Did you find giving birth empowering?

[GlumyGloomer]

If so then why? Firstly I'm not here to upset anyone or be goady. I am genuinely looking for people to challenge my rather negative feelings about my own birth experiences.
First birth: induction, I wasn't believed to be in established labour until I was 10cm, not even with monitoring. I had just managed to extract some pethadin from the midwives when they decided to check me and discovered I was actually fully dilated. I then had to wait around for an hour high as a kite while the pethadin wore off, and then pushed for 2+ hours trying to get a 6oz baby out. I hadn't slept in 24 hours, I was so exhausted that by the end I couldn't even feel the contractions, and despite baby crowning I just couldn't get her out. Ventouse delivery, bad tearing made worse by botched stitching, separated from baby for hours while it was put right in theater. My first day as a mum consisted of trying to care for my baby with feeding issues while still half paralyzed and hooked up with a catheter. I felt absolutely awful and so traumatised I couldn't sleep for a couple of days without relieving the botched stitching.
Second birth: spontaneous, would have been sent home from the hospital but insisted on being checked and guess what, 7cm. Minimal gas and air for pain relief (it made me feel sick). Despite having much more sleep and no strong drugs pushing still took over an hour and then I still couldn't get the head out. I tried, and it was absolute agony. Midwives decided I would definitely tear again so gave me an episiotomy, and then I was able to push 7oz baby out. I was very carefully stitched and recovered much faster, but I felt like I had strained every muscle in my body, and it still weighs on me that both births required intervention. I feel like I'm lucky my babies survived it and there is nothing to be proud of there.
It still bothers me that such a key life event really sucked, so I'm trying to find a way to change the narrative.
To repeat, I am not suggesting that people who had assisted deliveries or c sections should feel bad about it. I know it is my issue, and I am trying to change it.

@eurochick

Not at all. I had a very unwanted c section. Delivery was something done to me while I lay like a piece of meat paralysed from the waist down. There was nothing empowering about it.

This is exactly how I feel. Still struggle to think about it now and whenever I hear about people delivering naturally, I am overwhelmed with sadness.

Certainly not
Both of mine born by emergency c section horrible labours and births.
Prefer not to say anymore

No. I was just relieved DD survived the birth. She was born at 28 weeks and I'd been losing fluid for 3 or 4 weeks before that. Spent 3 weeks in hospital before she was born, not allowed to get out of bed for anything.

After DD was born the doctor discovered that I had placenta percreta so they had to perform an emergency hysterectomy to stop me bleeding to death.

Empowering is the last word I would use. Relieved and thankful would probably be more appropriate.

@ilovemydogandmrobama2

A friend of mine is a doula, and she had a horrific first birth, so she really wanted a great second birth, which she did. At home and she was in control. Other friends had a planned c section and we happy about it.

So much about birth is just so crap, and don't even get me started about women who go on about having an orgasm during birth.

Have you met my MIL? She claimed to orgasm during the birth of her fourth child. Not what I needed to know at all whilst pregnant with DD1. DH needed to hear it even less!

No, it was bloody horrible. 48+ hours of back to back labour ending in fetal distress, emcs (and baby was so thoroughly stuck they had to dig him out with forceps, and his poor wrist was bent back and took weeks to straighten out), pph, blood transfusion, shock, infections etc etc etc. Then my poor traumatised DS couldn’t work out how to get any milk out of me and I couldn’t work out how to get any milk into him and nobody noticed so once we’d finally got home he basically starved for three days until the MW weighed him and realised he’d lost 25% of his birthweight, and we got hauled back into hospital. Thankfully he was ok in the end (and is now a strapping lad) but it’s high on the list of worst experiences of my life.

Also (and I realise this is my own Issue to deal with), my sister is annoyingly really good and efficient at giving birth so I feel even more incompetent by comparison.

Empowering no, a means to an end yes.
Both horrific births for different reasons.. the 2nd more so as fully retained placenta that needed manual removal. (No one warns you that this could be a thing!!)

But I wanted children so they’ve got to come out one way or another, so it’s means to end.

A thing I don’t want to do again!

