Did you find giving birth empowering?

[GlumyGloomer]

If so then why? Firstly I'm not here to upset anyone or be goady. I am genuinely looking for people to challenge my rather negative feelings about my own birth experiences.
First birth: induction, I wasn't believed to be in established labour until I was 10cm, not even with monitoring. I had just managed to extract some pethadin from the midwives when they decided to check me and discovered I was actually fully dilated. I then had to wait around for an hour high as a kite while the pethadin wore off, and then pushed for 2+ hours trying to get a 6oz baby out. I hadn't slept in 24 hours, I was so exhausted that by the end I couldn't even feel the contractions, and despite baby crowning I just couldn't get her out. Ventouse delivery, bad tearing made worse by botched stitching, separated from baby for hours while it was put right in theater. My first day as a mum consisted of trying to care for my baby with feeding issues while still half paralyzed and hooked up with a catheter. I felt absolutely awful and so traumatised I couldn't sleep for a couple of days without relieving the botched stitching.
Second birth: spontaneous, would have been sent home from the hospital but insisted on being checked and guess what, 7cm. Minimal gas and air for pain relief (it made me feel sick). Despite having much more sleep and no strong drugs pushing still took over an hour and then I still couldn't get the head out. I tried, and it was absolute agony. Midwives decided I would definitely tear again so gave me an episiotomy, and then I was able to push 7oz baby out. I was very carefully stitched and recovered much faster, but I felt like I had strained every muscle in my body, and it still weighs on me that both births required intervention. I feel like I'm lucky my babies survived it and there is nothing to be proud of there.
It still bothers me that such a key life event really sucked, so I'm trying to find a way to change the narrative.
To repeat, I am not suggesting that people who had assisted deliveries or c sections should feel bad about it. I know it is my issue, and I am trying to change it.

Oh, and sorry to everyone who's had bad experiences, it's rubbish isn't it? But as quite a few people have said as long as it gets the job done that should be a win. I do feel very grateful that I got to take a healthy baby home each time. I think part of what I found so upsetting was knowing that if I'd been by myself as some of you have been it could easily have been a different story. I think there's an element of guilt there that I wasn't able to give my kids a swift and safe delivery, not that they remember or care obviously.

I had a c section for twins which I wouldn’t say was particularly empowering.
But I would say that being pregnant was really empowering. I was in awe that my body had carried and formed 2 humans. Maybe if you try to think about it in that way - how the baby gets out becomes less important.

I’m not sure why but before having my babies I got it into my head that I wouldn’t be able to have a “natural no pain relief” birth. I think because I’m unfit, overweight and not super fit athletic type.
My cousin had a perfect 5hrs water birth baby (she was 20 and had always been naturally slim) and my Nan was with her and would go on about how well she did etc.

With my first I had to change hosp at 38 weeks because they only had pools in the mlu and I was too high risk (purely due to bmi being on the borderline)
The other hosp had a pool on consultant ward.
I went 14 days overdue but was in labour when I arrived for my induction, was a constant battle to stop them trying to speed me up. Labour was long, painful, and I was exhausted. Had epidural that failed after 4 hours but must have given me some chance to relax because all kicked off after and baby finally came (lots of tearing and stitches) and then nightmare of a time breastfeeding.

Before having my 2nd (during covid) everyone seemed to be having much more medicalised births - fit women who didn’t fit my picture in my head.
I just had this overwhelming feeling that I could do it. I really pushed for MLU as my bmi was lower this time and was 2nd birth. Baby was 13 days over this time I went in labouring a few hours before my induction was booked.

I had to argue again on the morning for MLU and was almost refused it until the realised they actually didn’t have a bed for me on consultant ward and I was lowest risk to go to MLU
I then had an amazing 5 hour labour in the pool with gas and air. I got out because I needed a wee bit was actually sign I needed to push and baby was born in 3 pushes with no tearing. Breastfeeding this one has been a breeze too.
In hindsight my first birth wasn’t too bad really and in comparison with so many friends who have given birth since I’ve had 2 pretty good experiences
My second was definitely empowering because I knew I could do it, I fought to get my way and I did it. MLU was also a far nicer experience than consultant ward!

Haven't read the whole thread sorry.

The first one yes, absolutely! Simply because I found it incredibly hard but I got through it.

The second one less so. I was disappointed that it didn't go any better than the first (I had been hoping to feel more in control). I felt cheated because I'd asked for an epidural and it hadn't worked. That then caused a spiral of panic and "I can't cope" feelings. Eventually got to the end, it just felt gruelling rather than empowering and then DS2 had to go off to special care so I was focused on that and not able to mentally process the birth for months afterwards.

I did say to someone "I just gave birth without pain relief again and I only said fuck once!" so I suppose on some level I was impressed by myself, but mainly I just felt cheated, out of control and angry about that birth.

Wobbitcatcher I'm impressed with you and your cousin for 'only' having five hour labours. That sounds very long to me! Do you mean from start to finish or five hours in hospital before giving birth?

The idea of an epidural terrifies me, I'm so glad I didn't have one, would have hated to be immobilised in any way. However I know it is OK for some.

@Maggiesfarm my first baby was a good 20hours latent labour and then 17hours “active” labour I was admitted to hosp a few hours before trying to argue my way out of an induction.

My second was also a full day of latent labour but only 5 hours active in hosp. I thought these were pretty average lengths I’ve heard of plenty longer and some shorter.

I think it makes a huge difference to your outcomes though.

The first time? Not at all, not even slightly. My first birth was horrid from beginning to end.

This time I stood up for myself and requested a planned section. NOW I feel empowered.

Yes I felt there was nothing I couldn't do after both. Second was an emergency birth at home with just a neighbour to support. When emergency services arrived and asked if I could walk into living room I thought 'I've just delivered on the hall floor, of course I can walk into the room', attached cord and all. Women are amazing.

@BaggoMcoys - not pathetic at all - Completely the same here.