with a baby.

Not particularly but DD was born by c-section because of pregnancy complications. Having said that I'm in awe of my body managing to grow a baby at all despite (or perhaps because) of how much of a mess my pregnancy was. In all honesty a tiny part of me would love to have been able to deliver a baby naturally (I can't have another so it definitely won't happen) but a much bigger part of me knows how much can go wrong with vaginal births so I'm really just grateful that after a rough 9 months we had a calm and smooth c-section that gave me my gorgeous daughter.

No. Have had 2 babies and both labours were induced, very medicalised and at times I felt both completely incapable and scared. This far out is doesn't really matter any more but is definitely part of the reason there's just the two.

Nope. First birth was vaginal - fucking brutal. It was like being a slab of meat on a table. I felt completely dehumanised and in so much pain I felt like I was dying (was later told most women induced on the drip opt for an epidural - wish they'd bloody suggested it then!). My body failed every step of the way and even when I eventually pushed dc1 out, I tore extensively and then had a pph, losing 3.5 litres and ending up in HDU. Second was an ELCS - overall, much smoother and easier but nothing empowering. Felt like a medical procedure (because it was I guess) and afterwards I felt like a nuisance on the ward, which they booted me out of as quickly as they possibly could, even though I was struggling to walk and had been asking for stronger painkillers. There's nothing empowering about it ime - it's a horrible, painful experience that is necessary to get through if you want dc.

My first two, no. Both straightforward enough hospital births and while absolutely fine, I wouldn't call either of them empowering.

I had a planned home birth with DS3. I felt completely in control all the way through and when he was born I felt like some sort of all powerful earth goddess, in awe of what my body had just done. It was definitely empowering.

Or it might've just been because I was high as a kite on gas & air

Yes I did. I was induced and it was a long labour but I did feel empowered by what my body could do.

The amount of pain your body can endure during childbirth really amazed me.

I had a second degree tear and some stitches but all healed nicely. I was up and about as normal a couple of hours after the birth too which I think I was more surprised at too.

I had a lovely experience.