Yes! I find it an incredible experience. My first was hard work and I felt like I didn’t know why was going on, had an epidural as soon as it got painful which then meant I couldn’t get him out and ended up in theatre. My second I was determined to hold out on pain relief as much as I could, and I had a water birth - don’t get me wrong, last bit was pretty ouchy but I felt like a freaking superhuman when she was out. Midwife wrote on my notes ‘mum delighted, kept saying ‘I did it, it’s a baby’. 3rd no pain relief bar has and air again, and again, last bit ouchy but I felt in control, felt head come out, had a feel even. Due fourth next month and actually looking forward to it. Women are amazing.

No - it was a shit show from beginning to end and I still haven't recovered nearly two years on.

No I didn't. I'd had a terrible time with the NHS and ended up paying for a midwife who was absolutely fantastic. I was however in no way prepared to push a 9lber out of my teeny tiny 7 stone body but was too stubborn to accept anything apart from gas and air. It was a horrible experience never to be repeated.

Yes, fleetingly. I’ve had three births, all of whom were back to back for some or all of Labour. My first I felt empowered - though it was the most intervened one, I was on a drip and the world and his wife examined me to work out how dilated I was. But when I gave birth I honestly though I could achieve anything in the world. (That lasted about 5 minutes. Then I had five hideous days on post natal wars). Second birth was straightforward, but most of it and the immediate time after it I spent comparing with number one experience. Third birth was quick, painful, and I’m incredibly glad I never have to do it again.

I did. Giving birth was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was prepared for it to be the exact opposite - a high-risk consultant led pregnancy and was going to be induced at due date. I was worried about the level of intervention I’d likely experience. My whole pregnancy had been so medicalised after several miscarriages.

The reality was so different. I felt anxious about movement at 38+5 so walked over to the hospital (1.5 miles away) with just my phone in my pocket. All was fine but given my risks they said they’d keep me in to induce. I was having mild contractions but was told it was unlikely to be labour. They checked me before inserting the pessary and I was already 3cm, so they just did a sweep and left me to have a bath and chill. Got into the bath fine, got out of the bath 40 mins later to gush of waters breaking, crazy d&v and absolutely mental contractions. Got to delivery suite where they said that this stage could take 8-18 hours. At that point I thought I was going to lose it because I couldn’t take the intensity for that length of time. Then instinct took over. I seemed to know exactly what to do. I felt totally inside my own body and so powerful. There was minimal intervention as everyone assumed I wasn’t ready to deliver. There was a last minute scramble when I told them the baby was coming and they checked and there she was!

I had a small scratch, no tear and although I lost a lot of blood, felt amazing.

No, quite the opposite.

I'm not sure if I would use that word without being prompted but yes as I felt that despite having an induction I was given full explanations of each stage, given choices throughout, I felt listened to, in control and felt safe. Afterwards it was quite amazing reflecting on what had just happened and what I had done.

I felt proud immediately afterwards but not empowered during the experience. For me,
I'd done alot of preparation about benefits of being in water, birthing positions (I refused to lay on my back) and I had gas and air. I took very long to push DS out (apparantly I have a funny shaped uterus according to midwife,!) but I did it with no intervention and recovered very nicely. Felt great after some tea and toast and a shower and was able to go home by the end of the day.

I'm currently pregnant with my second and I'm trying to prepare in the same way as my first/be blindingly positive but anxiety is creeping in that I won't be as 'lucky' as the first time round.

I also have to give major credit to my midwife for my experience with DC1. Alot of their actions/behaviour and decisions can be the difference between a positive birth and a negative one.

Personally, yes, but try not to discuss it too positively because I'm very aware that many (most?) have a bloody awful time.
Water birth, gas and air, I arrived at hospital at 11 and he arrived 4 hours later. Still feel a very sisterly connection to my midwives and definitely felt incredibly powerful throughout.

Laughs hysterically like a drain...
1st birth: 2 weeks overdue, induced, 3 day labour, never dilated, emergency section, kidney infection, lost a huge amount of blood (can't remember the term for my body's reaction) and couldn't breastfeed. Was diagnosed with PTSD when pregnant with my second...
2nd birth: agreed c-section if I went over my due date by more than 5 days which is what happened, birth much calmer, but then got a superbug infection in my wound which had to be dressed every day by a nurse and also used to swell up and then release about a pint of watery bloody fluid all over me without warning... happened at a playgroup, happened at a picnic in Kew gardens, happened whilst shopping one day, really traumatic.

I'm still numb around my scar and I have a horrid shelf of skin.

