Did you find giving birth empowering?

[GlumyGloomer]

If so then why? Firstly I'm not here to upset anyone or be goady. I am genuinely looking for people to challenge my rather negative feelings about my own birth experiences.
First birth: induction, I wasn't believed to be in established labour until I was 10cm, not even with monitoring. I had just managed to extract some pethadin from the midwives when they decided to check me and discovered I was actually fully dilated. I then had to wait around for an hour high as a kite while the pethadin wore off, and then pushed for 2+ hours trying to get a 6oz baby out. I hadn't slept in 24 hours, I was so exhausted that by the end I couldn't even feel the contractions, and despite baby crowning I just couldn't get her out. Ventouse delivery, bad tearing made worse by botched stitching, separated from baby for hours while it was put right in theater. My first day as a mum consisted of trying to care for my baby with feeding issues while still half paralyzed and hooked up with a catheter. I felt absolutely awful and so traumatised I couldn't sleep for a couple of days without relieving the botched stitching.
Second birth: spontaneous, would have been sent home from the hospital but insisted on being checked and guess what, 7cm. Minimal gas and air for pain relief (it made me feel sick). Despite having much more sleep and no strong drugs pushing still took over an hour and then I still couldn't get the head out. I tried, and it was absolute agony. Midwives decided I would definitely tear again so gave me an episiotomy, and then I was able to push 7oz baby out. I was very carefully stitched and recovered much faster, but I felt like I had strained every muscle in my body, and it still weighs on me that both births required intervention. I feel like I'm lucky my babies survived it and there is nothing to be proud of there.
It still bothers me that such a key life event really sucked, so I'm trying to find a way to change the narrative.
To repeat, I am not suggesting that people who had assisted deliveries or c sections should feel bad about it. I know it is my issue, and I am trying to change it.

Sorry *so I ended up having uterine hyperstimulation

Probably the most empowered I've ever felt, was getting my drivers licence.

Absolutely not and I feel pathetic admitting this but it took me a good few years before I could even think about the experience of giving birth without crying!

Absolutely not. Both me and my baby almost died due to the incompetence of the medical staff. I was in labour for almost 3 days and was pretty much oblivious to the birth at the end. I was too ill to look after my baby by myself for at least 3mths and was basically robbed of the chance to properly bond with her.
Nothing empowering at all about the birth. I felt like shit for months and felt like all control had been taken from me.

Did i find it empowering ?. No, I didn’t. It was undignified, disgusting and stupefyingly painful. How I managed to endure it three times ( all unplanned pregnancies ) I’ll never know but I was sterilised at 28 and f*cking grateful for it.

I was born via emcs, and I think the trauma, and feeling like her body let her down, she wasn't woman enough, she'd "failed" somehow etc, (that and the fact she couldn't breastfeed, despite really trying her hardest), really affected my mother, and her ability to bond with me, which obviously had an impact on my whole childhood .

Before making comments like "I am grateful that my body did not let us down", can people please stop and think a second, about how that comment might affect someone else, whose body did "let them down".

No, it was exhausting, I've never felt less in control in my life, it was undignified, I didn't feel listened to and it was very painful. Epidural didn't take, I was induced as waters broke 6 weeks early and DS was back to back. I saw it as a means to an end. I'd always did I didn't understand the whole 'wonder of childbirth' narrative, believing it to be wholly disingenuous, the reality confirmed my thoughts.

No.

Yea. But they were all home births and I think I was quite lucky with it all.

My first birth was gruesome and I felt like shit for months. Forceps/Keilands Rotation. I believe I suffered PTSD right up until my second was born.
It would not be an understatement to say I was terrified 2nd time round.
It is hard to explain but almost like I had to do it again to rewrite history iyswim.
When my 2nd labour started I was almost in denial and for some reason I was able to block out all pain and lay in the bed on the ward until I was 10cms. I really did not want to go to the room of doom to deliver and kept telling them I was fine. The midwife only discovered my advanced state of labour after a routine check just before she went off duty. My waters went in the corridor on the walk to delivery suite and my second baby was born 30 seconds after I laid on the bed. I didn't even push.

I cannot begin to tell you how empowered I felt after that. I felt totally in charge and me and baby literally went home 2 hours later. I felt like supermum. So different from my birth experience first time round.

Definitely not empowering, and the birth I had with DS was about as 'easy' as it gets. It was fast, didn't hurt much and was the kind of birth people tell you only happens in films or on tv.
That isn't a brag because I absolutely believe that having an 'easy' or straightforward birth is purely down to luck. I think empowering experiences say or change something about you as a person afterwards. I refuse to believe that because I happened to be dealt some good birthing cards that this would be in any way meaningful. It makes me so sad speaking to friends who had difficult experiences say that they feel they failed in some way by having a c section. It's bullshit and it makes me so angry that women are made to feel this way when there's nothing they could have done differently.
Maybe I'm not sentimental enough but I don't see birth as an experience to savour and reminisce about. It's an event where you get your baby out of your body. Nothing more or less. A very sensible midwife running my antenatal classes said that you don't get an extra award for going all natural, you get a baby like everyone else, which really resonated with me.
I'm a few weeks away from having my second and I'm in no way expecting another straightforward birth or more confident about it because my first was fine.

Did you find giving birth empowering?

No. Messy, bloody, exhausting, painful (though not as painful as people lead you to believe), and, just "weird".

Definitely not empowering.

absolutely not, it couldn't have been much worse - we both nearly died and it was long and truly terrible.

BUT a friend who gave birth at the same time (the very next day!) had such a great experience and I like to think about hers. Super supportive midwife who helped her use a birthing stool, moving around as she wanted, delivering him into her own hands as the sun was rising... I love her story. She's not really an earth mother type or anything and she was doing it all on her own with no partner and she just clearly found it so empowering. Some people definitely do and if I had another I'd love an experience like hers.

Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience OP.

On paper, my labour and delivery were absolutely straightforward. No tearing, no complications and all done inside 8 hours. However, I would not at all say it was empowering. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced and I felt incredibly helpless and actually quite furious at how much it hurt. There wasn't time to give me any pain relief as I got to the hospital too late. I didn't enjoy a single minute of it. The only good bit was the relief when it was all over.

I sometimes think I should feel more grateful for having such a textbook experience but honestly I just feel angry that I spent weeks at NCT being told labour was empowering, that I could "breathe through" the pain hypno-birthing style, and it was all a load of shit. For me it was in no way empowering.

@Resetting

Probably the most empowered I've ever felt, was getting my drivers licence.

hear hear! Now that is empowering!

No. It was the opposite of empowering. It was degrading.

It was dangerous, painful, scary, and actually pretty gross.

I suppose I did in a way. I certainly felt triumphant (and knackered), it was a positive experience. However I didn't make a big thing out of it, it's hardly a unique experience - yes I know each birth is 'unique' for the mother but it is something most women do.

Not the tiniest slightest bit empowering. This was 1983 mind.
The room was a horrible white cell with no relaxing features in it at all. The nurses were vile and nobody cared about my birth plan which was to have an epidural early on. They kept banging on about natural birth which I didn't want because I felt something was wrong. Eventually I roared like a lion and said I was going to sue the fuck out of the lot of them if I didn't get my epidural immediately. There was a lot of running about and the epidural was given. I was dead from the waist down so good as far as I was concerned then it all went horribly wrong. I had to be cut from ear to ear, had ventouse and all done very quickly as my baby was dying. I am horrified to think about the pain I would have been in had I not had my epidural and my son would likely have died. He's OK and an adult now. But I knew and my instincts were correct. I never had any more. Couldn't face it.

No, but having grown up mostly surrounded by women discussing birth mainly has just one of those things like the rest of life -- some good, some bad, some deaths - and having had a friend die in childbirth before I had kids, I never went into it thinking I would be in control or get more confident out of it or give the power to do anything but potentially take care of a newborn.

Closest would probably be DD1, the wave of relief when her head and shoulders were out was really strong. I wouldn't call it empowering, but that estatic rush of hormones and being at the end of something really difficult, I felt it most with her birth.

The least empowering was DD2, a home birth (since that keeps being mentioned as an empowering thing). I had the most unsupportive midwives, I felt like a belittled child and post-birth that I was being tested, and then the midwife fucked up by yanking on the umbilical cord until a chuck tore off and I had to be taken to hospital (and then she blamed me and my history of anemia for it, that was great).

I think with my youngest that the hospital staff did try to give me that while I was in an utter panic during transition. I wouldn't say it empowered me, but their compassion and understanding - especially when I was being ridiculous - helped restore a bit of my faith that great healthcare professionals can make a world of difference. Even though it birth wasn't entirely idea (I was my midwife's 'most time the emergency button has had to be pushed in one birth' according to her - his shoulder got stuck, I had to be rotated by a bunch of people to help get him out which was an experience, and then I had a huge enlarged placenta that was a pain to get out), I feel I was well supported in having as good a birth as possible even when they disagreed with me or I was in a panic.

Yes, twice. I'm twicely powered!

I felt pretty empowered and mighty after all 3 births. I got dd1 out with the help of a ventouse even though she was OP and almost 10lb and I'd been in labour 37 hours. Ds was only 10 hrs and an easy delivery, he was "only" 9lb3. Dd2 was an induction at 36+6 as I was suffering severe pregnancy complications I my kidneys and was only 12 hours even though my cervix was unfavourable. Pushed her out with the sac intact until the last push when it popped in the face of a very posh junior doctor, so I delivered her laughing, even though I had a 3rd degree tear.

I think I feel this way as my dh was very much in that mindset, that whet I did was amazing and he was so proud of me. He's a GP but did a 6 month obstetrics job so had seen it all before and was so quick to support me and give praise (even when I bit his chest during a contraction!).

I look at them now, at 21, 19 and 17 and yep, they're my biggest achievement. And getting them into the world was part of that.

Yes. All my intuitions were correct and, though it has been traumatic leading up to birth with hospital changes and threats to me, I gave birth with no real assistance during an unplanned home birth. I was shocked and physically struggled after due to the speed, but the worst part was other people. I was and am empowered by the experience of me and my baby working together to bring him into the world, using hypnobirthing and ignoring paramedics who kept trying to move me while he was in the birth canal. I’m quite looking forward to my coming one, which should be more planned.

I was pregnant with a baby with a 5% chance of surviving so taking him home alive made me feel quite empowered as I’d taken steps to change the care I was getting during pregnancy, which contributed to the good outcome.

Absolutely. If I survived that I can survive anything. My body is truly amazing. I am amazing.

I found it really empowering and quite a high in a strange way but I was so so so lucky and I totally know what so don’t want to come across like I’m bragging! I had a very quick first birth which made it extremely intense and totally not what I was expecting...I had wanted an epidural but the midwife came back and said the team were doing an emergency section. I knew I felt too far gone so had a mini freak out in my head as I’d had zero pain killers but I was bloody amazed at what your body can do and how the endorphins etc help to manage the pain. I thought it was so bollocks before but the only thing that helped was controlling my breathing.

I’m usually an extremely anxious person and always second guess myself so I felt really proud of my body and I was almost too scared and she’ll shocked to get anxious during.

I’m totally freaking out about baby 2 though as I know there’s no way I can get that lucky twice. I think now I know how birth ‘should’ be I’d be really upset about any interventions but obviously I’d do whatever to keep baby and me safe.