Absolutely nothing about any of this was empowering.
My kids are amazing thank god.

I wouldn't use that word exactly but with my second child which was a mostly natural vaginal delivery (does gas and air count?) I do remember being completely in the zone with just the one midwife in this dimmed room and it felt almost cinematic or something. It was horrifically painful but quite primal almost and I remember thinking 'we women are fucking amazing' and that I wasn't too bad myself. It felt kind of like a privelege to have experienced something which almost feels close to death but which beings forth life.

Nope , not at all. I don't find many things that other claim to be "empowering " actually empowering. They don't have to be for them to be a good thing, or have a positive effect/result.

My birth was shit, I'm sure choice and consent went out the window at some point(can't remember much after a certain point) and things went tits up.

At the end of it though, I got a healthy (if bruised ) beautiful,squishy,cuddly baby that turned into an amazing girl.

Empowering? No. Well worth it? Definitely, even if it took me a while to get over it all.

I really feel for you. Births are different for every person. I am absolutely tiny, and every person I met would tell me how awful it would be for me. My second child was 2 weeks overdue and 8lbs 3, and he was my easiest. I have had 3 children with very little tears or intervention and found they were empowering. I had 2 water births, no pain killer stronger than gas and air. I did hypnobirthing and it worked for me. I think I was just lucky though. I had no major complications.

I had two very different births, the first was 4 days of intermittent contractions, followed by blocked bladder, pethidine, catheter, oxytocin drip, epidural, IV fluids, 12 hours of labour, and almost 2 hours of pushing, it was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I was exhausted, numb, couldn't stand, had to have an episiotomy, stitches etc. That birth was a long, long story. But when I delivered my ds I felt like I could move fucking mountains.

The second was quick, from arrival at the hospital to delivery was a couple of hours max, and there was no time for the epidural I had set my heart on. Which terrified me and totally spun me out for a moment, I was so scared of the pain. I delivered dd on gas and air, she came into the world before I even had chance to think about it, and I was so not ready. Despite her being ten days overdue. And yet she arrived and again I felt like I could conquer the world. Fuck me, it hurt. But at that moment I didn't care.

Both times I was in awe of what my body achieved, and how, even with the medical interventions and the constant coaching from the midwives and having to have my waters broken both times, I did that, I created, grew and delivered those babies from my body. No one else on the planet could have created those two specific humans with their particular mix of dna and brought them into the world. So yes for me it was very empowering.

Yes, mine was. Every time I have something challenging now I think about it and it helps me power on.
My birth was nothing like I expected and it was pretty shocking because of the intensity but I felt euphoric afterwards

It was fast, excruciating and terrifying (6hrs active labour after failed induction), progressed too quickly for the epidural I wanted. Had 1 early shot Pethidine then gas and air.
3 minuscule stitches that I never felt and was dancing on air afterwards as I had expected an EMCS and couldn’t believe it had gone so differently.
But during labour I thought I was dying and was actually screaming at everyone that I was dying and no-one cared .
The no epidural hadn’t been communicated so even as I was pushing I was still waiting for it. It’s all a blur but I remember DD was born at sunrise, the sun filled the room as she came out and it was incredible.

I’m sorry you have a lot to process @GlumyGloomer I think your experience is very common sadly.

Completely not empowering. I was told off by a midwife for 'not coping while having a panic attack about being alone in hospital in labour (gave nothing late last year so covid rules applied around 'established labour).

Turns out I was properly already in established labour but because I was a first time mum with back to back labour there was no way I was delivering for at least 36 hours
Needless to say my labour ended with about 6 hours with me demanding to be examined and low and behold 9cm..... Needless to say if I have another child I have told husband and already put it in medical record at the GPS I am to be examined every 45 mins because I am person not a statistic.

Ha ha, no.

Birth 1: Traumatic and horrible

Birth 2: Fine, but planned CS. Calm.

But not empowering.

Not in the slightest. Painful, messy. Just glad when it was over. Horrible process.

Yes both mine felt empowering. Like PP have said I feel weirdly uncomfortable saying so, but they were the most amazing experiences (but not orgasmic - WTF!?!). Both born at home in a pool with gas and air. Everyone thought I was mad to have a home birth first time but I'd seen close up what happened to my sister in hospital and did not want to be 'done to'. I'm lucky that there was a well established home birth team where I live who were very supportive.